Just wanted to see how many of you, if any, feel so alone in this IVF rollercoaster ride. We have a failed cycle, looking at a 2nd and I feel like I'm drifting away from my husband, he rarely talks about it unless I bring it up.
I'm so irritable at the moment too, little things are making me blow and to be honest, I just feel so numb with it all, like I just want to be left alone. It's put such a huge strain on us and I'm thinking is it because it's just not meant to be? People have told me some people just aren't compatible to have kids? I don't know what I want or what to do at the moment. I could quite honestly bugger off to the other side of the world. Don't know how much longer I can act like everything is ok. Can anyone else relate?
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Rollypops
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Hang in there Rolly. I can definitely relate. Sorry in advance if I get a bit dramatic.❤
The isolation and sad desparate times are familiar to us all here. You don't have to act like it's all ok. It's normal to feel angry and frustrated and helpless. Infertility is the hardest and cruellest thing. But the worst thing you can do is keep it to yourself, trust me I've been there. Sometimes a long talk, and yes maybe a disagreement, has to happen to move on. If you can't reach out to your husband maybe consider a councillor? You're not alone and we're all here for eachother. You will find strength you never knew you had because you're not doing it for yourself: it's for the unborn one who is loved and wanted and nothing can take that hope from you. Take care of yourself lovely and hold on tight: it's a rollercoaster just like you said xx
Thanks for your reply Rach82. At times I feel ok and then for no reason, just appear to go downhill wondering all the what if this doesn't work. It has changed me so much too. Bet we all feel like this. I need to try the counselling to be honest, but when I think about booking in a session, I feel I'm ok so don't end up doing it. Just so up and down.
I agree Daisy1245, and I think because you know what it's like to fail, I'm definitely more wary this time round. How are you both getting on with it all?
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Not sure I can add much more to what Rach has said but you very definitely aren’t alone - you are surrounded by other women who also feel very alone. Ivf has been THE biggest strain on our relationship and I can’t tell you how many times I have cried alone due to infertility whilst he just gets on with life.
The first failed cycle is in many ways the worst because you go into it with so much optimism and hope and it’s all crashing down with no real tangible why. But our bodies learn each round and one failed round doesn’t mean your second won’t succeed. I found after my first failure focusing on starting on my second round was what kept me going
Hi, i had Molar pregnancy with chemotherapy.. have to wait till feb for transferring.. had two cycles and don’t have any embryo that could be biopsied yet! Had 3 this cycle but nothing could be biopsied, I feel so lonely but wish yours goes well❤️
Sorry to hear about your sad news. I honestly never realised how many people go through this. I hope all goes well with your transfer! Did you have 2 back to back cycles? X
I had back to back cycles... just waste of money. No normal embryo achieved yet! Embryologist told me you can take a risk and put back untested ones. Maybe I try another cycle around October or November
I have issues with age. I am going to try again ... I suspect the issue with embryo is because of my chemo. I read somewhere I should have waited 180 days.. not sure as it wasn’t academic research but my oncologist also suggested that I wait 6 months but ivf dr said 3 months is ok. I hope that was the reason 🙏
It is tough. I can relate. I sway from thinking about cracking on with a 2nd ivf cycle to taking a year out from work or going travelling (with husband). It is hard to know what to do. Time just isn’t on my side... not easy.
A friend said to me that she heard the best way to get pregnant is to keep doing it every 2-3 nights for a month. Any of us in this position knows it really isn’t that easy!!! 🙈
I know me too. At first I didn't want to do it again, but don't think I could live my life wondering what if. Plus hubs wanted to try again. You do what feels right, it's just so cruel. How many rounds have you had?
Gosh if only it was that easy hey! We only know the struggles! Xx
I have just had one round (so far). Feel fortunate that it took place in Feb/March, just before the clinics all ended up closing. It was my only NHS round as I am now nearing 41. So I will have to go private for round 2. My husband is keen to go ahead with it and is happy for donor eggs. Personally, I feel like I am not ready for that.
You are right, thinking 2, 5 or 10 years ahead... would we regret it more that we didn’t at least give it another try? Quite possibly. However, I soooo get the feeling about getting away from it all too.
My NHS nurse said that it can be a good idea to put a time limit on IVF, in other words, ‘if no success by ??? then stop or move to donor eggs.’
It is tough. I think we can all feel so down some days. However, I do my best to think of all the things that I am thankful for that I can do freely at the moment due to not being pregnant or having a child... running, reading a book, taking naps etc. At times, it helps to take the edge off the rubbish situation!
Whatever you decide, I hope things work out for you. x x
We had 1 round too, in June, which was NHS, and now paying private for 2nd cycle. It's strange how they work out the funding per area. Like postcode lottery I guess.
I really want to say, don't give up! But actually the right thing to say is you both do what is right for you guys. No one can make that decision for you. If you decide to go ahead, I hope it works out for you! I fluctuate between feeling like I can't go through it all again for it to fail, but the fight to keep going is stronger.
We are starting again this cycle, hope we get better quality embryos this time.
