Too close to home???: Hi Everyone, I'd... - Fertility Network UK

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Too close to home???

natalie1988
natalie1988

Hi Everyone,

I'd love to know if anyone has any advice that could help me cope with a difficult situation I'm in.

My sister is currently 20weeks pregnant and I am finding it harder the further on she gets. She got married in March a couple of weeks after we found out that IVF was the best option for us. She fell pregnant on her wedding night!

I don't want people to think I'm bitter towards other people falling pregnant I'm just finding things said and done quite insensitive. I.e having conversations in front of me about baby names and clothes.

I've put on a brave face and even tried my best to join in conversations (sometimes wondering is this letting them think oh she must be fine then)

I feel so selfish for feeling this way but how do I don't know how I can cope other than distancing myself from her x

23 Replies
Hidden
Hidden

It’s ok to feel this way seriously. I thought my heart would break when my best friend (like a sister to me we’ve always known each other) got pregnant a week after she got married. Hearing her talk about her pregnancy was difficult, seeing their little family was heartbreaking as I wasn’t jealous just wished I could start the next chapter of my life. Fast forward a year and I’m absolutely besotted with her daughter, she makes my heart dance. You may find that you feel the same. Be sad but don’t stay in that sad place too long. It will happen for you! Xxxx

natalie1988
natalie1988 in reply to Hidden

Aww that makes me so happy to hear. So lovely that you have your little girl now. Thank you 💕 xx

Hidden
Hidden in reply to natalie1988

Her little girl hun. Not mine. I’m waiting the results of a 5day transfer xx From your lips to god’s ears xxx I’d love a mini me! But to be honest I just want a healthy baby x

natalie1988
natalie1988 in reply to Hidden

Oh gosh I'm so sorry I completely miss read your message...everything crossed for you though 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 I know what you mean xx

I found it hard when my sister in law was pregnant for the first time and I let my parents know I was finding hard so they didn’t start conversations like that with her in front of me. But it all changed once my niece was born, I just loved her to bits and found I was fascinated by everything about her, wanting to talk baby about her as much as the rest of the family. Hopefully this will happen for you as well, I have found being an aunty is very special and I think you appreciate it more when you are conscious that you may never get to be a mummy.

I know that's what I'm hoping. I feel this enormous amount of guilt for feeling this way about something so amazing for my sister.

I've been putting on a brace face since we found out, only speaking to my husband and a friend who has been through IVF about how I feel. It all got a little too much over the weekend though after she found out what she was having and I just couldn't handle hiding it anymore.

I really hope I feel the same way as you once she is here.

Thank you for your reply 💕

Hidden
Hidden

Have you spoken to her about how you are feeling? Would that help to relieve some stress?

It is a very difficult situation and I feel for you.

Xxx

natalie1988
natalie1988 in reply to Hidden

Unfortunately she's not the most sensitive of people anyway, which is why it's making the situation even worse. I feel if I did approach her she would get defensive and there would be no understanding for anyone else. Over the weekend I spoke to my parents and said how I felt some things said haven't been sensitive (I could list the things said but we would be here all day)anyway they said they would speak to her and just explain things. Only time will tell I guess but the sad thing is I feel keeping my distance from her is the easiest way for me to cope with it al. Thank you for replying 💕 xx

Hidden
Hidden

Have you started ivf and does she know that this is your situation?

natalie1988
natalie1988 in reply to Hidden

We had a course of IVF that was abandoned and converted into IUI but was unsuccessful. We are just waiting to start out next round of IVF. She knows the situation. I just don't think she gets it. Which I've come to realise not many people do unless they're in the situation. X

I have to be honest, when many friends got pregnant I really struggled with the period that they were pregnant and then when the baby arrived I found it much easier. I couldn't feel bad that this gorgeous little person had arrived. I did find I distanced myself during every pregnancy though as a form of self-preservation.xx

natalie1988
natalie1988 in reply to precioce

That's how I'm feeling right now keeping my distance just focusing on what I need to do is the best thing. I feel this enormous sense of guilt for it though and I worry I will look back on it all and feel bad. It's awful for the family as I feel they don't know how to ac.

