losing hope and think its time to call it a day

hi everyone just reaching out for some support.....we have been trying for 2 and a half years and its finally taking a toll on our relationship and my mental health. After my breakdown 2 days ago my husband and I have decided to call it a day and just try enjoy our lives as much as we can. My cycles seem irregular to me ranging from 25-29 days however the drs are saying that its pretty good so i am confused. As each month passes i begin to feel less of a woman and I have got to the point where I hate myself and my body. I also feel like a failure of a wife as my husband wants a child as bad as me too. I think its my fault because of my womb and he thinks its his with his motility we're just speculating. We are currently going through tests a second time with another hospital and it won't be until June until we finally see a consultant with a plan of what our options are. We have tried everything drs have suggested and take all sorts of vitamins everyday. I just feel like im going round in circles one minute feeling hopeful i get my period then I feel negative. I have just lost hope and belief that it will ever happen for us now. How does every one else keep hopeful and strong because its definitely something I need to learn? Thank you!

16 Replies

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  • Hi there sorry to hear you're in a state! Going through a fertility journey is not easy, it stresses your mind and body but somehow we just pick ourselves up and carry on, we're the stronger sex after all that's why men don't have babies (no offence to men here)! I would advise you stay and see your consultant but you know what's best of course but you might get an answer somewhere please think everything through and make sure you have no regrets if you choose to stop now. There are people who stop stressing about a baby and then they fall pregnant so have faith and always come here if you need a word or two, all he best whatever you decide x

  • Thank you! It does take me a good few days to pick myself up then I'm ok and just get on with it. I think what I mean is I just want to stop the stress of it all but thats probably a bit impossible. It does help when I have support from people on here and makes me see clearer at my situation x

  • Hi Ramsey,

    What you're feeling and going through is completely normal, it's such a rollercoaster of emotions.

    I try to remain as positive as I can and like you my period comes and I feel so disheartened, I give myself a couple of days to deal with my emotions and then pick myself back up and start again, it's hard to stay strong but hopefully with the support of your other half you can do it. That's good that your seeing another doctor and your appointment will be here before you know it. Just use this time to prepare yourself, get healthy and relax, don't stress, and most importantly don't give up just yet. X

  • Thank you, its good to hear that it is normal and Im not just being crazy! x

  • Hi,

    I'm obviously no expert with cycles and things but yours seem in the 'OK' rage, but maybe there is something else going on?

    Please don't write yourself off! You're not a failure as a wife or as a hopeful mummy.

    You have an appointment and hopefully then they can start to assess what the problem is - have either if you been tested for anything yet fertility wise?

    If not, try to take comfort in the fact that this is going in the right direction to find out whats happening, and there's every chance a successful solution will be found for you.

    Never give up xx

  • Hi LiLi19, I have had blood tests which shows im ovulating fine, i paid to have a hycosy done in January which showed both tubes were clear but I had a septated didelphic uterus basically a septum dividing in the middle. I was told after this procedure that I would be super fertile which I wish he never said really coz it got my hopes up. My husbands sperm is ok apart from his motility. I am waiting for another scan and another blood test in May and my husband is to do another sperm test in May too. This is the second year of doing the same tests but at another hospital. I think I'm just apprehensive about the next step and what they will say x x

  • Sounds totally understandable hun...you've been through a lot already!

    Hopefully the new hospital may be a bit quicker with completing tests and a bit more thorough...and also give you some further options after all of this, as it seems the other hospital wasn't very helpful :-(

    Everything crossed for you and your appointment in May xx

  • Aww so sorry you're feeling so bad it is a really hard journey. Sounds like you need to find out what's going on before you can decide on your next steps. Don't give up. Find other things to focus on to take your mind off treatment. Good luck xx

  • Hello.

    This journey of fertility can add strain onto a relationship . It is a frustrating journey . You will have days where everything seems to not work out and other days of feeling positive. This is all normal for the fertility journey . If ever you need a chat healthunlocked is a fantastic forum to come to xx

  • Thank you everyone for your kind messages it has made me feel alot more optimistic and its normal with what I am feeling. I will keep you all posted xx

  • Don't give up yet. I was told I have a regular cycle and mine range from 28-34 days with an average of 32. They told me that most women do not bleed exactly every 28 days. They class regular on an average. Get your tests done and go from there. Don't make any rash decisions. Perhaps consider some counselling or couples therapy if its negatively impacting on your relationship x

  • Hey I think everyone here can sympathise with the ups and downs you feel. I had a really good 4 days where I was enjoying life and thinking to myself it'll happen one day, then out of the blue today I've had a really negative day and feel like it'll never happen. For no reason at all, I guess it's just hormones. I know it'll pass though, it always does and we always pick ourselves up. Try to keep busy, and make plans to do fun stuff. The wait is infuriating I know I'm 2 years in and still not had our meeting to go through results so feel up in the air a bit. I also know it's hard on relationships we're a lot more emotional, men tend to hide it better and just get on with things, that doesn't mean they don't care though! Hope you feel better soon xxxx

  • Sorry to hear your having a bad day but it won't last forever is girls are pretty good at picking ourselves up again. I agree it must be hormones I find speaking to people on here who are going through the same or similar situation always helps it doesn't make it so lonely. My mood has been everywhere the past few days and now I feel motivated ready for this month so I'm off to get my usual supply of ovulation tests and chocolate. I think sometimes I'm too hard on myself. Goodluck with your journey I hope u get answers soon. X x

  • Hi Ramsay,

    What you are feeling is normal but you have to be hopeful. You can not give up. Myself, I have been trying for over 8years, in this journey I got alot of other infertility issues as a result of procedures which has also contributed to the long wait.... I was almost giving up and I almost lost hope and I was tired of trying but then I heard and read other people's stories and realised mine is nothing compared to there's and they eventually got pregnant. This has helped me lift myself from the state of dejection to being hopeful again and I strongly believe it will happen soon.

    @your period cycle, your doctor is very correct...... It's usually between 25 - 35 days. The change in cycle is usually as a result of stress,the food we eat,the environment but trust me it's still doesn't mean it's not normal or not good enough for you to get pregnant.

    I suggest you and your partner gets tested and know what the issue is so that you can take it from there. If medically there are no issues, then you have to trust in God and hold on to Him for His time. He makes things beautiful at His own time and babies are God's gift.

    I pray to God Almighty to be your strength during this period and also to give you this gift speedily.

    Remain Blessed!

  • Thank you for your kind response. You are right when I read other peoples stories it does help me put my own into perspective and gives me hope. I wish you well on your journey and hopefully it will happen soon xx

  • It is a draining journey & it does take its toll! Hopefully the good news stories on here will help u stay positive,it works for me! Big hugs xxx

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