Am I being over sensitive?

Hi guys,

I am really happy that We r finally in the 2ww thinking we would never get here! Can't help that I'm feeling a little upset tho & questioning myself over it!

I'm very much heart on sleeve & all my friends know we are on this journey! I sent texts to 15 friends & family yesterday letting them know the news after they all wished me luck the previous day!

2 of my girlfriends whom are part of our little group of 3 ( who both have 1 year olds so it's been a tough year dealing with that) are the only 2 that have not even acknowledged my text despite the fact I know they read it some 14 hours ago (the joys of whatsapp!!)

I feel so hurt and can't help thinking what could possibly have caused them in such a long period to have no time to even spend 30 seconds even sending a ❀️ Or πŸ‘πŸΌ If they were busy! It wasn't even a work day!!

Sorry for the pathetic rant but trying to talk to my partner he just says he doesn't know y I bothered to tell them anything!!

Should I let them know later down the line how they made me feel or realise maybe I'm not that important to them or just swallow my disappointment? πŸ˜₯

Ps.this is probably exacerbated by the daily texts I get from partners mum saying how jealous she is of our time here in Greece?!?! Because obviously she must think that spending £5k on 10 days in a cold Greek city dealing with fertility issues is top of everyone's wish list!!😑

Sorry, rant over x

44 Replies

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  • It's not very nice for your friends to not even acknowledge your message.. not that it's any excuse but to be honest I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through infertility really understands the impact these sort of small actions have on us. I'm sure your friends haven't deliberately ignored you, but probably don't see it as a big deal. I've just had my 2nd IUI which my friend new i was going through and she didn't message me to ask how it had gone either. I find the ladies in this forum are the best to turn to as they all get it. Try not to be too down, fingers crossed for you xx

  • Thanks Hun, I really thought they got it after spending so much time talking to me about it! I know I'm ultra sensitive right now with all the meds.i guess u r saying to let it pass, I'm just a bit worried it'll fester.i may just avoid them til I feel in a calmer space xxx

    How did your treatment go Hun? Did ur friend eventually acknowledge? X

  • Not necessarily let it pass, as if they are your true friends then you should tell them how there actions make you feel. I think your right to wait till the end of 2ww though to prevent more stress on you etc. I just think that even if you tell them in this instance then its possible it may happen again in the future :( my treatment went well thanks, I'm in my 2ww too now.. Looking to start ivf if unsuccessful.. My friend sort of asked how i was when i said id spent the day resting, but it was very prompted!xx

  • Good advice Hun, thank u!!

    Oh wow so when u said u had just had IUI, it literally was just now!! Keep me posted on how u get on! Fingers crossed this is ur time & u won't need to worry about IVF

    It is a shame u have to prompt! I'm starting to realise (at my ripe old age) that people can be quite self involved & selfish.dont know y it's taken me so long to cotton on!!

    I hope ur friend does start to show a more selfless side during this time xxx

  • No problem, anytime :) and yes people can be very selfish unfortunately xxx

  • I agree with Hope_4_2017x and will say that your friends will never understand the physical and the emotional experience you go through during this journey.

    I tried to explain it to my family and sometimes they ask silly questions or they don't react the way I want them to. This used to get me down until I began to accept that they will never understand.

    It's the same with your friends so don't be too hard on yourself and focus on the future ahead.

    Look after yourself Hun xx

  • Thanks Hun, I guess cos everyone else took the time to respond, all of them who had kids easily bar one who has had IVF, that I couldn't understand why these 2 couldn't!

    Really trying not to let it marr this moment but just struggling to get it out of my head

    Hope is right tho, the support on here far outweighs anything I get from immediate friends & family & for that I am v grateful xxx

  • Totally get this , my 'best friend' is absolutely useless !! Ranting on about how she can't stop thinking about her ex (they split up over a year ago) and that the NHS are useless because they refuse to do the tests she needs to 'get to the bottom of the reason behind her acne' ...... sorry to swear but f*#k me. Get a grip.

