i am worried for my husband

[notactuallybellatrix]

we are undergoing ivf treatment at the moment. i am infertile due to my age and we were opting for egg donation ivf. my husband also has some issues in this department and this is what worries me a lot. he has a chromosomic abnormality that did not influence his health whatsover but it may be transferred and our baby might become a victim of it so his sperm obviously is not usable. and basically this is a huge issue. i see how upset he is and i know that he really desired to become dad really much. and now we have to go for egg and sperm donors ivf. before it was just talking, nothing too serious you know, he told me that before he was just really cautious but didn't think that this is a reality he would have to meet face to face some day.

but now... we have chosen both egg donor and sperm donor. and i feel like this is nothing for me, like I feel like egg donation is a normal thing but he is at this state of depression that often comes when you cant cope with reality. do not know what to do....

[bethany2]

I am here! I will support you

and this is obviously a very sensitive thing, you husband must be having hard times but I am sure that he will find his own methods to overcome it and what does not kill you makes you stronger!!

PS i don't know if you thought of it but what about pgd?

[notactuallybellatrix in reply to bethany2]

Thank you

yes we have thought of it but you know that such a procedure is very risky itself, you are taking cells from the embryo and it decreases the health of it and it may influence some abnormalities or disorders in the baby's body...

and even though clinics all over the world provide such a procedure and sometimes it is even included in the treatment itself I am not that fond of it... you know

so for the sake of our child, we decided to stick with the "healthiest" option

[bethany2 in reply to notactuallybellatrix]

i see. i know about pgd but it is used to help those who have struggled with some chromosome abnormalities but i from my part also do not have a lot of confidence in this thing.

but what did your gp or dr told you??

[bfrida]

that's awful

my husband also had bad times but he was totally health, it's me who had big problems. what am i talking about, i even don't know how's he feel

the only thing i can say is no matter whether your husband or you have problems the most important thing is faith. if we don't have it my hb and me will never dare to try the same way as you do

you should support him and i believe everything will be ok

[notactuallybellatrix in reply to bfrida]

but i do support him a lot...it's just he is very upset

it seems like there is no cure even for his mental state

[bfrida in reply to notactuallybellatrix]

gosh, i understand you want to have your full-blooded baby but what if you try adoption? it's also a good option? what's his attitude ??

[notactuallybellatrix in reply to bfrida]

but you know what this clinic allows us to choose the donor and we thought of it as of an option to have a child who would at least look like me and my hubby. we have also chosen the male donor.. oh if you saw my dh's face....

i do not want to adopt... i think that it is a bit too much for now at least

[bfrida in reply to notactuallybellatrix]

i know what are you talking about, we also thought about adoption but my husband thinks we should try more, btw we already failed ivfs several time and my hope is dying

[Hidden]

I am a man who's been through all this, including male infertility. I am happy to chat to him if he is open to it. PM me if he's open to it. x

[Skybid]

Hi there, we are in a similar situation, my husband has suffered from depression for a number of years and we found out that a couple of years ago that my husband has azoospermia so isn't producing sperm. This obviously has affected my husband's depression and after the last two failed ICSI's I have seen him go further and further down in himself. He now says he doesn't want kids, I think may be this is partly because he doesn't want the heartache and doesn't like to see me go through the injections etc.

After 1 failed IVF & 2 failed ICSI's we have been advised to go abroad and do egg + sperm donation due to my age and the quality of my eggs.

I was going to give it one last try and do a tandem cycle and if that fails, turn to adoption.

Really don't know what to do now???

[SnottyCow]

Hi have you tried speaking to a sperm donor support group. We met a lovely family when we went to a fertility show back in 2011. They told us their story about how they raised their kids to know they were born from a sperm donor and we listened to how the grown up kids felt about their family and their Dad is particular. It really helped my husband come to terms with his Azoospermia..... I'm sorry the details are so vague it was a while ago but it really did help.

[KateBrian in reply to SnottyCow]

I think it might be the Donor Conception Network you were talking about. They are really good and would be very helpful.