You are definitely not alone. The hardest part of this journey is emotional, our bodies are pretty resilient and will deal with whatever is thrown at it, however, our minds need some major TLC. I found counselling really useful. You need to talk to your other half, it’s really important he knows how you feel and he understands emotionally how hard and lonely this journey feels. There is an army of IVF warriors on here, all ready to support you so continue to reach out every day if you need too. Please feel free to private message me any time if you don’t feel like writing an open post. Check out the event pages on the fertility network too fertilitynetworkuk.org/get-...
Thank-you jengi, that means a lot. You're totally right, honestly never knew what we were getting into. No one really tells you do they until you're already in it 🙈
I need to try counselling, so many people have said it's brill. Do you do it alone or with your other half?
We do talk about it, but just feel at times that he doesn't understand, and that just makes me feel alone sometimes.
Thanks for the info! I'll have a look.
Where are you in the journey? How have you found it all?
I don’t think anything can prepare you for the IVF rollercoaster. I do counselling alone. It’s my time to say out loud everything that’s rattling around in my head no matter how stupid, I just say it! It’s really hard for men to understand the emotion we go through. It’s a tough journey for them too. Just keep talking to each other. This journey has had a profound impact on my mental health, I have experienced anxiety for the first time ever. I’m definitely a different person compared to when I started, I feel so vulnerable sometimes. I’m still doing counselling. I have a session this afternoon online. I’m 7 weeks pregnant with twins, sadly the worry and anxiety didn’t ease once I found out I was pregnant, only got worse. I thought once I had that positive result everything would be better and my world would rock with happiness (& not with fear of all the things that can go wrong). It’s so important to look after our emotional selves. Xx
I can totally relate to everything you have said. Anxiety going crazy and I feel I have changed, not as laid back as I used to be I'd say. No wonder we have changed really is it, I bet so many people do.
I'm going to get an appointment for counselling, I think it would help with this cycle. Do you think it's helped you mentally the counselling?
Wow, that is amazing, a huge congratulations!! I hope you have a healthy, easy 9 months and your anxiety gets better. How many round did you have before you got pregnant? Xx
The counselling has really helped me accept my thoughts and realise it’s ok to feel this way. I had 2 egg collections with only one embryo transfer with my own eggs and many failed attempts of even getting off the start line so we moved to donors eggs and this is my 2nd transfer. Xx
Congrats again, it sounds like a whirlwind of a ride you've had! Have you had a scan yet? I bet it is magical seeing them?!
I wonder whether after an increase in our IVF meds for this round (meriofert) will increase the quality of my eggs, or whether it is just how I am 🤷🏻♀️ and will never get to that point. After the 5 eggs collected last time, only 3 mature and 1 blastocyst, which was poor quality. The unknown is enough to mess with your head xx
Hello, this is my first post on here. I also feel alone and isolated. I have been seeing (well virtually seeing) a counsellor and it had made a really big difference but I do also think it's important to find the right counsellor so don't feel guilty about trying a few. I sometimes wish there was an easy way to find people in my local area that I can go for a coffee with to talk about fertility stuff. Though I have people I can talk to, my biggest frustration is that they don't understand how hard it is emotionally and physically. People only ever hear the success stories so they think it's an easy process that's guaranteed to get you a baby. It would be nice to meet someone in person that really truly understands. Definitely find a counsellor you are happy with - it makes a big difference. Mine knew nothing about ivf and actually it was really helpful for me to be able to explain everything to her. It helped me clear my head and mull things over out loud. And I would always be more than willing to talk to someone via video, phone or in person if you're nearby. I've learnt so much from other people in the same situation, things the clinics don't necessarily think to tell you. Keep talking x
Hello @Eli_phant, can totally relate to that too. As much as I talk to my family and friends, I know they mean well, I just get a bit bogged down with their "helpful comments" things like, "you're only young yet", "there's always adoption", "just relax and it will happen", "it's not natural really is it", " do you know, some people aren't compatible to have children and have children fine with other people", "are you having sex enough?"
I mean how is any of that helpful and supposed to make you feel at ease!? 🙈 I get the most comfort from talking on forums tbh and to people that have been through it. I'd love the have an IVF buddy too, someone who knows exactly what you are going through and how it all feels, the good and the bad.
What stage are you up to with your treatment? I wish you all the best xx
Our first cycle of ICSI was unsuccessful (beginning of July) and I'm now waiting for my next period to be able to have a FET. The waiting is painful, I just want to get the embryos back in and actually have a chance of being pregnant this month but the clinic are making us wait.
It's so hard - none of those things are helpful things to say - it makes me wonder what goes through some people's minds when they say some of these things. Especially as people going through IVF clearly really want to have a baby. It's not something you go into lightly.
My sister is the worst at it and she's pregnant which makes it ten times harder. I've stopped calling her now but the rest of my family think it's because she's pregnant when actually it's got more to do with her saying the wrong and totally insensitive things.
I also don't go out much now, especially not to see people who don't know we're having IVF because I'm so scared they'll ask about babies and I don't want to get upset or snap and say something out of anger or frustration. So hard!!!
I'm going to try chatting on forums more - you're right that it's the best place to find understanding.
Where are you up to on treatment now? I'd be happy to be your IVF buddy if you like? We could chat via Whatsapp or something similar, especially if we're at a similar stage of treatment? xx
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