Feeling a bit sorry for myself I guess. But i cant help but think of ‘if hasn’t happened after 3 years, im young and unexplained infertility’ is that a sign that it just not going to happen for me? Should I just accept that? The consultants ‘your young you’ll be fine!’ Isn’t really cutting it anymore, it’s becoming rather irritating if im honest.
I feel as though I’m constantly feeling guilty for going out, having a drink, spending money and eating what I fancy- basically living my life!! I’m waiting for results at the mo and starting fresh round in few months so don’t panic I’m not ‘drinking on the job!’ .
I cant help but have that nagging voice ‘oh you should be preparing ‘ ‘your body should be a temple’. I see women on here who put their all into making their bodies the best they can be, and I feel guilty for not doing the same. I take my hat off to those women. In a way I guess I feel resentful of having to do all that ‘just to have a baby’ when others can fall pregnant just by a thought.
I’m completely having a rant- just feeling a bit fed up and wondering if spending more money and making myself feel guilty for another half a year will actually make any difference as to whether our third round works. The thought of never having children does break my heart, but I don’t want not being able to have children consume my life and my relationship.
What a shitty journey hey ladies!!
Written by
Mlove12
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Yes it's so sh*tty isn't it - I feel the same as you, it's such a frustrating journey and throws up so many horrible emotions which complicate and permeate through everything. We are in a "good prognosis" group too which makes it even more frustrating.I'm trying to make the most of childfree life while we navigate this journey (doing hobbies we love, going out with friends etc, developing my own interests) so hopefully either way at the end of the journey we will feel that we have made the most of our life so far (children or not), as this is something we do have some semblance of control over. Such a horrible journey though and I am first to admit that I have plenty of wobbles. Trying to strike a healthy balance in the meantime before our next EC, and finding that looking after my body does make me feel better, but also enjoying a treat when I want it 😊
I hear you. It’s been 10 years for us since stopping contraception. About 8 years of ivf. Own eggs and now a second donor. It’s exhausting isn’t it. I hope we get there in the end but there aren’t any guarantees are there. I always had in my mind that if ivf doesn’t work we would adopt. How about you?
I’m so sorry to hear you journey has been a difficult and long one. Your an absolute trooper and I’m certain you’ll make the most magical mamma one day!
My partner isn’t really up for the adoption route, and right now it isn’t really an option for me either. However we have both said that may change, and if IVF doesn’t work and a few years down the line we really feel like something is missing from our life (a child!) then we would perhaps consider adoption, but just not in the shorter term. Wishing you lots of luck x
When we started this process in Sep I didn’t realize i was signing up for a roller coaster.
I have so much respect for everyone who is on this platform. Those that hold on and those who know when to let go. I never thought falling pregnant could be this difficult but here we are. This process is a lot and it takes over our lives.
For what it’s worth, I’m one of those women who read ‘It starts with the egg’ took like 12 vitamins day, cut out alcohol and caffeine completely, got rid of plastic in my house, ate all of the vegetables, did weekly acupuncture and my cycle still failed. Constantly being in prep mode is exhausting and unsustainable, you end up feeling guilty any time you want to do something ‘normal’. @ThisIsAliceRose on instagram has lots of good tips about reclaiming your life while TTC. Maybe check her out. Good luck x
We were trying for 5 years with unexplained infertility, and we were told we are young and not to worry. I gave up work for a full year to concentrate on ivf, we did two rounds 1 ending jn miscarriage, 1 didn't get anywhere as I only had 1 egg and it fertilised abnormally. During that year i put my all into it, lost weight, didn't drink, took all the supplements i read about, worked out, cut out everything remotely taboo ... basically put my life on hold. Finally we decided financially and mentally I needed to go back to work. 5 months in we decided to do our third and final round, I'd gained weight, started living again, stressed with work ... well I'm currently 17 weeks!!
I know everyone is different, everyone's experience is different, but i think i took from this experience you do not have to be perfect to have a baby. It is something we tell ourselves because this process is so shit and it gives us a tiny bit if control back in a situation that we have no control over.
Good luck for the future, hope you decide to do what's right for you x
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I really hope my story will be similar to your own, ive given up on being stressed about it, gotta live my life to! X
I honestly think ivf is stressful enough with adding stress. Do things that make you happy to release happy hormones: that includes going out, enjoying food having a take away, seeing friends etc.I put off changing jobs during ivf and after it not working i had a big talk with myself and decided i wasn't putting my life on hold just incase i might fall pregnant ......as i also might not and will have regrets.
On the lead up to ivf i had the odd drink but during treatment i didn't, ate mostly healthy but equally we would go out for food etc too.
