How long to leave next FET after Missed Miscarriage

[baby2016]

Hi Ladies, would love to have feedback from any ladies who have had a miscarriage/missed miscarriage and how long you left it before trying again.

I've heard your more fertile following a miscarriage, and in someways this may be true as naturally it took me 11 months to first get pregnant and miscarry, and then I was always pregnant by my 3rd cycle following a miscarriage.

Wondered how long Ladies left it and if it was successful?

My clinic would allow me to use my first proper period following a miscarriage, but this may time with a holiday and a new kitchen being fitted so was thinking of maybe using my second cycle.

What are all your experiences/success xx

[KittyK]

With ours we did it literally the next cycle. That was mostly due to the way I coped. I felt like waiting would just drive me crazy and I would cope better if we were trying again as then I'd be doing something. It was almost like I felt less helpless by doing it asap? But that's just the way I coped. And we were successful, we got pregnant however we did lose one of our twins. We did get our daughter on that cycle though so doing it right away worked for us. If you don't feel you're ready though, if you want to focus on something else for a while and come back after a little break I think you should do what makes you comfortable. It's a traumatic thing to go through as it is and if you feel your mind/body need or break or if you feel like you just want to bite the bullet, just make sure whatever you decide is best for you xxx

[KittyK in reply to KittyK]

Also sorry can't remember what drugs you were on, but after the first missed miscarriage they put me on 75mg aspirin and clexane as they thought my miscarriage may have been caused by a blood clot in my placenta? And whilst taking those, that was the time we had our daughter, a success. So wondered if you could ask about that? I can't remember if you were already on it. I was also on much higher dose folic acid in case I was deficient and that affected it also xxx

[baby2016 in reply to KittyK]

Thanks so much for your response kitty. I'm on clexane and steriods, but no aspirin. At what point did you start the aspirin and did you wait for 1 proper period or was it straight after your Miscarriage?

How are things going with you? Xx

[KittyK in reply to baby2016]

I don't have proper periods as such so the clinic had to give me drugs to make me have one. As soon as I had that next bleed they considered that the start of my new cycle and sort of planned my FET along with it if that makes sense? So my embryos were put in at the time my body should have ovulated following the fake bleed. I started the 75mg aspirin like 2 weeks before the next transfer so it had time to do its job and started the high dose folic acid three days before transfer. Hope that helps it's something to discuss with the clinic at least. Hope you're doing as ok as possible xxx

I'm doing ok thank you our little one is 8 months old today it seems impossible even now xxx

[baby2016 in reply to KittyK]

Thank you Kitty for your response. Def going to ask about aspirin and high dose folic acid at my followup! Glad you hear you and little one are doing ok. 8months! Wow! How time flies! Xxx

[Qwerty2018]

Hi Baby2016, so sorry to hear of your loss. I went through a missed miscarriage last year and it was incredibly difficult. I ended up having a series of complications after my missed miscarriage which required several additional surgeries so I had to leave it a whole year till we could try again! Saying that this forced me to focus on my health and other interests like my work and sport. This meant by the time we were ready to try again I was both physically and mentally ready. Sadly it didn’t implant but feeling positive about trying again.

Everyone is different but my advice to you would be to take some time for you & your partner. Do things together you couldn’t do pregnant and try to distract yourself from IVF for a bit. Whether that be a month or 3 months or more. Interestingly our clinic always enforces a 3month gap between cycles to allow hormones to return to normal and for couples to mentally take a break.

I think the “you’re more fertile after a miscarriage” is based on a Aberdeen University study of 30k women and they concluded don’t have to wait from a medical point of view and your chances are actually better if you try again within 6 months (abdn.ac.uk/news/10205/) Personally I take that study with a big pinch of salt as this didn’t include women going through IVF and all the additional complications that entails. Just do what feels right for you & your husband.

Wishing you lots & lots of luck xxx

[baby2016 in reply to Qwerty2018]

Thank you Qwerty for your reply, and sorry to hear you had extra trauma and unwanted stress on top of dealing with a mmc, must have been a very hard time for you both.

