Starting first icsi soon....minor meltdown in progress!

Hi everyone, I'm due to start my long protocol injections in around 4wks. This is our first round of ivf, we've been ttc for 4.5yrs as my dh has a very low count. I've been ok with the whole journey so far (relocations/relationship problems etc) with only the occasional wobble. It's taken so long to get to this stage but now it's all becoming real I feel like I'm in danger of a meltdown! I have to be strong in front of my partner as he blames himself and outwardly I'm ok but inwardly I'm freaking out....thinking what does it mean for our relationship if it doesn't work?? I'm 36 now. Has anyone else had thoughts like this? I know we're supposed to say we'll stay together no matter what, but you hear so many stories of relationships not making it...can anyone help put my mind at rest? I'm also worried about how this whole process will affect my work. I have quite a high powered position and we're currently in the middle of a huge global restructure where I'm actually being offered a promotion that would require a lot of foreign travel. It's what I've always wanted and my company knows that so a) I don't really want to turn it down & b) I don't know how I could anyway without arousing suspicion...is everything really as complicated as i think or am I just over thinking it all?

Sorry for ranting but I have no friends that would understand what I'm going on about.

Thanks my lovelies xx

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  • Firstly I wish you all the best for your ivf journey. In terms of work etc, this is of course us a very important phase in your life and you HAVE to DO what is right for you guys right now. Your gut feeling will never fail you. As I say, this POINT in your life. What is most Didi table and important to you, once you can answer that question, you'll know.

    I wish you well on whatever you decide. Just remember, it's what's important to you

  • Thank you! I'm swayed towards taking the job as there's only a 20% chance we'll get a bfp on each attempt anyway. It could take ages, if at all. So there's no point putting my life on hold. I did tell my current boss at work and he was surprisingly understanding. Something tells me my new boss won't be the same but I'll deal with that if/when it comes to it. For now I have mentioned I have some "domestic challenges" coming up which means I might not be as flexible on travel dates for a few months (that was on the advise of my current boss)...as for my husband, obviously I love him dearly. We've been on this road for nearly 5yrs and we've got this far. I can't help sometimes thinking I could "find someone else" and have a baby the conventional way. It's more a flitting thought when he's being moody about it all (and I'd never say it!), but I'm sure I'll stick it out as I always have done.

    Thanks for listening!

  • Hi Oakey80, I think you're doing the right thing with regard to the work, your current boss sounds like a wise men ;). It took us 4 cycles in total to get pregnant, and whilst there are some who fall pregnant at the first cycle, there are quite a few who need a few cycles. So, don't put everything on hold, live your life and do the things you enjoy, but at the same time try to manage the process, so that sometimes you can take the time out when you need it. At some stages of the process you will need at least one day off work (I usually needed a bit more), and if you manage your way around it, then you will be fine. After all your work brings you enjoyment, and this shouldn't stop!!

    With regard to your relationship, all I can say is you've already come a very long way together, and if your relationship is strong and you are committed to each other, you will find a way through it and also get through IVF. People always say IVF is so tough - and it's true, it's tough - but the hardest bit is not being able to have children and having this empty feeling month after month, not a few needles and side effects (that's my take anyway :)). Good luck for your cycle xx

  • Thank you for taking time to reply. It's nice to know I'm not going completely mad with my thoughts!

    My friends who have babies (but no career) think I'm being selfish by not putting my life on hold. They think I don't truly want kids...but I do. I just have to be realistic that it won't happen at a click of my fingers (like it did for them)...so bills still have to be paid and life has to go on!

  • Thanks Miri-p!

    I wasn't planning on telling my boss but my anxiety got the better of me at work one day (the week we had our funding confirmed) I burst into tears at my desk over the smallest thing, which is really not like me. I felt I owed him an explanation so I took a risk and just said. He said he really appreciated my honesty and then proceeded to say he'll support me with time off or working from home and make sure I'm not stressed during treatment. I was blown away by his understanding. The trouble is, due to the company restructure we've all been placed into consultation this week. My team is being split up so I can't continue to work for him. I'm not worried about redundancy as I think I'll do rather well out of the restructure in terms of promotion, but it's definitely not the time to be telling my new boss about things I might have coming up!

    I know all the advice is not to start new jobs whilst going through treatment but I don't have a choice and tbh I like being at work as I forget everything going on on the outside!

    You're so true about relationships and ivf...the years of trying before seeking help are the hardest. Once you know you'll need ivf you're able to accept things and get on with it. ..well most of the time anyway! xx

  • Hi

    The same here, my furst icsi in a few days. I wish u all the luck.

    The bad thing within us (women ) is age unfortunately so u can put ur life in hold for a few months and try to be strong for the man u love and for the dream of being a mum.

  • Oh thank you. Wishing you all the luck too! Tbh I'm terrified it won't work but I'll also be terrified if it does....whatever happens, it's gonna be life changing!

  • Hi okay80,

    It's so exciting that your able to get funding and start in this journey. I wish you all the luck in the world xx

    We have just started the long protocol for icis for DH has a low count. And I'm doing really well at work with lots of travel opportunities too ( currently in the states with work).

    My brother and his wife who had many rounds of IVF for my niece and nephew (6yrs old and 15 yrs old) gave some great advice which was - don't put everything on hold- go out make plans and take opportunities - you can always cancel or reschedule them if it's at a critical time.

    I almost cancelled this trip but our clinic was great and I'm sniffing rather than injections to make travel easier. Also this takes my mind if if things and stops me having to make excuses about why I can't do things- not drinking is hard but I have a few excuses- currently it's dry January and later it will be dental- on antibiotics!

    With your relationship- it's what your gut tells you.

    I had those same feelings thinking i could find someone else and they return occasionally when I'm feeling moody. But I realised I love him and yes I want to be a mummy so much but I want him to be the other parent. It wouldn't be the same in my own or with another (I'm 37 and we have been together for 4.5 yrs and married 1.5yrs)

    Also we had a frank but tactful and tearful and talk When we got approved, about what we wanted and if we would look at alternatives I.e. Adoption (yes if all fails after a few cycles) and I said that I thought about "swapping"him some times but I never would. DH was in tears saying he was scared of me breaking up with him for this issue and he was upset that he couldn't give me a baby. We decided to be positive together and try and make the other more positive. It's working for us so far!

    So maybe having a good talk about how your feeling and how his mood affects you.

    Sorry for the long reply - but I feel I can relate a little and I was in your position only a month ago

    Wishing you,health, luck and as they say ...baby dust xxx

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