First post - scared and hopeful

It's my first time posting so, hello!

Basically after 11 months of TTC I went to the doctors after a 123 day cycle. After a number of blood tests the doctors found I'm not ovulating as I should. We're currently waiting for the results for my partners sample before we can be referred to the fertility specialists and I'm completely freaked and in two mind about it.

Part of me feels so hopeful that they are taking this seriously, I feel like throwing my hands up in celebration. "I told you there was something wrong! I knew it!"

Then it dawns on me...there's something wrong with me, my body is stopping me from getting everything I wanted.

My partner is one of those annoying people who's answer to everything is "it will be OK in the end", so I'm struggling to talk to him about it all.

I honestly feel so alone at the moment, I don't know what the next steps are, I don't know if it's normal to feel this anger and resentment towards myself, does it make me a bad person to be so jealous of my pregnant friends, am I holding my partner back by not being able to have his baby?

Sorry if this is a massive rant but I honestly just don't know where to turn to find out if this is normal or to get advice.

MsPond

6 Replies

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  • Everything you're feeling is completely normal. I think everyone on here has had those exact feelings at some point so don't beat yourself up too much. Seeing friends and family having babies is so heartbreaking and sometimes your first reaction is jealousy/heartache instead of happiness for them and that's ok, you're allowed to feel that way. I have 13 nieces and nephews and sometimes is so hard to be around them but that doesn't mean I don't love them. You have done nothing wrong and shouldn't feel anger/resentment about yourself. I feel horrible that I can't give my OH the family he's always wanted and sometimes think maybe he'd be better with someone who can, but you know what? He loves me no matter what and tells me that everyday, you just have to get through this together and cope the best way you can. Lean on each other for strength and never ever feel that it's your fault. We are so lucky that IVF is available to us so we can have our chance to be parents. So don't give up, you're on the right track and will both get through this journey you're about to start together. Stay positive x

  • All of your feelings are normal. You must allow yourself to feel them. Bottling it up will do no good. We all know how you feel here. You are in good company x

  • Welcome to the group everyone on here is lovely! By accepting help your doing something about it and taking control! If your not ovulating and your partners sample is ok then you will more than like be given clomid to induce ovulation. I've just had my bfp on my second month of clomid after 3 years of trying so it could happen for you too! Wishing you the best of luck xxx

  • Thank you for the replies!

    I'm glad it's normal to be feeling this way, I really wasn't sure. It's good to know there is a space like this where there are people who have felt the same and have gone through similar things. Sometimes I just feel like I need to talk about it instead of being told don't worry it will be okay. So thank you all, honestly.

    I'm eager to see what's next and thank you all for being so lovely.

    Congratulations Daxi! That's wonderful news!

    x

  • This post looks like it was written by me! You are so not the only one. I had four years of being passed around until a consultant found the issues that were put right during an operation this month. I always felt that my weight wasn't an issue (BMI has never been higher than 30) as other women who are bigger have had babies.

    My husband keeps saying all will be well. Have faith. Please don't fall apart.

    ' It's all going to be alright' is hard to accept. The alternative is to completely lose it when he holds a baby or when you hear an announcement from a friend.

    Please be kind to yourself. You are on the right path. Xx

  • I'm sorry it took so long to get sorted, really glad they were eventually sorted though!

    Thank you for the reply, I already feel better from the responses here, feel like I can breathe a bit easier knowing I'm not the only one and that it's normal to feel this way. x

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