Making the transition from my eggs to donor eggs...

[Claire_Mitch]

Hi everyone! So I think I'm finally accepting that my egg quality just isn't going to cut it, certainly not worth spending endless money on the little critters sadly.. I'm 41 with amh level of 3.9. We got 7 eggs at my recent egg collection, which my consultant was amazed at, but only one embryo was any good and even that one wasn't the greatest (it was a not fully expanded blastocyst and wouldn't have been good enough to freeze, but we transferred it just in case).

I didn't even have to wait to test as I got my period before test day. Was gutted as ever but kind of resigned to it... My consultant's advice is to go with egg donation now - he said he "would never say it's impossible" for me to get preg/have a healthy baby with my eggs because he wouldn't use that word, but it's "very unlikely". I'd almost prefer "impossible" as the door is then completely closed! That tiny chance is a killer!

I'm feeling bad that we didn't try naturally this cycle straight after our failed ivf as you hear all these stories of "oh my friend did ivf, failed but then got pregnant naturally straight after..." Grrrr! But maybe that "friend's" problem wasn't very poor egg quality... Anyway we didn't try as I couldn't be bothered with another 2ww but I know I ovulated as I had loads of symptoms *sigh*. When it gets down to the wire like this I feel super-guilty if we miss a month or two of trying as it's like wasting an egg and what if that egg had been one of the 2% of mine that might be perfect. I am sooooo good at torturing myself! I know I should just "relax and have fun" with my husband but that's really just not possible when the outcome of that "fun" has such high stakes, i.e. having a baby or not.

Anyway, trying not to feel bitter, resentful, sorrowful, frustrated etc etc and hoping for some positive stories about egg donation??? Is anyone on here going down that route or do I need a separate forum? Would love to hear some happy egg donor stories and to know that, although there are extra considerations compared to using your own eggs, that it's possible to feel fulfilled and happy having a littlun via a donor egg... (I'm certain it is but I don't personally know anyone who's done it, so any advice and success stories gratefully received!) xxx

[Hidden]

Hello Claire. You are in the right place here. Welcome.

So much of your post resonates, regarding the endless trying...it's incredible. That not trying for a month or two, makes you feel guilty to have wasted a potential good egg. I have been torturing myself with that old chestnut for years. Then on the months that we throw caution to the wind and try, I symptom watch and have this little glimmer of hope.

But i did that for 10 years before IVF and its bloody soul destroying. And it can cause spousal arguments. Its bloody rubbish isn't it.

I used my own eggs, so I don't have direct experience of donor eggs. I was told I'd be better using donor eggs but I admit I got lucky on my first try (sorry that probably doesn't help does it). I had an AMH of lower than 3.2 because it had been measured a few years prior to the IVF with surgeries on the ovaries following that. But I was younger then, and I think now, over 40 I'd have made a different decision.

I'm similar age to you and now looking to try for a sibling and would definitely consider DE.

A family friend of ours had egg donation and her children I think are about 8 now. She has twins through it, and she has very very severe stage 4 endo like me. But she carried both twins well. She completely and utterly adores her children, they are her children. She carried them, fed them with her blood supply and gave birth to them. She is their mother and they her children.

Also, epigenetics means the child you carry takes a huge amount from you whilst in utero.

There are quite a few ladies using donor eggs here at the moment, so you are in the right place.

I think they will have more salient advice than me on this but I thought I would start it..

Lots of luck to you but I will say this, from the lady I know - it ABSOLUTELY is possible to feel happy and fulfilled with egg donation. xxx

[Claire_Mitch in reply to Hidden]

Aw thank you!!! 😊🤗💗 That is wonderful to hear and much appreciated I've heard about epigenetics and found that very interesting too... I feel pretty positive about it but stories like that make me even more so. Many congrats to you having success despite the amh level - I think it's just my age/the quality of my eggs letting me down now, they're ready for their bus passes I think!! Thanks again hon Xx

[Hidden in reply to Claire_Mitch]

bus passes, oh this is so funny. I think mine are too, and winter fuel allowance. hahaha you have the right attitude for this. Sounds like you are strong enough to get through this IVF lark... good on you.