TBH I'm coping ok, a lot better than I thought I would, hoever sadly it's my 5th loss so I'm someways wrongly or rightly I've become a bit numb to it all, and am more, get my up, dust myself off and try again.

My main worry is my hubby is now on the liver transplant list and we could expect a call anytime and know transfer would be out of the question for a good few months afterwards 😬

My NHS clinic would make me wait 3 months between fresh cycles to as you say, let the body settle down from stomping/drugs etc, however if it was a FET once the three months had passed you could go back to back with those due to no real drugs as such being involved. My private clinic allows to go straight away, I think from the first proper period.

So many decisions!

I hope your journey is going ok, I see you have had lining issues, this has been my main problem too, if you read through my previous posts you'll see what I mean!

Thanks for the info re the study. Like you say none of these studies seem to account for ivf patients!

Thanks again for your response and good luck with your journey xx

[E_05]

After my first MMC I waited 2 months and then started again for me I just thought if I threw myself back into treatment I’d deal with the grief and if I’m honest naively thought I’d end up pregnant again. Looking back now I wish I’d waited a bit longer as I wasn’t committed to the cycle or in the right head space. Since my MMC last year it’s been 5 months and we’re just starting treatment again, I’ve found the not doing anything hard but I have had more time to grieve.

I’d say it’s personal choice, if your in the right head space and feel you can put yourself through an FET quickly then do but also there’s no harm in waiting xx

[baby2016 in reply to E_05]

Thanks E_05 for your replay. I was torn wether to start from next period, but will all depend when that arrives, but after today and his drained I feel I may leave it another month or so as I know going into this last cycle mentally and physically I felt the best I had in a while and want to feel like that again before going again. Just worried hubby will get the transplant call just before transfer etc. He recokens we just go with it, but what's me to be in the best frame of mind possible which is quite hard with what's looming ahead for him! Will just see where fate takes us I think!

Sending you lots of luck for tomorrow and for your upcoming transfer 😊🍀xxx

[emu2016]

Hello lovey, I think more than anything it’s about where your head is and when you feel ready. After that? As long as your body is ready after the previous cycle you’ll be good to go!! X

[baby2016 in reply to emu2016]

Aw thanks Emu! My mind keeps changing by the hour! Lol! Think I'll wait and see when my next period arrives and decide then as will know more about dates, but decided today I want it after my hol, and at the same time we're having a new kitchen and will be living at my MIL's so think I'll wait till we're back settled in at ours! Hope everything is ok family side with you xxx

[emu2016 in reply to baby2016]

There’s always something isn’t there?! Loving the sound of a new kitchen though! All well here. On leave most of this week and decorating my mother in laws bedroom! 🙈 x

[baby2016 in reply to emu2016]

Hope your finding in therapeutic and not stressful! I quite like doing a bit of decorating. Can't wait to get rid of this kitchen, it's the one that was in when we moved in and it's pine/orange and green 🤢god knows why they picked those 2 colours! Lol! Glad all is good with you xx

[Becky179]

Hiya. I had a mmc in January. We decided to go again straight away. We had surgical management. So they used that as the first day of my period. I was however late with my next one so it delayed treatment slightly by 2 weeks but They gave me norestrithone to bring it on. My clinic said you are most fertile for 3 months after a mc or having a baby. And if I was mentally ready there was no reason to not start again straight away. I wanted to get things moving again and I feel it helped me cope a bit as I had something else to focus on.

We had a FET & had 2 transfrered & im now 6 weeks pregnant. Who knows how it will end! But trying to be positive.

It's such a tough decision. You just have to do what feels right for you. Xx

[baby2016 in reply to Becky179]

Aw huge congrats Becky, and thanks for replying. Funny how they have said that re the 3month thing, as that's how it always went with me.

I'd love to go straight again, as mentally I'm pretty strong and feel ready to crack on but physically at the mo I'm exhausted, so going to see how things and dates go in the coming weeks.