    Your not alone! If I was you I would politely tell your friends how you feel maybe they will be more supportive x x

  • I have 1 friend exactly like that-fortunately for me she hasn't been a friend for super long so I was able to very quickly put some distance between us! She's one that didn't know I was out here in Greece until she txt me! When I'm home if she asks, I will say I didn't bother telling u bcos u moaning about ur waste of space cheating boyfriend who u keep taking back is always monopolising our conversations!! She even came round to moan about him with a horrendous cold knowing I had treatment pending & I got so ill I had to delay!! Grggggh!!!

    It must be so hard when your best friend is being like that.have u ever said to her?

    I think I may say something once I'm passed the 2ww.i think maybe confronting them now may cause me more stress if they react badly xxx

  • Ugh I keep telling myself that people just don't realise the stress and heartache we're already going through, and how much difference just a few nice words would make. I like to think that if it was me in their position I would be so much more sensitive but that's the beauty of hindsight isn't it I guess. I haven't mentioned it yet no, as she was staying at mine for a couple of nights the most recent time and I didn't want it to be weird but I think if I don't mention it calmly before it happens again - I might blow! Haha. Good luck however you decide to deal with it, and good luck cooking them little embryos in that oven!!! πŸ˜¬πŸ™πŸ½πŸ˜˜

  • Ah thanks Hun and good luck on your journey to.hope ur friend becomes more understanding & that it all goes smoothly if u tell her how u r feeling xxx

  • I know how you're feeling Hun. I'm feeling emotional, yet a little lonely because I haven't told my friends. Sometimes I think I should be more open about it, but worried they won't understand. It's difficult. I definitely respect your openess!

    Good friends always come through x

  • I don't know Hun, I think u probably did the right thing not telling as u avoid situations like this.my partner did warn me but easy for him to say...he has like 1 friend!!

    The reason I've been open about my journey as when I miscarried, it was too early to have told people I was pregnant but then when it went wrong I had no choice to explain why I was such a mess and it felt like it would have been easier if they'd known in the first place.

    That said I do regret being open now I think as I'm probably expecting too much of people but once I feel let down by someone I find it hard to let go of that.

    Try not to feel lonely Hun! Completely get what you're saying though. it is hard, this forum is such a godsend!!

    We will muddle thru together x

  • Hello Hun,

    I'm so sorry that you have been made to feel down because your friends have not done the decent thing and just replied!! I know exactly how you feel and all it's takes is some acknowledgement that having your little embie put bk into you is a massive exciting moment.

    Unfortunately as the girls have said people are not very understanding of the horrible journey us ladies have to go on because for us it's not just as easy to fall naturally and things like getting pregnant is taken for granted. Unless you go through the journey yourself then no one will understand!!

    I have been lucky as my best friend also went through ivf but she was lucky enough to catch first go, so it's hard for her to understand how I feel after a failed attempt but my group of friends have still been so supportive, you do need to raise with them about how you feel but don't do it now you need to concentrate on yourself and being stress free and use this forum to air anything you want as we all know 100% exactly what your going through. So stay strong and calm and good luck for your 2ww.

    One thing I did learn is that I didn't tell anyone about it just me and my partner went through it together and then I told my 2 best friends in my 2ww and that was so much better that way and then just used this forum to help me get through sorry for the essay lol 😘 Xxx

  • Thanks Hun, good advice, I think if there is a next time I might just keep it to myself.just out of all the people supporting me only 1s had IVF, it was easy for the rest but they all were so excited for me yesterday except these 2! I know it's only a text but I'm not sure I'll forget it but will just try & avoid them for now! I think if they text today I won't be able to avoid saying something even if I say it jokingly like..took u long enuf to reply to my life changing event! I'll do it with a laughing face so it doesn't turn in2 anything but I think I will just avoid them in general so they will probably realise.

