2 years of TTC and it's hard to function day to day without thinking about it

We've been TTC for almost 2 years and my stress levels because of it are bad at the moment. My husband hadn't had any tests yet and we've decided to have more sex first every 2-3 days instead of day 8-15 of my cycle but now I feel it's like the elephant in the room and if we don't one night or the next I feel like we are failing 😔 but I'm not sure how to be more relaxed about it and it's having a real effect on our relationship. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks

[Afrohair]

I’m the same especially around ovulation if we miss a day I get upset.could your partner get tests done privately I wonder if things would move faster then?though in the current crisis I’m not sure .sorry you are having a hard time try to relax and enjoy life as it is as much as you can and enjoy couple time go for walks and things x

[Hidden in reply to Afrohair]

We have some home tests for him but a local clinic is now open but we have decided to try more first x

[Positive2022]

I'm so sorry you have having a difficult time. Back in 2017 my husband and I were in the same position. My stress levels were very high and I felt like I had hit rock bottom after two years of trying. And that was without going though a pandemic so I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. At this time, I was very unsupported by my GP (now under a different surgery) and I am naturally very private so we were dealing with things pretty much on our own. The one thing that did really help was talking to close family and we ended up seeing a counsellor. This was very helpful for both of us. I know accessing support is very difficult at the moment but i believe there are some counselling services doing over the phone or video consultations and alot of fertility clinics have counselling services available. I hope this has been helpful advice. PM me if you would like to chat things over xxx

[Hidden in reply to Positive2022]

Thank you I'm naturally anxious and overthink and do have a counsellor I see to manage that so I might reconnect with her. X

[Positive2022 in reply to Hidden]

Hope all goes well xxx

[Hidden]

Hey, sorry you are feeling so stressed about it all.

I dont think there is an answer to relax you, except perhaps refer both of you for tests to start the investigation work - if nothing else you will feel like you are doing something positive. Have you tried ovulation testing? Thats also another good thing to a) check you are ovulating and b) give you an idea about when you ovulate as it could be later in the cycle.

if its any consolation a lot of us on here feel very much the same way. I test for ovulation and try every other day throughout my fertile period. I can't tell you how upset or angry I get if my OH is too tired/has a headache/doesnt manage to finish etc... or the month I had thrush and couldnt try at all I was so down I could hardly get out of bed. its been a cause of arguments as my OH makes a big thing about knowing 'when prime time' is and 'throwing everything at it' and then there is always a 'lets do it tomorrow instead' comment and I could scream! I feel so upset and let down.

I dont think there is a solution aside from trying to feel like you are in control, and perhaps ovulation testing and getting tests done will at least help you feel like you are doing something proactive xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm doing the LH testing and ovulation tests now in the last 6-12 months too those digital ones so know I'm ovulating but I'm 36 so might not be an egg there everytime I suppose. It's just a waiting game but after a month or 2 of more regular sex we will review the situation. My husband smokes and I'm overweight so I'm trying to lose weight too with all those going on all I want to do is eat x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I would definitely do as Daisy suggested. After 2 years your dr will be able to start testing. At least you are then doing something different and you may find that there is a simple answer for what has happened so far. It can take a while to get referred for ivf so definitely start with tests.

I too was so stressed and ended up having to take time out as in the end I could not cope with repeated failure to conceive (even after 4 rounds of ivf) and hold my life together. I was fixated on everything. After taking the time out, de stressing and doing mindfulness, kineseology and acupuncture I finally managed to get pregnant and gave birth last year to my wee baby boy. I hope you don't have to go on the same journey as me (it was our 6th ivf try which was successful and after 7 years of trying in total). But getting some tests done may reveal something simple. Xx

[LCharlton]

After 2 years, I really think you need to get both of you tested by the GP asap. When we did, it turned out my husband's sperm count was really low and we needed IVF with ICSI to have a chance. I needed to lose weight for us to qualify for NHS IVF, but there wasn't enough time before my 40th birthday when I would be too old to qualify for NHS IVF in our area (and the ages vary by area) - the whole thing was a huge mess that could have been avoided by checking things out six months sooner. It's better to know what's going on so you know where you are and can plan - best case, they don't find anything wrong and you can just keep trying, but at least you know. The home tests don't give you an accurate enough result, especially for men.

Wishing you lots of luck xx

[Kiedy84]

Hi Alirose, it's very difficult to feel more relaxed about this, I would also echo comments above that it's probably best to start tests sooner rather than later because there may be an obvious reason as to why you struggle to conceive. Knowing that we had tests and referral on a way helped me massively as I felt we covered all angles xxx keeping fingers crossed for you hun x

[mojitoito]

Hang in there! I think you're doing a good thing by reaching out on this forum. We've been TTC for about 2 years also, and until recently, I was isolating myself and not talking about it with anyone because of the stigma infertility has. I finally decided to be a lot more proactive about reaching out for a supportive community. I know its even harder now with the delays and waiting period that COVID-19 has caused. I would spend this waiting time focusing on your health and wellbeing. Take supplements - its takes 3 months of daily intake before any effect, adapt a healthy diet, exercise... Best of luck!

[Sbeaniex]

Hello x

Not so much advice, however just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss. Back in July 2018 I also had a MMC. It was strange, one morning I woke up and just knew something wasn’t right. I just knew it. Anyway, fast forward 2 years nearly and we still have not yet conceived. I couldn’t believe after my 2nd cycle we fell so quickly. And actually back then I took TTV for granted. I thought it was easy to just say ‘yes, let’s have a baby’. How naive I was! I’m 29 now and I feel as if it’s just never going to happen. I have had some tests and all seems okay down there. But I think now I’m going to start the process with my GP to see if we could get some extra help. I completely get your pain. And it’s just nice to speak to people I’m the same boat. My close friends and sister don’t really get me because they’ve all had children easily. I’m so with you on this one. And I hope this is a year for lots of baby dust! 2 years since my MMC surely I’m due a break?! Good luck xxx

[Minnie92]

Hello, I was in your position 3 years ago, every month was filled with disappointment and a lot of tears. I would say that after 2 years of trying with no success it could be useful going to your GP and getting the basic tests done to see if either you or your partner have any fertility issues (blood test and sperm analysis). It’s a hard step to take but good to get things moving along whilst also trying naturally! Some of the tests they carry out have long waiting lists, knowing when our next appointment was massively helped me mentally and made me focus on the end goal x

[Lavendartea]

Meditation and mindfulness has really helped me, just gradually trying to train my brain to be more in the moment and have a bit of calm!

[Hidden]

My story is just like yours! We have been trying for 2 years! And I started to get run down thinking there was something wrong with me! My advice is to make a appointment with your gp and she will get some bloods done for you to see if your ovulating and your hubby a sperm test! If there’s nothing wrong you can relax more but if there is you can get it diagnosed! It will make you feel much better xxx you are not alone I have felt the same way as you and I no it gets you very down but try to look up and be positive it will work out in the end xxxx lots of love xxx

[ammieg123]

I'm sorry that you are finding things hard. I am also 2 years TCC and in the middle of fertility treatment. I can't really offer any advice directly, I also find a lot of pressure in the ovulation window and things have become very unromantic and what should be loving has become feeling like a chore. I have recently started meditating. I have downloaded an app and do it 2x a day morning and evening. I has really, really helped me. I can't even say how exactly, just feel slightly calmer during the day and more able to cope with the TCC situation. I would recommend you give it a go, it might help.

[Hidden in reply to ammieg123]

Thank you for your kind words, what app is it?

[ammieg123]

It's called One giant mind, it's very good I would recommend it. I think it's Australian.