Feeling really low

[Jen364]

Hi everyone. I'm really struggling at the moment. I had a laparoscopy on Monday to investigate fluid found earlier this year at egg collection. They found that my right tube has hydrosalpinx so had to clip it and they also found that I have significant Endometriosis. So they went looking for one problem and found 2 problems. Its just one thing after the next. The ttc journey is hard enough and I feel like since my miscarriage all I've been given is bad news. I'm not sure why the endometriosis hasn't been found before now and what that now means for the rest of my journey. I've got a frozen embryo that they say I can request treatment for in 3 cycles but I'm already expecting the worst.

I just can't cope with any more bad news. I feel so low and it's made even worse when people around me are announcing their pregnancies. I can't stop thinking about where I'd be up to if I'd not had the miscarriage.

Sorry for the rant x

[Hidden]

No need to be sorry we all need to get things off our chest and here is the best place for that as although we may have different diagnoses the one thing we all know too well on here is the pain infertility can bring.

I'm so sorry to hear you had news you wasn't expecting I do know that feeling very well myself.

in march (due to bleeding in between my cycles) discovered I've got a fibroid in my lining of my uterus which when I saw my consultant Monday said this has stopped me getting preg(I had to really fight gp who swore it didn't affect my fertility and I should get on with ivf luckily clinic wouldn't allow that and I did get a referral from my gp to a general gynae) Consultant says it's been there the whole time we've been trying nearly 4 years. And why ex nhs clinic or no one picked it before now I do not know but I guarantee they all "cover" each other's mistakes up and tho it's wrong at least I know now and the consultant is going to remove it surgically thank god and then I can try again before considering ivf. It can be a real shock but it's good it's been found out now and they might be able to do things to improve your chances. Obviously I'm not medical but they might do something now they know about it and that could be very positive and give you a better chance of having your baby. It is better these things are discovered and can be dealt with. As for friends having babies know that one all our friends have children we really feel left out. Whilst we are happy for others we are sad for us not having a baby. Don't feel bad or guilty for feeing like that it's very normal. I come on here way more than fb can't bear hearing all the baby announcements wandering when it'll ever be our turn. You're doing well by just keeping on going. This is challenging for anyone and you're bound to have days where it can feel too much we all do. It is crazy wot some of us have to do in order to have a baby. But the upside is your baby will be so much more special to you having had to fight for it I know mine will be. I'm so about your miscarriage that's awful. Maybe some counseling may help? I don't know. Just an idea. Hope you feel better soon. Sending you a big hug X

[Jen364 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Jess. It's good speaking to people on here who understand. The real world can be very lonely. I had some counselling at the clinic after my miscarriage which was a little bit helpful but at each appointment she didn't remember why I was there and went over the same info each time which wasn't helpful. I deactivated my Facebook account nearly a year ago because it was too hard seeing announcements and I'm so glad I did.

I'm glad you've finally got some answers, it bad that you've have to wait so long and fight so hard. Well done for not giving up the fight x

[herrys]

Hi jen sorry to read of your loss and then your bad news and it's hard to focus on any good after a blow like that , just try and focus on you know what's what now so a different plan of action can be taken try and keep positive for your FET in 3 months ! And after a miscarriage it's very normal to be sad and thinking where you should be up to and dates will forever hold a place in your heart , I should have three 4 year olds a 3 year old and a 2 year old and I will always hold onto there dates I'm memory of what should of been but it does get easier I promise xxx

[Jen364 in reply to herrys]

Thank you herrys. So sorry to hear of your losses too, nobody should have to go through that. It is helpful knowing I'm not alone in all this so thank you for your reply x

[herrys in reply to Jen364]

No problem focus on the good now ! Every time is different, I'm nearly 12 weeks pregnant very nervous but also seen baby twice and everything is going well so keeping everything crossed this time will be okay.

Wishing you all the best hugs and baby dust xxx

[Jen364 in reply to herrys]

Congratulations, that's brilliant news. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes really well xxx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

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Hi Jen364. Well, a good “rant” can get things off your chest, so it’s not a bad thing to do! So sorry to read that you are feeling so down at the moment. I think we need to find a few “positives” for you here. First of all your hydrosalpinx has been sorted, so there can no risk of “trapped” fluid leaking back down into your womb to interfere with any implantation of an embryo(s). As for the endometriosis, this can be such an elusive condition, as it doesn’t always show up, plus it can come and go. Obviously, it can cause problems with blocking your tubes, so it’s good that you can have IVF. During IVF it can be shrunk down too during down regulation. So now they have discovered this, your treatment plan will be tailored accordingly. Nobody wants to have to go through all of this, but I feel you must try and see that you can be treated, which is good. “Baby news” is a difficult one to deal with, as we will always have them around. Perhaps just be careful who you spend time with for the moment, while you are feeling fragile, especially as you have suffered a miscarriage, which will remain raw in your mind for some time – the memory of this will ease as time goes on. Maybe, it might help to have a chat with a counsellor at your clinic, so you can chat about any worries that you have. I do hope this hasn’t sounded like too much of a lecture, and of course, I wish you loads of luck with whatever treatment is decided for you. Meanwhile, rest when you can, as I’m sure you are still a bit bloated and sore from the laparoscopy. Diane

[Jen364 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you Diane. The info about the hydrosalpinx and endometriosis is really helpful, wish someone at the hospital could have explained it to me like that. I'm glad my treatment can be changed for the FET. I know there are positives, it can just be really difficult to see them. After my miscarriage I tried counselling at the clinic. Some of it helped but it felt very impersonal. She didn't remember at each appointment why I was there and went over the same info because she had forgotten what was discussed in the last session x

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Jen364. Glad it was of some help to you. Sorry to read that the counselling you received wasn’t exactly “up to par”! Miscarriage is such a sensitive subject, and very personal to that person, so I feel it should be handled carefully, at whatever stage a person is at. Let’s hope that the staff are more caring when you start your next treatment cycle – fingers crossed! If at any stage you would like to talk anything over with me in confidence, you can find my details on our website. infertilitynetworkuk.com

[Jen364 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you

[Katrina13]

Hey don't give up - this happened to me, I ended up having both my tubes & endo removed and got pregnant from my next frozen transfer.

The problem has been found & treated, that is positive news honey xx

[Jen364 in reply to Katrina13]

Thank you Katrina, you've given me a bit of hope. I can't understand why they didn't remove my endo. Instead they said they will alter my next treatment which will hopefully reduce it before they transfer the frozen. Just wish they would have got rid of it x

[Katrina13 in reply to Jen364]

I think they weigh up the benefits of removing it against the cons of the actual surgery. For me it was more about removing the scarring than the actual endo itself. I actually also still have one tube randomly floating around and stuck to my bowel, but disconnected from my uterus, as they couldn't remove it in its entirety. Sometimes you do have to put some faith in the doctors and just go with it x

[Jen364 in reply to Katrina13]

I know, I do need to put more faith in the doctors. It's just really hard not really knowing what's going on with my own body. I've got a consultation in June so hopefully I'll know more then. Thanks for your reply x