    I just saw your post, I'm a bit behind on updates being over here.im so sorry it didn't work out this time.i hope u can find away to get the money together to try again.its soooo expensive isn't it? We have to pay all this money and there's teenagers falling pregnant all over the place and then the government pays them for being young single mums!! It's so unfair!! U will do it tho I'm sure xxxx

  • Oh hunny...rant away you are in the right place to do that here. I am the same as you and all my friends know what we are going through. Last cycle I too was surprised by some friends who never texted or got in touch throughout to just even say thinking of you..it upset me too but then I was surprised also by others who I thought would not be as supportive totally came through for me. I never questioned my friends about it and just left it in the end.one friend did say to another friend she didn't know what to say and wanted to organise something nice for me after my bfn however I wish she had said it to me directly as I don't mind if folk don't know what to say. I guess I didn't want to make a fuss about it to those friends as I don't like thinking the world revolves around me and everyone has their own shit to deal with. I know though if u had a friend in need I am always there so my standards can be unreasonably high. I think best to focus on you and those friends that are supportive and distance urself for now from those that aren't. Omg your partners mum..that's funny..my in laws were awful and my own mum said I needed to think more about how she was feeling!!! Honestly some folk..there is a good weekend fact sheet on fertility network for friends and family that we gave to family..they found it helpful. I will copy link here later xxxx

  • Ah thanks Hun, glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. It's funny how the less likely friends r the ones to pull thru when it counts! And family... well my mum won't even tell my dad bcos apparently he doesn't 'agree' with IVF!!😑

    And I guess I to set my standards very high as I try to do everything to be there for my friends even when dealing with my own stuff.i will distance myself for now I think.

    Oh yes that link would b really helpful thank u

    How's your journey going? Xxx

  • I'm so excited your treatment gone so well and shame it has been tampered by your 2 friends... It is odd that no response from either... It would play on my mind too, as you say a quick πŸ‘ would be great... I think with age does come wisdom, as I can't be bothered with people who can't be bothered with me, when I was younger I would of just accepted it... I think you will find right time to slip it in as it would probably eat away at you I feel.

    So no you are not being oversensitive and men do think differently to us so can see why Andy said don't tell others, but a lot of my friends know, as it a huge part of my life, like you so it comes up in conversation.

    Anyway hope they replied by now.. Have a nice chilled day.. Lots of love xxx

  • Thanks Hun, still no reply which is odd cos they messaged day b4 to say good luck and let us know! I'm not gonna message them again but if I hear from them today I won't be able to help myself I will say what took u so long! If they don't text but I hear something next week asking any news, I'll just say thought u weren't interested! It will fester otherwise. It doesn't really matter now what they say cos they kinda spoiled things for me a bit & I know I won't 4get it now.

    I kinda wished now I hadn't told people but I'm just not the type that can keep things in-I'm probably an over sharer if anything! I'm glad it seems your friends know & are supporting u! That's really good & so they should! U deserve it.

    Just got back from a scrummy breakfast, gonna treat myself to a lie down now! Lol!!xxx

  • Hi 72Cloud,

    I haven't told anyone not even my parents or his. I would probably feel very hurt if people did know and didn't acknowledge.

    However, I have to agree that if you not faced with fertility issues, then you probably just don't think it's a big deal.

    The reason I joined this forum is so I could talk to ladies that were going through the same as they know the journey.

    Anyway, for now I wouldn't be that bothered with them, focus on your journey as that's what is hopeful and what you want in future.

    It's irrelevant what people think anyway.

    Best of luck to you and hubby and here you have 2 extra thumbs up and one for extra luck!

    πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

  • Oh bless u Hun, thank u for kind words.

    Just seen your news as well. So sorry to hear.i seem to not be as up to date with everyone's news while I've been here so I'm so sorry I didn't acknowledge on the day.im just like the girls I moaning about in this scenario!!

    Lovely of you that u still found time to offer encouragement to someone else, bless u.

