Am I being over sensitive?

Hi everyone,

I don't know if I'm being ridiculous or if my friend is being a bit insensitive. I am having my laparoscopy in just over a week and I'm a bit worried about it. She, on the other hand is a mum to a 2 month old. Today she sent a message to our friend group chat saying that she had been for her first physio session (after some complications in labour). She said that she couldn't believe that a friend of hers had a baby 6 months ago and id pregnant again, with no complications, whereas she had loads of complications.

It's just not what I need to hear at the moment. She has her baby and I'm far from that, wondering if I ever will.

Honest opinions welcome.

Lucy x

21 Replies

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  • It is normal to feel that friends and family are being insensitive . They are probably not intentionally being that way. But often also don't know how to support us xx

  • That's very true. Today a friend of mine tagged all of our friends (except me) in a parenting meme on Facebook. I hid the post. I wonder if I'll ever get tagged by friends in parenting posts, memes, jokes.

    Your friend probably hasn't even considered her comments may be insensitive to you and it sounds like she may have had a hard time during labour. You're not being ridiculous. You can't help how you feel xx

  • Thank you. I hope you're ok, that can't have been easy today for you. Xx

  • I'm used to her doing that kind of stuff. She just doesn't think! I'm ok xx

  • I agree, I'm sure she was not deliberately insensitive. Personally I get more offended if people avoid topics of pregnancy/babies around me as I hate feeling left out... we are already left out of the experience, I don't want to be left out of all the conversations too!

    That said, I do sometimes have to skip past things on fb.

  • It's just she is rather self centred-always going on about what's happening with her, doesn't ask about how I am coping. My other friends are really good at checking on me-for which I'm really grateful. I think now I've vented about it, I feel better and can get on with it!!x

  • Some people are like that they think the world evolves around them and that the world owes them something. I know a few people like that. I just try to switch off from them when they are moaning . Really I want to tell them a few home truths but it's just easier not to xx

  • Yes, I agree-much easier to let it go. Thank you for your reply xx

  • Your welcome. Always here for a chat if you need one xx

  • Oh no this is totally normal. I get so hurt and upset by some of the things my friends say. I honestly just don't think they have any clue what we all have to go through and they never will. Don't be angry it's just a lack of understanding on their side. Xx

  • Thank you xx

  • It's surprising how people can be very much in their own world and upsetting when you have made them aware of your situation. One of my best friends knew I'd been trying for over 3 years at the time to have a baby and at a group get together said it hadn't been easy for her either, yet she had had 2 boys in 3 years. Luckily for me another friend said what are you talking about and made her realise so I didn't have to!

  • It's like they're in their own world! Thank you for your reply xx

  • I think people just don't engage their brain before speaking but she should have thought about you before sending that. Yesterday my friend (after I'd been telling her where I'm up to in this IVF cycle) made a comment about a funny fb post about people without children not knowing what tiredness is! Well I felt like saying I'd love to have that kind of tiredness rather than the endometriosis related one where some nights are so bad with pain, I certainly do know tiredness!! The thing is she's usually so sensitive & has been great during this journey that I let it go, it still hurts though 😕 Hope you don't have to endure any more of these comments xx

  • That's exactly what my mum said-she didn't engage her brain. I'm sorry your friend said something really hurtful too! I'm so glad I can share my experiences on here and people understand and don't judge.

    I'm sorry to hear about your endometriosis and pain. I've just found out that I might have it and have my laparoscopy next week.

    xx

  • There's definitely lots of us who understand and would never judge Hun, it's such a safe space to be honest.

    I'm glad you have your laparoscopy soon & can get some answers. Hope you don't have it but if you do at least you're being seen and can look at your options. Lots of luck xx

  • Thank you for your kind words. My other friend has made my day-sent me a lovely note and a relaxation pack for after the op. Made me remember people (other than on here) do care xx

  • People just don't engage brain before speaking. It's normal to feel others are being insensitive towards you but they don't mean any harm.. my brothers partner is a foster mum and has recently got a baby placed with her, says the other night sure you can have baby to look after when we go out, she knows all about my fertility stuff and couldn't believe what she said!! Good luck with laparoscopy I hope all goes well xx

  • Thank you. Well that wasn't very helpful of her! People just don't think xx

  • I phoned my friend to speak to her about my worries. She started to tell me about how things change when you are a parent "you won't understand how a mother feels as you aren't one". My best friend got married last November and is expecting a baby in September. Told me on the day of my operation that she had felt her baby move all weekend and couldn't sleep. I was then introduced to someone as being "the one with no kids, we all talk about it" at my cousin's funeral (she died of ovarian cancer aged 32, a day before my 32nd birthday). People are insensitive. But the hardest thing is they are just doing their everyday thing. One day children will be part of your life. Keep positive. You aren't on your own. Xxx

  • Thank you so much. It sounds like you've had a tough time with others too, sorry to hear that. Peoples' words can cut deeply.xx

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