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Fertility Network UK
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Positive test but now loosing our miracle baby 😭😢

So last week after receiving the awful letter to say none of our 11 remaining embryos made it to freeze after day 6 I decided the test the day after and to my utter delight but surprise got our BFP 😍 Don't think I've ever felt so happy about anything In my life. Since than I've been paranoid maybe we tested too early (7dp5dt) so was doing a test everyday to double check. As we hadn't told anyone about our IVF we then decided time to tell both parents the happy new, they were over joyed.

On Thursday (9dp5dt) I started with light spotting (brown) read a few things which said it's nothing to worry about, rang the clinic they said the same. On Saturday I rang the Hewitt to tell them I had a BFP but still bleeding on and off and it's sometimes a little pink. They told me I had to sit it out and if I have a heavy bleed to test 5 days after but had provisionally booked my scan for 20th march. On Sunday I woke up to it a lot heavier and we went straight to the EPU. They were great, couldn't scan me as I was just under 5 weeks but they examined me and said my womb was closed which was a good sign. They did a urine prey test though which came back negative but they said it would just be that it's not picking up my levels as I wasn't 6 weeks and not to worry. I went to work yesterday but then went to the toilet at lunch to find lots more bleeding and some stringy clots too 😢 I'm so devastated, went to the hospital but as they say there really is nothing they can do to prevent it. They have told me to go home and rest. I literally feel like in the space of a couple of days my life has been span around. I've never felt so down and low about anything. The EPU have said I can go for a scan 1 week today but I already know it's over. I tested last night and the line seems faint already. I thought I was a pretty strong person until this. I've got so many things going round in my head, I can't eat, I can't sleep I feel like I want to lock myself away but then in the same breath I want to talk to people. My OH is on a really important job this week and I don't want him to see how badly this is affecting me. I'm not worrying that what if this pulls us apart and he leaves me or he finds comfort in someone else due to me being an absolute mess. I'm really scared. I've told work I need time off but even that's scaring me like what if they end up using an excuse to get rid of me and I have no job. I really don't know where to go from here 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

9 Replies
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Hello Emh.... firstly let me send you so much love. We had 10 embryos and two put back in... none of the others made it. But, like you we got a BFP. Sadly at 7 weeks there was nothing there; a chemical pregnancy.

Secondly...cry when you want to. Take the time off work...relax as told to and sit tight. But do eat. And do look after yourself.

Thirdly and most importantly... you will not lose hubby. If anything this has made me and Mr Emu stronger than ever. You’ll need each other. While he’s working.... why don’t you book a couple of nights away somewhere nice in this country? xx

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Hiya

I am with Mrs Emu....

After 3 miscarriages around 6.5 weeks, 1 x eptopic resulting in loss of left tube, 3 x failed IVF using own eggs all private cycles 1 x DE = BFP loss at 17.5 weeks, 2 x FET = BFN.

Cry all you like get it out scream shout stamp your feet but let it all out....

It will hurt, you think you won’t come out the other side but you will.

Take 1 minute at a time then you will get through 2 minutes there is no time barrier in recovery it’s when you feel ready.

Treat the hell out of yourself and hubby when you can, take a sneaky glass of wine or a few be you for a while and then when you feel ready tackle this again don’t worry about what if just go day by day by day...

Big hugs

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Hey. I’m so sorry for your loss. You will survive this, I promise. For now just concentrate on one day at a time. Take as much time as you need from work and if need be, get a note from your gp.

I’ve lost three babies. Two of them were last year after ivf. I’m now on my last tww with our last embryo after having lost one at thaw last Friday. Infertility and pregnancy loss are the most cruel combination. Truly heartbreaking. But please know that you did everything you could.

Perhaps you could try talking to Hubby? He may be hurting too but is keeping it inside because he thinks it will upset you more. Keep the lines of communication open. I can honestly say that my journey has made us stronger and I hope that yours does too xx

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This exact thing happened to my daughter at xmas. She would phone me in the middle of the night crying and I would get straight in my car and go to her, fortunately only 8 minutes away. Try not to be too hard on yourself because it’s a devastating time. You fought hard to get to that point. Times a healer and you will start feeling better very soon and then you will be able to think of your next step logically. Sending you lots of hugs my darling xxxxx

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Oh no I'm so sorry you are struggling.its the most painful thing to have been pregnant then lose it. You are stronger than you know .take things one day at a time and focus on things that bring you even a bit of joy.take care of yourself and rely on your friends and family for support. It will get better.

Hugs to you.

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Can't say enough how sorry I am to read this. I feel for you so much. It is not your fault. You couldn't have prevented this. I feel disappointed for you. I have lost 3 babies, the last one after ttc for a long time. I know how frustrating, sad and gutted you must be feeling right now. I can tell you one thing...you will get through this! There are no quick fixes though. It will take you some time before you recover both physically and emotionally. Grieve for your precious baby, talk to your husband too. Hard for you both in different ways. However, you both are united in having lost. Each time my husband and I lost we felt drained and empty,angry and devastated. Having each other to talk to helped a bit. Try and do some nice things as a couple when you feel up to it. Go for walks,dinners,cinema,days out or even a few night's away somewhere. This ia a rotten time for you right now and having been there 3 times I feel your pain and wish I could take it away. We are all here for you on this forum. Know that you aren't alone in this. You are entitled to time off work. Get a doctor's line. You need to rest plenty and recover. Your work should understand. Trusting you get good support from family at this time. Some day this awful experience will be behind you and rather than be like an open wound where you feel raw,it will be a scar. You will always remember this but you will recover. Trusting that in time things will prove much better for you and that all will work out. Don't give up. Sending you a massive hug. Take care.xo

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Thanks girls, all your kind words are really appreciated. It's such a hard thing to go through but it's comfort to know there's people who can relate.

I've passed quite a lot of blood this afternoon, still got pains and hoping they go soon.

My OH took me to pal mal private medical centre this morning for bloods so atleast we would know. My HCG level was 2.8 which is now classed as a negative pregnancy. I'm shocked at how quickly it's passed through my body but I could tell, I think when you know you really do know.

I think your all right about it making us stronger, I've never realised how caring and loving to me he is, it just breaks my heart to think I've lost the one thing I knew he really wanted so so bad.

I think I'll have a good cry and maybe even a glass or 2 of wine. Xx

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Just take good care of each other xx

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Hi, I'm so sorry this has happened. I know just how you feel. Try to just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to recover.xx

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