    I wish u all the strength and luck to continue the next part of the journey xxx

  • Hi, no problem... I'm just hoping I can start again asap as I don't want to wait months. I have a review on the 28th and 3 Frosties, so hoping I can get cracking and the hope back in!

    Best of luck on your journey and focus on number 1 and that's you!

  • Thanks Hun, I know one of the other girls on here got the go ahead almost straight away after bfn so hopefully the same will go for u! So good that u still have 3 waiting for u!!

    Best of luck x

  • Thanks you made me feel better... I hope so, I think the waiting is driving me mad. I can accept the result, it's this limbo period that's doing my head in...

    I'm lucky with my Frosties and hopefully they the ones waiting for me....

    I will follow your journey closely and wish you all the best xxx

  • Thanks Hun and I will b following yours! Take care for now! Hope the next week or do speeds by for u xxx

  • Rant away on here. We are all feeling the same types of things. Maybe they didn't know what to say? Plus you are on heightened emotions because if the hormones and the rollercoaster that is the treatment.

    My mum just asked me if I started injections today, and today I was feeling like not talking to anyone about it so fobbed her off. I don't think she can win with me anyway she tries to get to the subject. She said the other morning "can't imagine you with a baby in the morning after being kept up all night as you are not a morning person" I replied with "let's hope ivf doesn't work then". What a stupid thing to say, arghh. Wishing I hadn't told her to be honest.

  • Oh gosh I'm so not happy that everyone seems to be experiencing similar with friends & family as its such a shame but it is a relief to know it seems fairly 'normal' for people to be this way!!

    I think yes the meds arent helping...side affects of steroids I just read, anxiety, mood swings, sleeplessness!! That's all hit me on the 1st day! Lol!!

    Ah mums!! They know how to put their foot in their mouths don't they?!! Mine the same and partners mum, well....😩

    Think everyone on here right, if I need to vent, do it here but basically 4get those that aren't on board my support team right now unless they got a damn good excuse!!πŸ˜‚

    Xxx

  • I don't think you're being over sensitive at all, I think they're probably unsure of how to respond but I would prefer if they asked questions to no response at all. I think they're perhaps uncomfortable with it rather than unkind but I would tell them one to one that you were hurt by their lack of response??

    The most important thing for now though is to take good care of yourself. Eat well, get some rest and enjoy, as much as you can, being away from all of that noise. This is about you and your journey, don't let anyone get in the way of that. Sending love, you've got all of us here in your corner x x x

  • I replied to u this morning momma bear so not sure what happened there!

    Thanks for the advice.i got a text from one this evening asking when I'm flying home so weird still no actual reaction to my news! I haven't bothered to reply!! Just gonna give myself a few days to calm down.one of their daughters was really sick the week b4 I flew (she's fine now) and despite, scans , injections, sorting flights blah blah blah I checked in everyday to see how things were going.she knew I would have been there in person to except it was viral so couldnt risk it with our treatment plan already in progress.

    Your right, just need to take care of me now! Think I'm feeling over sensitive with the meds anyway and kind of gutted I don't feel any different -naive of me I know!!

    Well I've not far behind me as I saw u started menopur already so keep us posted on your progress. Xxx

  • You def not over sensitive. It's the other people who should have some sensitivity. Some people just don't get it and it's not your problem but I know it sometimes hurts and you can't just let it go. Some people also don't know how to deal with situations like this or when they haven't had big struggles in their life they can't put themselves in your situation.

