So one of my best friends is 8 weeks pregnant now, after 2 months of trying. I’m happy for her but I’m finding this so difficult to deal with. She actually told me 3 days after my 3rd transfer, over the phone. It totally floored me. I congratulated her and then once off the phone I was in floods of tears. It filled me with negative thoughts. I thought my transfer would not work- what were the chance I would get pregnant at the same time as one of my best friends and we would go through it together? After fearing the worst I tested 1 day early and there it was a BFP!! We couldn’t believe it ! Told our friends and family! We were so excited! Made the past years struggles seem worth it! Seemed like it was meant to be at exactly the same time as my friend. Cue next day official test date and it was a big fat 👎 negative. We were so upset! Turns out it was a chemical and unluckily for us we just managed to catch the hormones as
They were dropping off. This journey is so cruel and I never expected to find myself on it.
I’m so full of anxiety and sadness and
fear that this might never happen for us. My friend got pregnant so quickly and her and her partner had only just started trying. He was drinking and smoking too! I have been so healthy for the past year while going through IVF and this just made me feel like what’s the point! It’s made me feel like my eggs must be rubbish quality and made me really angry at my body! Why can’t I do this! ?why can’t I hold onto an embryo. My first fresh transfer ended in a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks 4 days. My first frozen failed. My second frozen was a chemical. I started off so well last year with 7 blastos. Are they all going to be a shit batch? I’ve 4 left now. I’m finishing it hard to stay positive. I saw my friend last night and her and her partner were talking about her symptoms with me and our other friends. It’s breaking my heart when I’ve wanted this so bad for the past 4 years. My husband and I have had baby names picked out for years and always said we wanted kids. Our friends have never been like this and I feel so jealous- it’s awful! I feel like a horrible person as I’m trying to avoid seeing them and I know my friend feels awkward but why should she when this is such a happy time for them. I have my meds ready and waiting for my next af to arrive but I feel like I’ll go through it all again and end up being the same position again. Sorry for the rant I needed to off load my emotions!
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Skippy1982
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I have been in the same position before, after my 2nd failed ivf attempt I found out 2of my brothers girlfriends are pregnant (both expecting the same week). It’s very hard to be anything but bitter at first and I withdrawn from everybody for a few weeks because of it (I didn’t want to hear how happy everybody was when my heart was broken again!!!) you think why them and not me, what am I doing wrong etc etc but things get easier in time! be sure to stay hopeful and keep trying! Best of luck to you Hun xxx
Thank you @ goingmental good to know other people have felt the same too! Sorry for your 2nd failed IVF. It’s just all the not knowing what will happen that gets me so down. Thank you. You too xxx
We start our first ivf in Sept with the egg donation programme (I'm donating eggs to get an ivf cycle).
I too find it difficult. Everyone around me seems to conceive e soo easily within a few months of trying. It's been a long journey for us and still isn't complete.
There's been lots of colleagues having babies in my dept recently, which has been difficult. I had to shut the tea room door the other day when one came to visit with their newborn as I couldn't bear the cooing. I feel awful for feeling like this as it isn't their fault but it just breaks me inside sometimes. I try to remain positive most of the time but I often do get my lows, with feelings of it never happening for us. I guess all of ladies who are struggling, have to find a way of being positive and believing that it will happen for us xxx
Thanks for your reply and for understanding. That’s exactly how I feel. Sorry you are experiencing the same. You’re right we have to still hope & believe and try and stay positive xxx
Ohh skippy big hugs and love for you ❤️ Sounds like you’ve had a really rough ride already 😞 I’ve had some similar feelings / experiences to you- although right now I wouldn’t be able to handle listening to other friends talking abut symptoms, have been shutting myself off a bit 😪 I’ve had 3 unsuccessful goes and am also worrying that what is in the freezer is rubbish. Everyday I am trying to find a tiny bit of positivity / hope. You are strong ❤️ You can do this xxxxx
Thank you and I feel for your you with your 3 unsuccessful goes. It’s rubbish to have to put yourself through all that and yet you’re still being positive and giving me encouragement! Thank you! I was having a low day yesterday and all these comments have picked me up. We have to believe there’s at least one good frostie left! 🤞🏻xxx😘💕
Totally know how you feel. I got 7 embryos from my 3rd cycle, have number 4 from that batch inside me now hopefully still growing after my 2nd ever BFP with embryo number 8 in total. Have you ever had your progesterone tested? I only just found out mine has been very low so have swapped from lubion to prontogest. Good luck picking yourself up and going again - I think your baby is in that batch with a name you’ve already planned xxx
Thank you for replying. I really Hope embryo number 4 is the one for you! 🤞🏻can’t believe you’ve done this 8 times in total - you must be superwoman! I really respect that🙌🏻. I will keep everything crossed for you and send good vibes! I haven’t had my progesterone tested. How do you go about that? Can I ask do you ever spot before af? I normally do and feel like that may have something to do with low progesterone. However with my missed miscarriage apparently I was producing enough progesterone as my body continued to think I was pregnant and didn’t realise the embryo had stopped growing. Xxx
I’ve read that miscarriage can be caused by low progesterone- I was on lubion when I had my miscarriage. This time when my progesterone was measured in embryo transfer day I had been on lubion for about 5 days and it was extremely low, so I’m guessing that’s what caused the miscarriage. They test it via a blood test. I’ve always spotted before AF and I spotted the day I got my BFP but then had a miscarriage. This time with the higher progesterone and a BFP I’ve so far not spotted at all. But spotting can be normal and be caused by implantation. You won’t know with your miscarriage if you were producing enough progesterone or not if they didn’t test. Good luck with your next go. I’m not super woman, just determined to be a mum!!! Xxx
