You'd think of all people, nurses would understand!

[bms12]

I had my Laparoscopy ovarian drilling a few weeks ago and since then its been stewing on my mind how insensitive the nurse was! About 10 minutes after I woke up I made a comment about it being a bit uncomfortable and the NURSE's response was 'well you should try have a C-section and tell me how painful it is then' now usually I'm a pretty chilled person and I take things on the chin because I know how things are usually unintended but this really annoyed me.. she was fully aware of what the procedure was for and even wished me luck with baby making but come on? what an insensitive comment! I'd rather be cut open and be handed my baby than cut open to POSSIBLY have the chance to have a baby. Urghh, people just don't get it!

[_MrsC]

Wow! It was really insensitive! She probably didn't think before she said it which I find is what happens most of the time with people who say insensitive things. I'm sorry you had such a rough time. When I had my hycosy, the trainee dr went on and on about how it was her first day back from maternity leave! Oh to be able to have a baby to even get maternity leave! She wasn't being nasty just thoughtless. I think we all have experiences of insensitive comments. Doesn't help though when you're on the receiving end. x

[bms12 in reply to _MrsC]

It is really insensitive, I don't usually think about comments people make but I don't think it should come from medical professionals of all people. They wouldn't have said something like that to someone having a hysterectomy so why for fertility treatment? x

[Aleelilook in reply to _MrsC]

Wow! People are horrific at times, no bloody clue, but in this instance she did! Ridiculous xxx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry you had this cruel comment.

I had exactly the same comment after my first 2 hour surgery for stage 4 endometriosis. I was really sick about 1 week post op, and a person close to me, said - 'why are you taking so long to recover from a laparoscopy when women recover within days of having a c section!'...

I could not believe it was said to me, and I will never forget that. Because of course, my diagnosis and surgery also included bilateral endometrioma - so those were drained from the ovaries - which clearly meant my chances of conception were very low. This person knew this too. This person already had children I had none, at the time.

I am sorry you have had the same comment. I agree that its mostly likely said in ignorance, or just pure insensitivity but it really isn't good enough - particularly for a trained nurse.

And you know what - the comment is utter bs anyway. I can say this, because, I have had a c section. When you have a c section, yes it's awkward to recover from - but you have a bundle of joy as a result of the surgery. So it's simply not a stressful experience. It's just tiring, that is all. And recovery from my c section was significantly easier than recovery from my invasive endo surgeries.

The fact my IVF worked and I now have a child, still does not take away the memory of these things.

So, long story from me - but I just want you to know that I completely know how this feels. i stewed on the comment for a very very long time and years later, I did tell this person what they said. They denied all memory of ever saying it.

I wish for you the same luck as I had with IVF (I was 39 was given a man 20% chance of IVF working) - I really hope you have the same fortune. I hope you recover well from the surgery.

Let us know how you get on. xx

[bms12 in reply to Hidden]

Wow what a lovely outcome to your story, I'm happy things worked out well in the end. I imagine your recovery was a lot more complex, mine wasn't as complicated as your own and I have no doubt that a C-section does take longer to recover than my own as I was fine after a couple days except for a little bit of aching. I do think however, that people should just keep their snide comments to themselves. I'm getting to the end of my tether with them now. In the past week we mentioned to my in-laws that we were looking for an adults only hotel to go on holiday so we can avoid having to see all the happy families around the pool all the time, we will at least get a break from it while at the hotel. We are always around children and that's fine but 10 days of being able to choose not to see/hear children would be refreshing we think. So anyway my sister in law decided to pipe up with "well how will you cope with your own kids then? cant just dump them on everyone else to go on holiday" like seriously?! coming from the person who requires her mother and father to look after her kids Monday to Friday whether she is at work or not, spends all her time at their home instead of her own, they pay for most of the kids dancing, toys etc and because her and her partner "cant afford on their 40+ income" her parents give her money for food and shopping!! The same person who said to me the second time she got pregnant that if it made me feel any better she was thinking of getting an abortion! people just DO NOT get it! They all act like we never bother with any of them, when in reality we just stopped initiating conversation all the time. We never get invited anywhere and get left out from "family gatherings" because we don't have the grandkids and because were not attention demanding. arghh!! think I'm on a rant tonight haha! x

[Coracle in reply to Hidden]

Good grief. So sorry this happened to you too iloveeggs. xx

[TTCs]

Hi that comment was totally insensitive and uncalled for. I totally agree that people can speak before they think and usually don't mean it but from a professional who has no doubt has been involved in this procedure several times - she should have more wit than to say something like this!!!! I'm horrified. We all know that sometimes we say things with friends that we wouldn't say in a work / situation and be professional...even if she wanted to say this she should have bit her tongue before it came out....grrrrrrrrr 😐 I'm sorry you had to hear this from her xxxx

[bms12 in reply to TTCs]

Totally, I work in care and I'm currently studying to be a nurse and sometimes things do pop into your head that you hold back because you know it's not necessarily the right thing to say to that person. I understand a c section would of course be more uncomfortable but regardless of the surgury it's still going to have some degree of discomfort with it. Maybe she was just very sheltered haha. I guess it's not something you can truly comprehend unless you are going through it yourself xx

[Coracle in reply to bms12]

BMS, you were totally right the first time. It was a TOTALLY WRONG, INSENSITIVE AND UNPROFESSIONAL thing to say!!! I cannot believe it.

Personally, I think it's also worth remembering pain relief when it comes to pain... If a c-section patient has great pain relief straight after her op, she will be comfortable. If an ovarian drilling patient does not have great pain relief after her op, she will have worse pain or could be in agony. I speak as a GP, and someone who was pain free after laparotomy and serious gynae surgery... thanks to good pain relief and people on the ball with topping me up with drugs... actually, I remember now.. I had one of those fabby buttons I could press and it just gave me another bolus of morphine, waheyyyyyyy! But someone next to me could be in worse pain, with a more minor procedure.. because their pain meds were not right. I was just lucky to get the morphine pump!

I am so so sorry you have had to go through this proceedure in the first place, that you were in discomfort, and in response to that, you had a totally unsympathetic nurse who then followed it up with a very cruel comment. Complain. Seriously. People need to learn or others will be affected.

I think you can tell by now we are all with you! Big hugs. xx

[bms12 in reply to Coracle]

Yeah, when I woke up onext of the first things I remember is saying I was in pain and the nurse asking the anesthetist what I'd had, I didn't here his response but the nurse said "well that's why!" And gave me some oramorph then she took me round and made the comment on the way so the oramorph hadn't kicked in x

[Coracle in reply to bms12]

So sorry xxx

[Macca13]

Hi ya. It's awful you had to experience a nurse who was very insensitive towards you and chose to voice her words in the way she did. The nurse I had through IVF round was the exact same, seemed she didn't want to be there and her words were nasty from day one. I usually do stand up for self but couldn't bring myself to do it. I hope you don't experience attitude and comments again, alone this whole process is hard enough and we didn't sign up for nasty comments as well xx

[emu2016]

WHAT?! Oh for goodness sake. What a silly thing to say x

[bms12]

It really is, it's been stewing in my mind. A well, it only fuelled my awareness project! I would have responded but unfortunately I wasn't on form as It had only been about 15 minutes since I had woken up!