Have you chosen a clinic? Do let us know all your progress.. exciting times. xxx

And yes, epigenetics was pointed out to me by a scientist I know who is having egg donation IVF herself. xxx

[LisaMV]

7 weeks pregnant after first donor egg cycle. I am 42. Pm me with any questions. Xxx

[Fredaflintstone in reply to LisaMV]

Congrats Lisa! That gives me lots of hope as a 42 year old waiting for a donor egg FET xxx

[Claire_Mitch in reply to LisaMV]

Congrats Lisa!! Fantastic news 😊 Wishing you loads of luck xxx

[CountryCat]

15 weeks pregnant with donor egg at 43. Very lucky it took first time. Went abroad for treatment so do message me if you have any questions. All the best to you xx

[Fredaflintstone in reply to CountryCat]

And this also gives me lots of hope. I don't think I realised yours was DE treatment. I get confused. Hope all is well with you xx

[CountryCat in reply to Fredaflintstone]

Thank you! There are so many ladies and so many stories on here, it is difficult to remember them all 😉

[Fredaflintstone in reply to CountryCat]

I know amd my memory is terrible! Nice to know there are a few fellow DE treatment buddies. x

[Claire_Mitch in reply to CountryCat]

That's brilliant and very inspiring!! Thanks CountryCat, that's great and it's fab to know there are people I can message with questions xxx

[pm27]

I know you asked for success stories sadly we didn't get a happy ending after using DE for round 3 of ICSI. We were told chances of success were 40%. Sadly we were in the unlucky 60%. I found it hard to get my head round using DE but as I was over 40 consultant said he'd only try 1 more time with mine so we gave DE a try. Have you found the Donor Conception website? It answered a lot of my questions/fears about bonding with any resultant babies. I really don't think it would have been a problem after carrying the baby, giving birth etc.

Good luck. I really hope you get a BFP.

[Claire_Mitch in reply to pm27]

Thanks pm27! Good tip re Donor Conception Network, I did spot their website and will definitely turn to them for more info/advice. I'm so sorry you didn't get a happy ending yet, it's so, so, so hard isn't it dealing with repeated failures and bad news.. sending you lots of hugs xxxx

[Cinderella5]

Hey there, Im 39 and when I started IVF around a year and a half ago my AMH was 7.19 and have done 3 rounds of ICSI....discount the 1st one as I had a cyst but in the next cycle I got 6 eggs (2 expanding blasts transferred on day 5) and period arrrived 7 days post transfer. The next we got 9 eggs (1 good blast transferred on day 5) and period arrived 7 days post transfer. These were fortunately NHS cycles but like you we have been told my eggs are just old! I too have fought the fight that possibly things could work out with more cycles (not naturally as my husband has a very low sperm count) but without an endless pot of money we felt we needed to go down the DE route. I fortunately do know a couple that used DE & DS and they have a beautiful 3 year old daughter whom they dote on which was their 2nd attempt. My husband was very pro DE from the start (especially as our first round didnt go well) but I have to admit that I struggled, the thought of giving up on my eggs was really heard. I spoke to lots of lovely ladies on here and researched clinics and decided that I just needed to go for it. So Im all booked to start in 5 weeks time and now I cant wait. If you want to chat or have any questions or want to chat in private then PM me!xx

[Claire_Mitch in reply to Cinderella5]

Hi Cinderella I'm sorry to hear of your failed ivf cycles... our failures are for a similar reason (that's been identified so far) - the age of my eggs 🍳 ! We're exactly the same in terms of money, just couldn't fork out endlessly when such a low chance of success, so donor eggs now for us and I'm excited that it gives us a better chance though it is so expensive and still not guaranteed! But I keep reminding myself we can't take our money with us when we pop our clogs and no point spending it on, e.g., a new kitchen(!) when I'd just be sitting in it wishing I had a beloved child playing beside me.

So donor eggs are next and we have an initial consultation on 7 September. Hoping to use our clinic's egg bank so no waiting around.. Great your hubby was pro from the start, mine took a little longer to get his head round it but is fully on board now and I'm really excited about the much better chance of success it gives us

Thanks for the lovely news about the couple you know with their little one, that's fantastic and I really hope you have success and send you so much luck for your cycle in 5 weeks! 🤞🏼🍀 I might PM you with any questions I have about this down the line, so thank you for that! Xxx

[Cinderella5 in reply to Claire_Mitch]

Yes it is exciting when you know you have a plan yo move forward! I'm obviously not kissing myself that it will definitely work but at least we have better odds than my rubbish eggs. Thanks for your well wishes and happy chat anytime if you want to me PM! Good luck for your consultation, hope it goes well!xx