Thanks Scarlett yes I’ve read too that low progesterone can cause miscarriage. With my fresh transfer I was on cyclogest pessaries until I had my first scan. They dated me at 6 weeks and we saw the heartbeat and after that they told me I could stop taking the pessaries. When I miscarried they said the embryo had stopped at 6 weeks. I rang the embryologist to see if stopping the pessaries could have caused it and they said to have got to that stage I would have been producing enough progesterone on my own anyway. It did play on mind though and I wondered how they would know for definite if they hadn’t tested it. I think I will definitely see if I can get it tested. Thank you! Xxx
Hi Skippy, just to jump in here. My progesterone is low in my pregnancy. This is the 2nd one on the trot we'll lose. I'm not sure if it was low in our last cycle but we had a spontaneous miscarriage so defo worth looking into your levels. I've not got a plan for our next go so unsure what they'll change for our next transfer. Sorry you're having a crappy time, it's so hard going through this time again with failed transfers & losses. Big hugs, I know how you feel.xx
Aww I know how awful this is and it’s not a nice feeling! With our 2nd cycle, I was doing it at the same time as my best friend and we both went for our blood test on the same day, hers was positive and ours wasn’t, it’s weird being happy for someone and also gutted at the same time. We are just getting ready to do some tests for NK cells etc before starting our next round and we have just found out in 1 week that 2 of our friends are expecting, my brothers wife and my cousin who is very over weight and drinks pints like they are going out of fashion!!! 🙈 And here we are eating bloody pineapple and whatever else I read might help 🙄
On our 3rd transfers the day I found it it hadn’t worked, a girl at work (sits next to me) announced she was pregnant, it’s like someone it constantly testing you isn’t it?? I just keeping thinking, everything happens for a reason and we will all get our babies when we are meant to! Don’t lose faith 😘 xx
Ropa19 that must have been so hard doing at the same time as your friend and having to be happy when she got her Bfp! Yeah it so frustrating when we are doing all we can and others are doing all the things your apparently not meant to do like drink! That must have been difficult with your work colleague announcing it too. Thank you for your reply and good luck to you xxx💕
Ah Skippy, rant away! The girls have covered lots of avenues to explore and I can't help much with this as I'm about to start first round.
But as for friends and families, can you communicate with them how you feel, can you set boundaries? There is good leaflet on this site somewhere which is advice to friends and family of a couple going through infertility. I actually sent it to my friends. The ones who have taken it on board are the ones I hold dear. I have lost a 'friend' during this because of her insensitivity and put boundaries up with one or two family members that I never did before and I'm better for it. Sometimes people just don't get it until you explain it. Sometimes we can't explain it ourselves. If you can't vocalise it perhaps use some blogs - there is a great piece on the blog Saltwater and honey about pregnancy announcements which I love and also have sent to a few friends...it is possibly to push through awkwardness.
As for jealously,mmm I'm not sure. think of it as grief... you've lost your babies, you don't want their babies, if your like me you just want the baby back, which is so sad.
Thank you for your reply at Laurajanef. Good luck with your first round. I should really be counting myself lucky as this batch is still from my first round and I haven’t had to do a second round yet as many of the inspirational and strong women have had on here. I’ll have a look on those blogs you’ve recommended thank you maybe that will help. You’re right I’m not jealous of their babies but it does make me so sad and remind me of the one I miscarried. I will always remember the little flicker on ultrasound which was the little heartbeat 💗 xxx
Sod's law dictates such things often happens when you waiting, believing, hoping, and then suddenly a friend of yours is calling you and saying that she is pregnant. Despite the frustration or despair, anger or devastation, we should keep ourselves calm and try not to show these bad emotions as it may ruing friendship. We should thank God for the gift he made to our friends or relatives and not be envious. Our efforts will be blessed sooner or later. All in good time!
Thank you for your reply & advice. I don’t believe in God but you’re right I don’t want to ruin my friendship so I will try stay calm and keep these emotions at bay. I’m hoping Science & a bit of luck will get me there in the end. Good luck to you xxx
It's so not fair is it the way it's easy for some people but not for you isn't it?
I honestly know exactly what your saying my best friend is pregnant after only a couple months I’m so happy for her but pissed off 🤣 at the same time. Hang on in there it does get easier xxx don’t let it change u and don’t let it ruin your friendship xxx
Thank you boo, good to know other people experience the same feelings and that it’s not just me. It’s the whole process that makes you feel like this. Good luck to you xxx
Definitely. The process is crazy and I swear it’s made me crazy at times 🤪 when friends and family fall pregnant that’s probably the hardest part for me anyway. You slap on the smile congratulate them then secretly die a little bit inside. It’s honestly a completely normal feeling. Just remember to stay strong speak to ur partner or someone about ur feelings or even someone on here xxx best wishes to you too xxx
Thank you at Cinderella. I’ve read you’re story and my heart breaks for you 💔I’m so sorry this will be your second loss. So unfair😥. I will definitely get my levels tested thank you. Wishing you luck, you really deserve a break in this never ending shit storm! Big hugs to you too xxx
Hi Skippy, I am not as far a long in my journey as you - still on medication but I feel your sadness and pain and anger at the world. We were told we had to TTC for 3 years before getting to see a consultant. Consultant told us I had PCOS and I wouldn't be able to conceive naturally (waste of 3 years) Emotionally drained before we even began! Friend is currently pregnant with 3rd (which was unexpected as she only wanted 2) If you ever need to rant feel free to message me
Aw thank you hope25! That’s very kind of you! Can’t believe you had to try for 3 years before you could even see the consultant!! That’s so frustrating! Hope you can get the PCOS under control now you’ve been diagnosed. Can’t believe people who don’t want kids just happen to get pregnant without trying 😕likewise feel free to message me too! Xxx
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