    I hope you are feeling better already xx

  • Thank u for understanding!! Feeling a little calmer now and trying to seperate my feelings about the situation! I'm glad no one thinks it's me being weird cos I was worried x

    Looks like u had some good lucky getting your stuff moving.hope ur appointment goes well x

  • Oh Hun I don't think you're being over sensitive at all, a process like this can be quite harsh in showing us things about those close we perhaps would prefer not to know. What I've found throughout this process is I maybe expect more from people than they're capable of, because of how I know I would respond if the tables were turned. It's a upsetting lesson though πŸ˜•

    I certainly think people can't imagine what it's like unless you've experienced something like this, and people don't always know what to say, personally though I don't feel that's an excuse to not reply or say anything at all. I hope things go well for you and this is just a blip with your friends xx

  • Hi Hun, that's exactly what I discussed with a friend today-my expectations r set too high!! But if it's what I would then it should be doable as I have my own faults as a friend, I know!!it is for sure an upsetting lesson

    I finally got a text from 2 of them this evening asking when I'm flying home but it's like I've never sent the previous text even tho I know I have & it's logged as read.im not even replying right now, better when I've cooled off a bit

    I think these girls should know what to say-we've all been thru so much together, we know the saddest & worst things about each other, we''be discussed life to death so there's no way they don't know what to say but to say nothing is just pants.i hate confrontation tho so hope at some point I'm brave enuf to let them know they've upset me or it will fester

    I hope ur treatment plan u r going on now sees an improvement & u get the BFP u long for next cycle xxxx

  • People are so funny. There's the whole not telling people you're pregnant before 12 weeks rule that they can't seem to get over. I also find that they assume IVF is going to work so they get uncomfortable that your jumping the gun as they see it.... They don't realise that when IVF fails, you need them more than ever which is why you need them to know. They might need some help understanding more so that they can support you - there is a helpsheet somewhere you can download. I've also lost a few people over it too because I find that some people actually don't want to know, it sort of spoils their happiness - I don't need people like that around me.

    My mother-in-law couldn't stop commenting that it was "too early" even when we finally had our 7 week scan with our little boy. The scan showed perfect heartbeat but she didn't want to know because "too early". It felt awful! As IVF mums we need support and recently when we suffered pregnancy lost our second time around they said "oh well at least you tried" that was so far removed from how I felt. It's a lonely place.

    Well done for getting to where you are, 2 blasto's is fantastic, you have the best chance! The 2ww is so hard, rest as much as you can, I recommend hypnotherapy, there are some relaxation tracks you can download on iTunes, there are even some IVF visualisation ones.

    Don't worry about you're friends for now, I'm sure they just don't know how to handle it.

    Be sure to come back on and let us know how you get on, good luck x x x

  • Ah thanks Hun, u were spot on with the reasons I told as when I miscarried 3 years ago, I hadn't told anyone I was pregnant so then it was doubly hard explaining y I needed some support.

    These girls know exactly what a bid deal getting 2 blasts to put back was cos I discussed with them how I'd be shocked if the clinic got any eggs out of me. Its all v strange.

    Feeling v much like it hasn't worked but Flying back today so hopefully will feel more positive once I'm back in comforts of my own home!

    Someone else suggested visualisation as well so I will definitely check that out

    Sorry u had probs with ur mother in law Also and sorry u experienced a loss to. This is a hard journey isn't it? X

  • Hi 72cloud9 .

    I know the feeling . This is your Journey and you want your close friends to be onboard with you too.. however, as I said this is Your Journey ❀❀❀❀

    It would be amazing to have our friends rooting for us as well as this is a mixed emotion journey for us( you name the emotion we go through it )

    As you know I went through this IVF process too and each friends reaction was different .

    What I found was that I can now only talk to a friend that went through this journey . It's impossible for others to understand no matter how much they can empathise with us..

    When I went through miscarriage I could only relate to women who went through the same, others don't know that we hold the memories for ever.

    So, chin up, this is Your Journey and we are all here hoping and praying for each other that we get the bundle of Joy that we sooo want to hold and cherish and nourish .

    This is Your time to focus on yourself and the joy this will bring you..

    Be happy and positive and if some friends are not on board who knows it's possible they just don't understand or don't know how to relate or talk to us . This does not make you or them a bad person .

