Feel like not to care anymore...

[Olivia1980xxx]

I'm giving up now , I'm tried.... 😔 My last post was starting new self funding ICSI cycle. Well didn't happen...I went to see my family ...and my hubby few days before we meant to start the cycle he turn s..t around saying for us to wait another 2months ... I cry and I was angry ...what difference does it make another 2 months ... I cannot wait another couple months I don't want to anymore I'm done with it ! It's gonna hyt him in few weeks when my sis in low will give a birth... I all ready feel like punching bag for people when they asking me about her ...and saying to me if I got the children...... I answer NO IM TO OLD FOR THAT NOW ..... Im giving up I'm done with it . Im really giving up trying for over 2 and half years ... Going thru doctors ...laparoscopy....doctor ...trying keep diet...reading staff on internet...taking vitamins....listen people what they don't know nothing what I went through....operation to remove my right tube ...living me with only one good left one ...staying in hospital for few days because my blood pressure was to low ....asking to help me to go to gad them toilet ....😔😔...and unsuccessful cycle in March ..... Nothing going to help me .... On top of that I feel even worse helping her to decorate the flat , painting the room for baby ... Then when it come the time for her baby she ask me if I can be there with her ... After helping her with baby .... I can't do it anymore and I can't say no to her ... I don't want to look bad or I'm jealous for her ...😔 I'm so angry with everything that I want to scream and cry the same time ....

[hopeforICSI]

Huni I felt as if I read my own story.. My own feelings . it's difficult but I can't help myself either. It's so uncontrollable thing. I would think of counseling services at this point would help the most hun. Please take care of yourself. I feel the same, I feel as is taking vitamin is going to give Me baby.. Controlling my diet is gonna bring me baby... Injections would help me get that, but this all is lucky draw... You play and play and try..never know what comes out of it... Please take care of yourself Olivia dear, you are not alone. Thinking of you.

[Kernishp]

There's a saying that always helped me when I felt like this: "It'll all be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end."

I hope you manage to take some time for yourself. Xxx

[Sarah112]

I know how hard all this is. All I can suggest is to look after yourself for the time being. Be kind to yourself. You may want to think about setting some boundaries between yourself and your sister. Think about how much you want to get involved and what will be too much emotionally for you and then stick to these boundaries. Although we feel we need to be there for family, you also need to do what's best for you.

All the best x

[Olivia1980xxx]

Thank u girls for being there . I'm really done with it . Since I'm back from short family stay my hubby is "NICE" ...to me for change ....maybe thinking that gonna help me to get pregnant...stress free .... No it doesn't.... He don't even speak about HIS decision to wait another 2 months ... In March after unsuccessful cycle I was so depressed I felt like world collapse..my feelings was like a roller coaster ...and I did went for counselling first time just me and second time we was 2gother he finally knew how I really feel and what I go thru 😔 Now I done all that ...and I'm done with it whatever he want or think to do ...the only bad side is that gonna be hard to separate from my sis in low ....we can choose friends ..but we can't choose family 😔...I'm stacked with her 😔😔😔😔

[Hopeful1982]

Oh Olivia1980, I'm sure your hubby doesn't want to wait to spite you. It will be tough for him too. In some of my darkest times my hubby used to suggest that we just stop trying altogether. He genuinely saw this as a solution to the problem. There's a good book called "What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting" that really helped my hubby understand how I was feelng.

I would use the time you have to prepare yourself for your next round of ICSI. A few counselling sessions and maybe some yoga/tai chi/pilates might help you to relaxand get in a better frame of mind.

As for your SiL, my counsellor said sometimes being selfish is necessary to allow us to protect ourselves. You need to spend time with the people who make you feel good just now. If it's too difficult to be around your SiL she'll need to take a back seat for a while. If she appreciates you as much as she should (after all the help you've given her) then she will understand.

Take care of yourself x