The end of our Miracle

Some of you might have read a previous post from me between Christmas and New Year when we had our first ever BFP and had the privilege to see a foetal pole heart beat.

We have had years of trying for a child, 6 failed ICSI IVF rounds with a loss of 14 embryos and we decided to try the donor embryo route. We got our first BFP on 15Dec and our early scan looked fantastic on 28Dec.

The weekend before I noticed a tiny bit of pinkness in the evening so I decided to call the early pregnancy unit for a chat/advice and they invited me for a scan. So off we went not realising that are whole lives were about to change.

They told us that our little one had failed to thrive.

It has been a really tough week as the clinic in Spain insisted I carried on with all medication and have a repeat scan and bloods today.

So I am just back from living the nightmare again. Total confirmation that we have no heart beat and have lost our little one.

I am booked in for surgery this week so at least physically I can move forward.

We are of course devastated and what we thought was an amazing start to 2017 really is not.

The good news is that we did get a BFP and we did get implantation and we do have some frozen embryos if we want to go down that route. It was a miracle and a privilege to get as far as we did.

I just wanted to wish everyone all the best on their journeys.

If anyone has any advice on how they managed to cope with miscarriage and if any of you went on for a successful pregnancy I would be interested to hear your experiences and fears.

Trying very hard to remain positive.

30 Replies

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  • so so immensely sorry to hear this my love. Have pm'd u. Big hugs xxx

  • Hi DC13. Well, what do I say? I am so sorry to read this, after hanging by a thread, your little one sadly failed to thrive. The only positive hope that I can give you, is that many of my ladies do carry on to succeed and go on to have successful pregnancies after such a tragedy, which is comforting. I shall be thinking of you with much love as you have your surgery this week. Diane

  • I am so so sorry to read this. Nobody should go through what you have. I'm afraid I have no words but am sending you love and support to help you through this terrible time xx

  • So sorry to hear this my dear. It's soul destroying and no words can help I know but all thoughts with you right now. You're right that it's good you got the implantation though and there are many boosting drugs a clinic can give to help after something like this (we took some this cycle to increase blood flow and stop clots and things like that) so hopefully next time will be it xxx

  • I was on extra progesterone injectable and oral as well as heparin injections, steroids, high dose folic acid, aspirin etc. It felt that we threw everything at it. :-(

  • Oh no I am so sorry. Whatever you decide to do all thoughts with you right now it's devastating I know xxx

  • I am so sorry to read this, thinking of you xxxxx

  • I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and wishing you all the very best for the future. Xx

  • So to hear this, thinking of you xxx

  • I'm so so sorry hun xx

  • Thinking of you x

  • hi, dear

    sorry to hear that

    I also have failed 4 cycles of ivf and now feel empty. no love and support. we were adviced to change clinic because we just wasted our time and money in one. so now we are confused and really don't know what to do. I'm new here so I feel like need someones help. All I have is my husband and his love but I want to find friends here. My doc told me only positive thoughts and tons of rest.

    How could you cope with all this? I need to know your formula haha xxx

  • So very sorry to read this Hun, how terribly cruel life can be. I must say your attitude is so admirable, in that you feel privileged to have got that far. You sound like a very strong person and I'm sure that will get you through this dreadful time. I haven't had a miscarriage myself but I have friends who have, one after IVF and one after iui and they now both have beautiful children who came after those devastating losses and the pregnancies were uncomplicated.

    I hope surgery goes well this week and the year does get a lot better than it's started. Big hugs xxx

  • My heart goes out to you both! I was so saddened to read this, as you have been through so much already! Your post had me almost in tears, it was so heartfelt and yet despite everything, so stoic.

    Wishing you a safe surgery and quick recovery. All the very best for whatever steps you decide to take next. xx

  • So sorry to hear this, look after yourselfs . Sending u huge hugs xx

  • This post moved me to tears. I'm so sorry for your loss there are just no words. Xxx

  • I am so incredibly sorry to read this, it is just not fair in the slightest. Take time to recover, don't expect too much too soon.

