Anyone else in full time work and finding it hard to focus!?

[Faith27]

I'm constantly searching for answers in my mind. Trying to figure out some logical, reasonable explanation about why at the age of 26 it's been taking us so long to conceive!

I know there are others out there that have been waiting longer but I just cannot get my head around how difficult it is for some people compared to others? We're at 2 years and whilst I'm feeling hopeful for this year ahead - I'm determined that it's our year to try new things, with the prospect of IVF and the upcoming laparoscopy. I seem to be doing OK in work until something - whether it be a colleague pregnancy (we have had 2 in the last year), or something else reminds me of our situation and then I just feel an overwhelming sense of impatience, worry and anxiety.

By gosh this journey is for tough cookies !!

[CatDV]

Hi Faith27

I’m 27, trying since 24.

My husband and I were diagnosed with unexplained infertility.

In each step of this journey I spend hours in google trying to find answers. I have none.

This is really hard, but a lot of ladies in here get to take home their babies.

I try to concentrate on that.

Hopefully one day it will be me.

And hopefully one day it will be you.

Xxxx

[Faith27 in reply to CatDV]

Hi CatDV,

I'm 27 in March and we too have been trying since we were 24.

Research and reading I seem to turn to a lot but all it does in the end is make me more impatient and unsettled.

Your positive way of looking at things is lovely to read, thank you hun. I really hope 2019 is our year too xxx

[Doglover5]

Hi I totally relate. Sometimes I feel like I’m just dragging my way through each day at work and it’s a struggle. It’s just so hard. I find my hormones play a part too and there are some times in the month when I cope much better than others. I’ve accepted we need IVF now and that’s made it easier.

I hope 2019 is your year

Xx

[Faith27 in reply to Doglover5]

Thanks hun. You're right, it's a little easier to accept when you have things in place! Such a challenge though. Not sure if it's because I work on a support line so having to support other people each day is exhausting when your just trying to keep your head straight and screwed on yourself. It'll be great in the long run because I know my employers will be very supportive but so difficult emotionally draining at times! X I hope it's your year too xx

[Itsalongjourney26]

My husband and I's story is very similar to yours!!! Also 26 and trying for two years. I'm so glad to not be the only one who feels that way.

It's totally normal your feelings! Also, two colleagues who got married quite a while after me and my husband fell pregnant immediately. It's still hard to imagine they have a baby almost six months and we've been trying since before they were married!!! 🙈

And then I feel guilty for thinking that way... It's such a vicious cycle!

Hang in there - I have no doubt we will make it. And as my wonderful dad said: you will appreciate it and be a better parent for it. That keeps me focused on the bad days and I hope it will help you too. Xx

[Faith27 in reply to Itsalongjourney26]

Ah bless you too. It's definitely a massive test on all accounts - relationship, emotions, mental wellbeing, strength on all levels! It's insane.

I do believe that if and when we get there, however we get there, we will definitely appreciate it a lot more. These few years have made me feel more ready than I possibly ever could have felt previously so that's one positive.

The second is that this forum, is so supportive and I really do depend on it to talk to people going through similar!

No one in my family or friendship circle has ever been on this journey so I think I'm still in disbelief to be honest!

Xxx

[Itsalongjourney26 in reply to Faith27]

Aw I totally get that... This forum is great for getting support from like minded people who don't judge. Since I joined it's definitely helped with the feelings of isolation.

And again I'm the first in my family to go through this too! My granny fell pregnant while she had the coil in for goodness sake!!!

The rants on here will always help you (even slightly) with your sanity! 😆

[Faith27 in reply to Itsalongjourney26]

Hahaha your granny omg that made me laugh!! Some people are just so bloody fertile lol.

It's true though, being able to get stuff off your chest does a world of good when you need it!

I've promised to be open with people as soon as we begin treatment because I'm fed up of there being little awareness and so much stigma attached to it which can make you feel embarrassed.

We will see.. I may change my mind before then lol xx

[Itsalongjourney26 in reply to Faith27]

Nah go for it... People ask me and my husband all the time and make wee digs about starting a family. People mean well but we let them know because, according to my husband, if they're willing to ask a personal question, then they can expect a personal answer!

Too many suffer quietly and yuoure right... There is a stigma around it!

[Faith27 in reply to Itsalongjourney26]

Good for you! I think I'd rather it all be out in the open. Myself and partner have been together 10 years this year. We were making plans to get married but whilst they were a nice distraction, we also realised that we may have been putting too much pressure on ourselves to go through potential treatment and plan a huge wedding. We're trying to be sensible. As I've never really been one for wanting children however, I think my story will be a huge shock for most close to us so another reason that I want to be upfront and honest.

Until we begin treatment though, I don't want to put even more pressure on myself because still awaiting investigations for endo.. The joys!