    It's all good ... We are here for you and if anyone in London even would like to meet up happy to do so as we can share this journey

    Sending a massive hug and positive vibes...

    We can do this

    Xxxx

  • Thanks for such a lovely message Hun. I think u r absolutely right.ifvi do have to go thru this process again I may keep it to just u guys and my friend who has done IVF.its just wrong that all I've been thinking about is this instead of positive baby thoughts.Think the steroids don't help tho-I'm a naturally anxious person but my levels r very heightened since starting them.

    I did get a random text Sunday asking when flying home & one yesterday asking if home yet. Still no acknowledgement of my actual news so they clearly don't 'get it' which I'm so surprised by as we have talked for hours about this and they know I thought the clinic wouldn't get any eggs! I havent responded yet, childish I know! Today I think I will have to say something.think I'm just gonna txt something like,' home now.sorry 4 late reply.not gonna lie girls, was more than a little hurt I got no reply from either of u on Saturday to our news cos it was kinda the biggest news of our journey so far.even a πŸ‘πŸΌ Would have sufficed if u were busy.its a shame as that's now been weighing on my mind the last few days when I really wanted to be focussing my thoughts on positive stuff'

    What do u think? Don't think I can say nothing as its festering. Hopefully they respond nicely but either way unfortunately I feel like there's some damage done.maybe I'll be a little more forgiving when I'm off all these meds!!

    So pleased to hear you are back on this journey.im sorry I haven't been in touch but I kinda wanted to give u ur space after ur sad loss. I can only wish u all the luck in the world for this go and you have 2 little angels who will help guide this cycle in the right direction x

    Ps I'm only just outside of London in cheam so I'd be up to meeting up xxx

  • Hi

    Usually being or just conceiving after a stretch of infertility is very emotional .

    And you are probably very sensitive maybe even a bit scared right now and naturally expect those who you have been talking to regularly to acknowledge you and your news .

    There is nothing wrong with feeling sensitive .

    But the problem is that not all people share those feelings and just don't understand .

    If their friendship is important to you I would write them and just say that maybe they did not hear about your news and how are they ?

    That kind of thing

    How they reply back should tell you if you wish to remain in contact with them

  • Thanks Hun, good advice, guess it's disappointing as foolishly I really did think they got it, the 3 of us have been thru a lot together & ive been there for them when there's been cheating husbands, mothers battling cancer, miscarriages so I guess I expected more.

    I have since had a couple of texts asking if I'm home yet.but to acknowledgement of my news.been a bit childish and ignored til now! I'll blame it on the meds!!

    Think I'm gonna reply today & I am gonna mention that I'm a bit upset -put a draft reply in my message above to san1510!! I think it will fester otherwise.hopefully they will respond fairly as don't want more stress at this crucial time.im already feeling pretty strung out - not sure if it is the meds or if I would feel this anxious anyway.hence me replying to messages at 4.30 in the morning lol!!

    Xxx

  • Thanks for all your sympathetic response guys, I finally settled on just sending a text today after enquiries if I'm home yet as simply

    Home now.lots of running around to do while I've got andy to help. be in touch soon x

    Hopefully that sets a bit of distance for now.

    I will need to get my upset off my chest at some point but maybe better when I'm not strung out on meds xxx

  • You can always text me if you like - I understand what your going through.

    Even though we haven't met, I feel like I know you.

    The 2WW is a really hard time, my head was all over the place, so try if you can to take it easy and I wish you all the very best for the outcome you both so long for.

    Fingers crossed and let me know how it all goes x

  • Thanks Hun, that's very kind, feel like i know u 2 x

  • Hiya, can't get wifi fir long enough to pm u! Sorry! Tried to reply a few times. Read ur msg, will pm ASAP. Hope ur feeling a bit better and time is not dragging too much xx

  • Oh thanks Hun, I'm ok, thanks for caring.a friend taking me out to lunch tomorrow as she sensed I was going slightly insane.blood test Monday 😩Xxx

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