Some advice and kindness needed

[Molliemoo85]

Hi everyone, I'm sorry in advance for the long post. I've been missing for a while because I couldn't face the reality of what was happening, and i couldnt quite put anything into words, but I'm back, and in need of some advice if possible.

A recap on my journey so far, I started IVF in March 2023. I got successful on my first transfer, but in July 2023 had a termination for medical reasons, my baby girl was very sick and had Trisomy 18. In October 2023, I transferred my last embryo, and I miscarried in December. We made a decision to move forward with Donor egg in February of this year. I had a transfer in March and was again successful, only to find out that my second baby girl had Trisomy 13, and again, another termination in the second trimester.

We've now made the decision to move to double donor, using both donor egg and sperm. This is the last chance and option for us. I'm really hoping that double donor will give us more hope and maybe a higher chance. Has anyone any success stories that will boost my already shattered heart? I'm greatful that I can get pregnant because I know that it's not a luxury that everyone has, I just need the lucky egg

Thanks for reading this far!

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi. You may have a shattered heart, but what an amazing g couple you are, to have suffered miscarriage and two terminations. I’ve been in fertility many years and can find nothing but admiration for what you have been through, and I feel you have made the correct decision to go with a double donor. I spoke to a lady this morning who is carrying a double donor embryo after suffering multiple miscarriages, so couples are doing this and some have found peace in producing a live birth. I can only wish you every good wish and have the family you deserve. Diane

[Molliemoo85 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thanks so much Diane, I really appreciate the kind words and I'm so happy to hear of that lady's success with her double donor. It's brings relief to hear good things. Thanks so much for replying

[Skittles11]

Hello lovely lady You may not remember but we spoke a few times privately when you were going through your first TFMR (I went through this in 2021 for Trisomy 18 and it was the hardest time of my life).

I am absolutely saddened and shocked to see what you have endured since that time. To go through TFMR is something that I don't believe can be described but when you know the pain you know. To go through it not once but twice and with a miscarriage in between is harrowing beyond words. I am so very sorry to see what you have been through and especially when you have made the move to donor egg in the meanwhile.

I sincerely hope that the move to double donor gives you the opportunity you deserve. I also wondered whether pgta testing might be something you'd want to consider as this may help give you more confidence even if using a donor.

Wishing you all the very best. Nobody deserves what you have been through. Sending warm wishes and hope for the future x x x

[Molliemoo85]

Hi Skittles11 of course I remember you! How could I forget your support and kindness. Apologies for going quiet, I came away from everything to try and cope with what what happening at the time. We're really hoping that our double donor will work out for us, and we are definitely going to pgt whatever we get. My last donor gave us 3 embryos, when the first that we transferred ended in the second termination, we decided to test the remaining two. Both had fatal trisomy so they were sadly discarded. I do feel some relief that we didn't take a chance and transfer and I'm so grateful that we went for pgt to save further heartbreak. I'm trying to be positive and hold some hope that a double donor is our chance.

I hope you are keeping well and it's so nice to hear from you xx

[Kitkat10]

I’m so sorry to read what you have been through. I moved to DD after 3 failed transfers with my OE, one ending in mmc. While I haven’t endured the heartbreak that you have, I did realise that I needed to come to terms with the fact that my chances with OE were going to be too low (4-7%)(age 42) to continue to spend so much money on.

I hope this lifts your spirits because my first DD transfer worked and I had a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby just a couple of months before turning 44. I might have eventually had a successful outcome with my OE had I pushed on but I suspect I would not have done.

Good luck with everything going forward, I have everything crossed for you that this will be your lucky egg x

[Molliemoo85 in reply to Kitkat10]

Thank you so much for sharing, this is exactly what I needed to hear! I'm so so happy for you. And I'm so happy to hear of the DD success too, it always helps to hear someone else's happy ending. Thanks for lifting my spirits x

[Christianbaby]

I can’t imagine how hard it was to write that, but thank you for sharing your story. You've been through so much, and it’s no wonder your heart feels so heavy. I’m so sorry for all the pain you've had to endure—it's just not fair.

It’s amazing that, despite everything, you’re still finding the strength to move forward. Deciding to go with double donor feels like a really hopeful and positive step, and I genuinely hope this is the one that brings you the happiness you’ve been fighting for.

I’ve heard of people finding success with double donor IVF after similar struggles, and I’m crossing my fingers that this next chapter will be your turn for some much-deserved good news.

Sending strength and positivity. You deserve your rainbow at the end of this storm. x

[Nes1005]

Hello

I just wanted to write and send a hug , I’m so so sorry for what you are going through, I’ve sadly also been through TFMR and then missed miscarriage the pain and suffering is something no human should endure. Sorry that you are hurting and have suffered such terrible situations. You can and will survive, even though it sometimes doesn’t feel like it. You are super strong to still be standing. And you can get your happy ending, whatever route you choose, don’t give up- one foot in front of the other one day at a time. Sending so so so much love, and if you ever want to chat please reach out. Thinking of you.❤️❤️❤️

[Sja1981]

My friend did DD aged 44 and has a gorgeous healthy girl. It's definitely opened my mind to the possibilities. And have you read about epigenetics?

It seems to be the route I may have to go as my first cycle has ended in 3 embryos, grown from 5 eggs taken from me, which according to PGTA are all abnormal. I'm devastated and wondering if I'll ever be able to produce a healthy egg. I'm 43.

[SKC111]

I’m sorry to hear what you have been through, it’s understandable you needed to take some time out. Sending lots of love. I think DD is a good idea, your baby will have so much love! I wish you all the success! 🫶🏼 xxx

[Coming_up_Roses]

Just wanted to send some love and solidarity, I've had a late tfmr and when we moved to donor eggs then had a mmc. We're just picking ourselves up again, I know it's very tough. You and your partner sound strong together, keep loving and supporting each other. I wish you all the luck in the world with your next steps, and have heard of many success stories with double donor. 💛💜🌟 Xx