    I miscarried at nearly 10 weeks over a year ago after ICSI and it was truly the darkest of times. I have myself a tough time for 'taking it badly' and things were pretty dreadful for a while.

    I had some counselling and hid from the whole process for a bit and then realised one day I had moved forward, although couldn't spot when. I went for another cycle and the BFP and scans were just an emotional rollercoaster. I'm now 31 weeks and still in disbelief.

    You are stronger than you realise, look at what you've been through, and you have future options. For now though just take a day at a time...massive cliche...but so true.

    Wishing you loads of luck and sending a hug. Message if you need to chat xx

  • Hi DC,

    I am so very sorry this has happened to you. it's just so heartbreaking when you finally get a BFP to then miscarry.

    I miscarried at 7 and a half weeks with my first transfer and like you I had DE. I then went on to to get a second BFP (Fet) and now have a gorgeous wee girl. So it can happen and I am sure you will be successful next time.

    I hope you op goes well and you have a speedy recovery.

    Lots of love

    Jx

  • I'm so sorry to read your sad update! Thinking of you both and sending you a big hug! Look after yourselves!xx

  • So sorry DC. Just gutted for you xx

  • My heart bleeds for you.. sending much love xx

  • So so sorry to hear this life is so unfair xxx

  • Gosh that's really sad, I'm sorry to hear this. I've had two miscarriages, one was with icsi- I miscarried at 12 weeks and was heartbroken. I took some time out for myself and due to illness I waited a while before my 2nd round of icsi, I was recommended on taking asprin with any future positive pregnancies. Luckily I got pregnant within that cycle and I'm 26 weeks now. It helped to have support and tests done via the miscarriage clinic. Have you been referred for tests? X

  • My heart is with you xx

  • Big hugs xxx

  • I'm soo sorry to hear this :(( Take time for yourself and i'll be praying you get your miracle on the next go xxx

  • Hi DC, this is so sad to have to read, and as someone who's had several miscarriages and op's I completely know the utter feeling of dispair that you are feeling, and to a certain degree it is very much a time thing to let you heal. But I am a huge believer in PMA, yes you have had a hell of a ride to get this far, but the fact you got a bfp and saw a heart beat is a huge step forward. I know that won't ease your pain and it crushed me after losing ours after seeing a heart beat, but it's a very good sign that this can still work for you, as and when your ready. Give yourself a few cycles after your op before considering going again. Have time to yourselves, try and relax in the coming months and just have good old basic fun together! The one thing that helped me loads and still does now is always have one nice thing planned for each month, wether it be a nice meal out, meeting old friends, a weekend away etc, anything that gives you something each month to look forward to will work as when you have your crap/emotional days (which are completely normal) then you know there's always something nice to look forward too and help get your through those bad days. Hope your op goes as well as can be, it is a very emotional thing to have to go through, and cry as much as you want. Take care and I truly believe in the future this will happen for you x

  • So sorry for your loss. This is a very hard journey. Sometimes unbelievably so. All I can say is take care of yourself and I wish you all the luck in the world with your fet, should you choose to go down that path

  • ooh babez i am so sorry for your loss i suffered a miscarriage at 8 wks in August its the hardest thing ive had to go through in my life..i was also my very first positive after years off TTC..my thoughts are with you tho i no right now nothing anyone says will help the pain ur going through..feel free to message me anytime xxx

  • Oh DC I am so sorry to read this and I understand your hurt. I wish that there was something I could say right now to make you feel better or more positive but the truth is it's going to be a long road and you have to allow yourself to feel how you do. If you are struggling more than you think you can cope with I would recommend counselling. We only had one session and it helped just to talk out loud with someone who wasn't emotionally connected to our journey. Be kind to yourself during these next few weeks/months, take time for you and your partner and know that it will get easier in time, though you will never forget. Sending so much love to you and wishing that you can find your hope again when you are ready x x x

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