I would say do what feels right, as you say people have totally changed their life style and had success.....but there will be people that it hasn't worked for, equally people that haven't changed much and some work/some don't.
Wishing you all the luck as ivf really is just a game of luck!
another vote here for not putting life on hold. I went on an all inclusive holiday the month before our last transfer and drank/ate my body weight twice over! I’ve always stopped drinking alcohol 1-2weeks before a transfer. I don’t massively change my diet but make sure I’m getting in fruits and veg daily and always took my supplements. We’ve had 3 transfers and got a positive test each time. X
this is the place for you to rant Mlove, I’m with you. I thought you have went to do some test on NK cells? I’m in 2WW for my 3rd transfer but I’m very sure it’s over, 2 more days to OTD but this afternoon I saw light brown spotting. I’m exhausted emotionally, 2 years on IVF and countless tests 😞
Yes currently just waiting for results regarding implantation and NK cell testing. Although I’m not feeling hopeful with our 0% fertilisation rates from our last round! I’m so sorry to hear your feeling deflated, I can definitely sympathise with the feeling of the 2 week wait. I truly hope it works out for you and that your body is being cheeky and playing tricks- you never know! Everyone on here is truly brave and an inspiration, yourself included 💕sending you lots of luck for a healthy sticky embryo! X
Thank you. It will be my next step. The journey is still long and winding. I’m not giving up, I’m just feeling deflated until they find any clues and we can move on with our lives. So many plans we currently put on hold, I’ll need to sort out one by one xx
Has your partner had any additional tests done like sperm DNA frag? The 0% fertilisation rate could def indicate a male factor issue, so I'd recommend your partner do the test before your next cycle. My partner's standard semen analyses always came back normal so we assumed that no further testing was necessary, but after a shitty IVF round our consultant suggested that he have the DNA frag test and lo and behold, we discovered that his results were quite bad. We were previously diagnosed with unexplained infertility so it was such a relief to finally find a reason for our struggles! It's so so common to assume that the problem must be with us, but it's good to remember that male factor issues are just as likely to be the cause for infertility as female issues.
Hey, the DNA frag test is our next step. Similar to you his results have all been ‘fabulous!’ And the clinic didn’t actually suggest checking his side any more, put the 0% fertilisation down to most likely poor egg quality. 🤷♀️but I think it’s definitely worth a shot! Would definitely be nice to have a reason/ something we know we can focus on x
Ahh, glad to hear you're having the DNA frag test done next! Just saw that your nk cells test came back normal. Good news in that it eliminates one more possible problem off the list, but I know also so frustrating to just keep hearing that things are "normal" when something so obviously isn't! Fingers crossed you get your answer soon xx
Bless you! I understand. Both myself and my cousin have tried to conceive. I haven’t been trying as long as her but have PCO, adenomyosis and a partner with a very low sperm count. We begin icsi soon as have been told we won’t conceive naturally because of his sperm count, morphology and motility. I have thus far gone through various stages of treating my body like a temple. Currently I still drink alcohol but will reduce when we get further into the process. I take supplements, limit caffeine and I workout 3-5 times per week and have a healthy bmi. I don’t for a second think I am struggling with this because of something I have done. Or something he has done. We’re both very fit otherwise. I have so many less healthy friends who seemingly only needed to glance at their partners to get pregnant. My cousin had unexplained fertility for years but knew deep down that she had endometriosis, when they finally diagnosed her she was told she would not conceive naturally. Had a miscarriage from an ivf attempt . Then had an operation to clear out the endo a bit, had sex for the fun of it, drank in her two week wait (when normally she wouldn’t) and then discovered she was pregnant. Her baby shower was yesterday. She tried for 7 years. Have you had your Fallopian tubes checked? Xx
Hey, thank you for sharing your journey and families journey. That’s typical isnt it, I wish that was the case for all of her on here!😆
I have had tubes checked as this was part of the NHS testing we had prior to then being referred for IVF. I’m going to assume it’s implantation issue or egg/fertilisation issue. Just don’t want to keep my life on hold anymore. I do drink of a weekend and know I shouldn’t. But work isn’t fun at the mo and weekends are my downtime which I enjoy, so go out with friends regularly. Once we get closer to the time of IVF I’ll behave a bit more lol! Wishing you lots of luck with your fertility journey💕x
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
How do you pick yourselves up and carry on? 
Do you think the grief ever passes?
Any ladies out there positive natural pregnancies low AMH/ovarian reserve? Feel like giving up
BFN 😢 Not ready to give up!!
BFN- How do you pick yourself up? 