I do think you're right in the once the baby is here it'll be different...I hope. Thank your for replying 💕 xx

precioce
precioce in reply to natalie1988

It's difficult for everyone but I do think the love that you will feel for that person will mean the next few months on distance will be forgotten.xx

natalie1988
natalie1988 in reply to precioce

I certainly hope so. I'd like to think they will understand in time. Thank you xx

Hidden
Hidden

It’s so difficult. My sister started trying a few months after us & we hoped we’d be pregnant at the same time! She fell 14 months later & I felt alone as we’d talk so much about the trials & tribulations of TTC. I found this site and since I haven’t felt alone. I found the pregnancy very difficult & she didn’t want to hurt me. Along came my niece whose now nearly 5 and I love her to bits 😍 it no longer hurts. The Aunty love will ease it 🙂 Right now do best by you and I’m sure your sister will understand. Keep believing that your time will come ❤️ xoxo

natalie1988
natalie1988 in reply to Hidden

You're right it certainly helps to have someone to talk too. I don't like to think of anyone being in the same situation at I am but it is nice to hear you're not alone. Thank you 💕 xx

I know how you’re feeling. We have been ttc for a year now with no luck... my colleague fell pregnant straight away. And that’s all I hear everyday, I find it the hardest when people moan about being pregnant. However not everyone will see it from our side as they are lucky enough not to have had any problems. I find everyday it gets that little bit easier, and I’m sure when the baby comes along you’ll forget about any negative feelings. 💕

natalie1988
natalie1988 in reply to L90fre

Aww I'm sorry to hear you're feeling the same. I know what you mean, my sister has on a number of occasions moaned about things.

No unfortunately I don't think people do understand. I almost wish there was something you could give to family and friends on how to help and understand it all. Thank you 💕 xx

I know how you feel & if it’s not completely normal then you’re not alone as I feel that way too! 🙈

I am waiting (and secretly awfully dreading) the day my sister tells me she’s pregnant. I feel myself looking at her to see if I can see anything, relieved if she has a drink or tells me she’s on her period. I feel so bad for feeling that way but unfortunately it’s true. After 3 years of this hell thats the monster I’ve turned into.

My boss is currently pregnant (that was the other one I dreaded) & it’s a living hell right now. Going to work every day kills me & I can’t tell you how I manage to get myself through all the chat day in day out. If I didn’t have to be there then I definitely wouldn’t be is all I can say! I agree that bumps are so much harder than the actual baby, I don’t know why but it’s the bump I struggle with. She was actually going to complain to me the other day about how fat she was feeling but stopped herself at the last minute, I would give my right arm to have that ‘problem’

I think we just have to try & take care of ourselves, cry when we need to & then pick ourselves up & put a brave face on even when you’re dying inside. I know that’s a lot easier said than done sometimes though! Lots of love xx

natalie1988
natalie1988 in reply to CBOO1

I completely relate to all of what you've said. With my sister falling pregnant so quickly after after getting married (a whole 10hours which she thought was hilarious to joke about in front of me) it was a shock but I guess I didn't have that time to do all the questioning. I definitely do all of those things with my friends though.

It's almost laughable at times for someone to moan about being pregnant in front of you knowing your situation.

You're exactly right. Thank you for you're reply. I hope it gets easier for you 💕 xx

Your definitely not alone! My sister has recently found out she is pregnant. This all happened around the same time that I had a shed load of medication delivered to start my first round of ivf. I just cried and cried. Why does it have to be so difficult for me!?! She’s now 7-8 weeks and I am finally starting to overcome the bitterness and feel excited. I am in the middle of my first cycle so if that was to Work being pregnant together would be amazing..though can’t say I’m overly confident. You are definitely not alone though. When do you start ivf? Xx

I'm so sorry to hear you're in the same situation. I was feeling better about it but I think with all the comments etc it's just making it too hard for me to put on a brave face. Everything crossed for you 🤞🏻keep positive.we start our next cycle on the 25th we're having to do a long protocol this time, just praying it all works out xx

Thank you! Hope everything works out for you too which I’m sure it will. Our time has to come soon 💕

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