Hoping and fingers crossed that this little one for you stays strong for the next 7months or so. Stay positive and get your rest xx

[Becky179 in reply to baby2016]

Oh it's such a tough decision for you. No one can help You choose. You really must do what feels right for you & it's no wonder you feel exhausted, your body has been through so much. I wish you the best of luck with everything. Xxx

[Tugsgirl]

It’s definitely down to personal choice if your clinic are saying that you’re good to go again soon. Our clinic advise three bleeds between treatments and/or miscarriage. With my first mmc I waited three, almost four months and with the next one from September to February/March. I thought I was ready for the last transfer but I don’t think in hindsight that I was. It seemed to creep up on me out of nowhere and I had a very negative mindset about it all. I certainly hadn’t really prepared myself for a bfn, the reality of it. I’m sorry that’s not much help, I guess you just have to go with your gut feeling xx

[baby2016 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Aw Tugs, your reply does help! I'm so torn with it all at the min and think my hormones are way up and down with it all, so tonight we've decided to let nature take its course and what will be will be! If dates fall ok and I feel ok, then maybe, but it not will leave it another cycle. I'm just panicking that hubby will get the call between no and then for his transplant, or even that he gets it just after transfer, but because it can be an average of 6-9month wait and he's been on it a month it makes it so hard to plan. I know you will sort of understand how hard that side of things is and worrying about OH's etc. My hubby just wants me to do it when I feel ready as he doesn't want the transplant ruling our lives, but it's more the after care that I'm worried about as it took me a good 3-6months to nurse him after his bowel removal. Oh for a simple life hey!

Hope all is good with you? When's your wedding? Xx

[Tugsgirl in reply to baby2016]

Oh yeah, I do sort of understand. On our first round, the fresh round, OH ended up with a pressure sore on his bottom which is a nightmare in his condition. It means 24/7 bed rest. He missed many of my scans, I was upset he couldn’t be there but even more upset about him not healing etc. He made it into EC as he HAD to give his sample. We made sure he was padded well and I bought him a doughnut cushion to put on the car seat. But I was so stressed that him sitting on it would make it so much worse, so was he. It was a stressful time full stop. In the tww I had to look after him, though I definitely didn’t do any heavy lifting. And to be honest I was more concerned about him than what was going on with me.

The wedding planning is pretty much there! That’s the beauty of it only being the two of us. It still seems a long way off yet, although in reality I know it isn’t. I’m sure it will all feel real soon enough.

Give yourself a little time. Let things settle. I know we all need a plan B, I’m the same, but don’t rush into anything. I hope all goes well for your dh xx

[baby2016 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thanks Tugs, we sound like we have similar lives in some ways! This transfer and my very first one are the only 2 my hubby didn't end up ill in hospital during. He has chrons disease which is then what's triggered an auto immune disease with his liver. He felt so proud this cycle being able to be here with me and help, but like you say when your caring for someone it's their health that becomes a far greater concern. I'm sure because of having to deal with hubbys health issues is what keeps us grounded with the ivf stuff as when i look at it his health is far more important and always puts everything else in perspective doesn't it!

Aww the wedding planning, I loved that bit! It will be here before you know it! 😊xx

[Tugsgirl in reply to baby2016]

There may be times when we need to look after our men, but they sure as hell look after us and support us all the way too don’t they? My OH is so bloody strong and he’s my rock. My absolute world. He sat there with a sieve while I was on the loo losing our last baby. And I love him even bloody more for that! I didn’t even think I could love him more. This journey either sadly destroys couples or strengthens them, we’re the lucky ones, though we might not feel it at times xx

Ps just realised I didn’t actually answer your question properly; it’s the 28th of June! X

[baby2016]

Thanks for the response Emily, and sorry to hear what you've been through, but brilliant news your sister is your surrogate, what a lovely caring lady she must be. Hoping all goes well with the pregnancy and you get your longed for baby x