Possibly sensitive - advice needed.

[Greenleaves1]

Hi - I posted a few weeks back regarding a friend I'd met at the fertility clinic (we have been in the trenches together) had a successful FET & how I felt "why not me".

Unfortunately she had her 7 week scan & there was no baby. I'm devastated for her, I've never had a friend go through this before so I'm trying to support/give space based on her signals.

Next week she will be going through the process of miscarriage - just when I start my meds for FET.

This whole fertility rollercoaster is crazy, all the hurdles, hopes, dreams, slashed so quickly.

I'm nervous and scared (of the same thing happening to me or it not working) for my FET now. I know I need to remain focused on myself & my wellbeing for this round but I also want to be as supportive as I can be.

I'm not sure what advice I need, just maybe reassurance or...I don't know.

[Christianbaby]

The fertility rollercoaster is indeed crazy and emotionally exhausting. It's normal to feel a mix of emotions—fear, anxiety, hope, and even guilt—especially when your friend's situation hits so close to home. You want to be supportive for her while also taking care of yourself, and that's a delicate balance to strike.

It's okay to feel nervous and scared about your upcoming FET. Take things one step at a time and focus on your well-being. Sending you strength, positivity, and hope for your journey. x

[Greenleaves1 in reply to Christianbaby]

Thank you xx

[Twiglet2]

One of my triggers was all my cousins getting pregnant around me and I started to feel resentment and pressure about it. Then my lovely cousin had a miscarriage and it was a real mentality changing moment for me, I felt so guilty for having ever been ‘jealous’ or feeling resentment at her happy news for this to then happen. It was of course not my fault and a totally normal reaction for someone going through IVF but still I did some work on my mindset around others pregnancies and how they didn’t affect my chances of success in any way and how to be happy for others whilst sad for me was a separate thing. I did miscarry on my next round actually (none of my family knew we were going through IVF) and she got pregnant again (naturally). I was really happy for her and it felt good for me to feel that! My next round after that worked and we now have 3 year old boys only a few months apart. I think what I learned from it all was other peoples pregnancies or losses in no way mean the chances of me being pregnant or me having a loss is changed in any way. We are each on our own journeys and we never know what someone else is going through so all we can do is support each other (when we have the strength to do it) and be hopeful for ourselves. Not sure if any of that experience helps your situation at all lovely ☺️ good luck for your upcoming FET 🤞🏽 xxx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi. What happens to one, won’t necessarily happen to another, so keep some positivity going, and I hope you both get there in your own times. Thinking of you lots. Diane

[LittleL3]

I had a very similar experience with a friend where I didn't get pregnant on my first cycle whereas she did but then found out no heartbeat at 7 wk scan. I then went onto become pregnant on a second cycle whilst she was going through a protracted miscarriage process. So I went from feeling left behind to suddenly feeling ahead but guilty. I think all you can do is check-in l, be sensitive and be there for each other throughout the process as you never know what is around the next corner, no matter who is currently 'in the lead'. As you have shared the highs and lows you will understand better than anyone what she is going through. Also there is a good chance you will both end up having similar babies in the end so hold onto that as well.

[Greenleaves1 in reply to LittleL3]

Thank you. It's all swings and roundabouts isn't it xx