Hi everyone I thought I would write a post just generally to let off some steam. Firstly I'm all crampy and hormonal after being on the pill for 19days, thankfully 2pills left then I can have a bleed finally 😊
I will be having a scan Next Week and picking up my stimm injections, EC should be at end of the month. I feel like I should be happy to be finally starting our 3rd and final round but I can't help but feel fine one day then upset, tearful and nervous the next 😕
After 9 years of trying, 3 laparoscopies, numerous tests, 1 natural miscarriage, 2rounds ivf/icsi, mild ohss first time, severe life threatening ohss second round, 7failed transfers, 1 ending in early miscarriage I thought I'd be used to it all by now, iv always kept going and nothing has bugged me in the past. Maybe theres more pressure with it being our final round or maybe having severe ohss and getting hospitalised last time terrifies me it'll happen again I'm not sure. I know all is being tweaked and monitored closely this time and put on short protocol but can't help but feel a bit lost.
In my head I go through days of feeling a little excited to have a chance to try again but then a bit of fear about over responding again and getting ohss creeps in and as we are doing short protocol this time I also fear not getting any eggs, silly I know 🙄
Well I know that's a lot of waffling iv done so far, I needed to write this today as feeling really down. I went to my best friends house last night and took along pregnancy tests for her as she was a tad late, I popped up-to the bathroom with her and indeed she was pregnant. I am over the moon for her and her husband but then feel bad for feeling sad inside. My friend started trying for a baby after getting married 2.5years ago and was pregnant within 4wk and has a little boy, she started trying again 5week ago for a second child. I'm so happy for her but couldn't help but feel like a failure myself inside and so mad that my body can't do what it's supposed to do. I think seeing those 2lines come up has brought it all back to me.
I'm trying to remain positive but think I'm having one of those really off days which is really rare for me. Sorry for all my ramblings today. I didn't expect to write so much but feel better for doing so. It's nice to blow off some steam and sometimes hard to talk to the ppl around me, this site has always helped me. I hope everyone can one day have their little miracles, congrats to those who are on the path already, for those who like me are still on our journey for that longed for bfp I wish you all the luck in the world. I started this post feeling hopeless but ending it feeling a little hope. Xx ❤❤