Being over sensitive to advice!

I know my friend means well as she has also had ivf, but I find her comments condescending. She has experienced ivf in the past, but I just feel everyone's journey is so personal that I don't like to comment on her experience.

When I told her that I was doing ivf abroad she was aghast with horror.... don't comment on something you don't know about. Prior to my previous cycle she offered to keep me in check?!?! What am I going to do? Inject my husband instead or go on a 48 bender? I am an adult with a well balanced life not an ill behaved 16 year old.

She was adamant I shouldn't fly back too soon as she thought it would have an impact on success.. so I was worried about admitting I was home.

Then tonight I got a text asking if I was 'relaxing' that's fine... but then she said 'and no early testing this time' well again that's up to me. I text back saying I was glad I tested early before as helped when I started to bleed. I had a bit of control.

Anyway she only means well but it has taken me from serene and happy this evening to feeling on edge.

Sorry to rant! But Bugger off.

22 Replies

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  • Can I laugh first? Hahahahahahahahaha.

    But only laughing because omfg. MOTHERS! I think you just described my mum!

    On the day before we flew my mum emailed me an email from someone I met 20 years ago who has struggled for 12 years to have a baby. She described what she did and now my mum wasn't convinced: Was I seeing the right doctor and should consider seeing one in London. (I live nr Leeds); I should have considered an IUI; did I understand that being abroad they might mix my embryo up.

    Yes Mum: because I'm going to the only country in the whole world which doesn't speak English; I want to move to London and haven't considered everything.

    We know they care. But sometimes just 'how are you' is enough!

    Sorry for laughing x

  • You have completely released my wound up annoyance! I would never ever say anything because I am not that sort of person. I have to laugh now because there is nothing else to do!

    When I told my mum that they thawed the wrong embryos she thought that they were going to put someone else's in.

    She also keeps breaking my don't ring before 9am or after 9pm as I will think there is an emergency.. she only rings to see if I have come on my period. Sweet...

    Thank you again! Fingers and everything crossed for tomorrow. Xx

  • I think it's just hard to have to try and understand their pain when we're feeling it worse.

    When I found out we probably needed donor eggs my mum told me that she was hurting more than me. I despair!

    Big hugs xx

  • When I told my mum and dad I was using DE, my mum was very quiet and my dad said oh that's great you can choose a boy or girl ha ha (god knows what was going through his head) ha ha x

  • Haha! When I told my mum our donor might come from Moldova or Cyprus and we explained that they matched on looks and skin tone etc she rang the next day and asked if we we had really thought this donor egg stuff through. Was Mongolia the right place?

    I nearly lost my shit.

    One of Mr Emus friends asked if our child would be able to speak English if the donor was from another country.

    He just answered carefully! x

  • This is hilarious! Oh I feel so much better! Xx

  • This made me laugh, glad it isn't just at our house. Suppose it's a whole new world to others xx

  • Hysterical! Bless you Emu...this and your fantastic BFP have made my day xxx πŸ˜‚

  • Well ladies this post has made me laugh!!! Injecting your husband πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ although to be fair I might flippin try it as nothing else seems to be working so might be worth a go!!

    As for mum's, when I said I was going to Ukraine for DE she asked what language it would speak πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Is this woman for real. She does have Parkinson's but that's no bloody excuse. Xx

  • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  • Haha your mom is the laughing my head off.

  • I actually could do with sedating him now. I am having to rub HIS back because he is stressed... hello... Me πŸ™‹.

    Because he had to have a biopsy on his testicle he did suggest a Czech sperm donor. He added there would be additional career opportunities for a bilingual child. Wtf... Did I actually marry you?


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  • I love this chain of messages! Only us donor egg ladies will understand the mental things people say!! Try to let it pass and keep on laughing πŸ˜‚ xx

  • I didnt tell my mom about my ivf coz i know she would drive me nuts with her suggestions sister knows about it and she is calm and asks me about it in a nice way.good luck to you all.

  • Things I wish I'd known. #DontTellMum

  • Haha well they mean well and we need their support no matter how crazy they can get.but i just couldnt deal with this and with mum constantly suggesting things and overwhelming me.i swear she would make it about her.haha .i will tell her when i get a bfp and im sure i won't hear the end of how nobody tells her anything .bless her.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  • Hi. I think she's probably trying to be helpful but has forgotten the emotional side of it all. I'm assuming hers was successful? If so she probably feels entitled to be all knowing. Perhaps gently remind her that actually each lady's journey is personal with different hurdles and that all you need from her is a sounding board with no judgement. If that doesn't work I'd tell her to go away (in not such a polite way probably). My friend wanted to know the ins and outs of it all and I didn't want to discuss it as it was all still raw at that point and we didn't have answers of any kind. She got really nasty telling me I wasn't treating her like a friend. We don't speak any more because she was offended. Top it off she 'struggled' for 3 months to conceive and then told me on the day she announced her pregnancy that she didn't know if she could have another one. She wondered why I didn't want to discuss my 4 year long journey. How could someone so ungrateful for the gift of motherhood support me in my journey to achieving it? I'm better off without her. xxx

  • Yes hers was successful and we are totally different people, I have to remember that. However I tend to try and surround myself with none forceful people if you know what I mean... so when a friend inflicts a sort of 'attitude' at this point I immediately get defensive.

    Your friend sounds like she wasn't worth the energy. People are funny fish at times.

    My friend is over later so if mentions something then I think I will just gently remind her that we are very different. I think our parenting will be different too... she is 3 months ahead of me if it works this time.

    Whilst I will be at baby yoga she will beat baby boot camp lol.

    Thank you for your supportive words. Xxx

  • Relax and look after your little embryo that's on board don't worry about other people and good luck xxxx

  • That's so true. Lovely words thank you. Xxxx

  • Your welcome all that is important right now is you and your little embryo xxx

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