I hope you get some good news shortly xxx

[Justus1]

All the time it takes over your life and career

[Faith27 in reply to Justus1]

So so hard isn't it. To keep a focus on day to day life when you want something so desperately xx

[CC2018]

I was 26 when we started trying and became worried after a year as I have lupus and suspected it was causing an issue. After a year of scans, tests and investigative surgery they concluded we were unexplained and put us forward for 1 funded cycle and after 6 months we started- had one good blast overall so none to freeze and I am currently over 30 weeks pregnant with our daughter who is due 3 months before I'm 30. Never did I think it would take us this long and when we started ttc I'd naively thought I'd be preparing for baby no 2 right now. Whilst we were trying 8 other babies were born to family and friends- some planned and some unplanned and I could never get over the unfairness of it all- especially the lifestyles some of them led to get pregnant without even trying. The doctors could only find a couple of minor things with us but assured us we should still be able ttc naturally. Anyway, I'm grateful for where we are now but the journey does take it's toll. After reading it seems that most people with unexplained who conceive after 1 round of ivf are more likely to conceive naturally later on so there is some hope for us if we were to be lucky enough to have more. I hope you ladies get your babies xx

[CC2018 in reply to CC2018]

I should add that whilst all of this has been going on I've been working full time as an English secondary school children and it was very hard to keep motivated and positive in such as stressful job.

[Faith27 in reply to CC2018]

Thank you for sharing! It's lovely to read a positive experience from someone that has also been through a tough time in this journey. I'm so pleased that things have worked out for you and fingers crossed our time will come too! Congratulations and all the best for the future xxx

[CC2018 in reply to Faith27]

Thank you. Hope your treatment goes well x

[hifer]

Yes! For about a year at work now (we’ve been trying for longer). My last appraisal really wasn’t very good because I’ve taken my eye off the ball. I know I have but am really struggling to focus. It’s so so tough. I just wish the days away hoping that at the end of the month we might be lucky. You’re not alone x

[Faith27 in reply to hifer]

As bless you. I can really relate. Luckily It's not had a visible impact on the effect it has and is having on my mindset and work focus but I can feel that I'm not as carefree and relaxed with day to day work anymore! It's such a juggle. How on earth people do this for years and years I'll never know lol xx

[Core]

Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel, I’m 29 but have been trying for over 3 years with no explanation as to why it’s not happened. I spend way too much time Googling but am trying to be patient and positive and believe it will happen for us all xx

[Faith27 in reply to Core]

Hiya, thanks for commenting. I'm spending hours and hours googling and though it's not really giving me much hope or useful information, I just can't help myself! I'm not sure if it's because by googling, you feel like you're doing something productive when your minds in overdrive .. thus easier to concentrate on finding info than feeling shitty? God knows. I'm sorry to read it's not happened yet for you neither. Patience is not my biggest strength lol xx

[akpenev3]

Hi Faith, yep you are right there, it is a journey for touch cookies which makes you one. Have faith, plenty of it and soon you will have the right ammunition to face and conquer it. I tell myself everyday after nearly 10 years of trying that no condition is permanent and I know that sooner, God will make a way (as I believe in God/Yaweh). That's how I cope. Just be strong and keep smiling, you'll soon get over it. Yep, I have seen many pregnancies and babies growing too.. and the friends i've lost along the line. You are young, be strong and stay positive. Good luck & God bless.

[Faith27 in reply to akpenev3]

Thank you for such kind words and a real positive way of thinking. It's very much appreciated. Hope you also get your wish some day. We are definitely tough cookies in this group! Xx

[akpenev3 in reply to Faith27]

you are welcome

[jengi]

Hi Faith, I am increasingly struggling at work. I find it so hard. So many of the girls I’m surrounded by are pregnant or mums. I just tune out their chatter but it makes me look like a hard nosed b***h. I put on headphones and listen to classical music, this helps. I never thought I’d be someone listening to classical music but i really find it calms me. I also just have classic fm on in the car these days too!

In Oct I asked to consolidate my hours and do my contacted hours in 4 days. So I work longer hours 4 days a week & have Monday’s off. This has helped me so much. I feel much better for it. Just having the extra day really makes a difference. I was so nervous about asking. If they said No then I’d lost nothing but a yes meant gaining an extra free day. I feel so grateful they agreed. I’m lucky I only have a 3 mile commute to work so doing a longer day works fine. I can still be home by 5:45/6pm.

I hope you find a way to better cope at work! It’s important to put ourselves first as this journey isn’t the kindest on us. 😘 Xx

[Faith27 in reply to jengi]

Hi Jengi, thanks for sharing and your comment. It's so hard when pregnancy stories arise.. I've constantly been having engaging baby talk since god knows when! It does take it's toll. It sounds as though you have been making positive steps to do what's best for you and thankfully you have a flexible employer! That's fab. I've never really been a fan of classical however I do secretly like a bit of Andrea Bocceli- or however you spell his name!! Perhaps I'll treat myself to this guilty pleasure when I next go shopping and pick up a CD for the car. Thanks for your tip! I'm happy to try anything xx best of luck lovely xx

[tiger-cub]

Hi my dear I’ve been in ur shoes . I am into finance and was in stress almost everyday . So I chose to give up . It’s been 2 years since I quit job and will only go back once I’ve sorted this side of life . Obviously I don’t know what line you are . But if u have a option of going part time then go for part time . As working part time does give you some distraction which is good . In d end don’t feel guilty and Do whatever ur inner self says . No one else can understand our lives than us .

[Faith27 in reply to tiger-cub]

Thank you ! So glad that you were able to put yourself first and make thay decision which appears to be a huge hell to you. It's certainly something I'll consider as we go through treatment if I need to. Thank you xx