Fertility Network UK

Feeling very low. 😪

After having a miscarriage a few weeks ago after our first ICSI IVF I was devastated but we eventually started to come to terms with it and we're getting back to normal.

My sister who has a 11 month old has now told me she is 5 weeks pregnant. When she told me I cried my eyes out for hours and really struggled to talk to her. I feel awful that I can't be happy for them but I just can't seem to get over that it should of been me that was pregnant.

I feel like all I want to do is cry and don't know what to do! 😪

12 Replies
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Oh you poor love...I so get it...I'm the same..I had 2ND miscarriage in May and thought I was moving on...but my neighbour one side just had baby and other side whom I get on so well is due 23rd September..her bump looks amazing..that I think what gets me the most and I have been avoiding her, couldn't the other day, did all chit chat..came indoors and cried and got drunk..I feel bad for my thoughts..so for you it must be so much harder with your sister..I'm not sure what the answer is..but sending you big hugs and to say you are not alone xxxx



You have been through a lot and it is understandable. Does your sister understand why you feel like you do? Emotions are all over the place and it all takes time and that's what you need and to focus on your next treatment

Thinking of you

Kelly xx


I am so sorry to read this, I have been there and it's agonising.

There is nothing you can do or 'should' do, it's all about taking a day at a time. You mustn't put any pressure on yourself to do anything other than ride it out honestly. If you need to cry then do, if you need to hide then do.

Your sister should understand, if not immediately then in time. You are allowed to feel shitty about this and the injustice.

Ride out a day at a time and be gentle on yourself. A couple of counselling appointments worked wonders for me if you can access any.

I promise it gets easier with time xxx


I'm not surprised you feel so upset it's so close to your mc. I hope that your sister can understand how difficult this news was for you to hear, I don't suppose it was easy for her to tell you either. There's no time line for coping with mcs and I still think about the babies that should have been.

Be kind to yourselves.


Hi there. It's rubbish isn't it? My advice would be don't fight the emotions. What we resist persists, it gets stronger. It will come and then go. All sorts of things trigger emotions and we can't control that. The more we try to the more we get stuck in them. We get scared we will never 'be OK' again or we will fall down a pit never to get out again. Just like our body is continually trying to restore back to health physically (e.g. cuts healing, bones knitting together) our mind does the same emotionally it restores back to peace of mind if we don't tamper with the system, i.e. struggle with our emotions. Let them come and go.

It can be tiring though can't it and sometimes you just want to switch off. If you want to I have a hypnosis track for doing just that and putting this weight of emotion down for you to rest. It is hypnotic so don't listen whilst driving or doing anything to need to concentrate on! I recommend listening as you go to sleep:




Aww u poor thing can imagine how u must be feeling my sister is pregnant with her 2nd child and as much as I should be happy for her I feel really low and upset as been trying for baby no 2 for 3 years now and just hoping my time will come xx


Ah it's shit isn't it? I always feel guilty every time someone tells me they're pregnant and the first thing I think is 'why isn't it me?' Don't beat yourself up about it. You are still grieving and that takes a while to process. Xx


Awww I feel so sad for you having to deal with hearing your sisters news whilst you're still grieving your loss! I just wanted to hopefully send you some support!! I know there is nothing I can say to make this any better but sending you a big cuddle!xx


I feel your pain. I too had a BFN after my first IVF with ICSI last month and since, have found out that one friend is expecting her second child. She waited until I had shared with her my heartbreaking story to break the news - awkward!! I was happy for her but could feel my throat tightening and tears about to flow down but managed to control myself.

All my siblings have girl at least 2 children and I am the middle child; my husband is in the same situation and every time there is a pregnancy announcement in the family, I feel like it should be us, like other people are robbing us from OUR moment.

It is normal to feel this way and if you need to cry it out, don't feel bad for it. You have every right to feel low in this situation. The way I rise back is by persuading myself it will soon be our turn and I try to distract myself by doing things I enjoy doing.

Hugs X


Feel for you! When we were trying everyone seemed to be falling pregnant and after having had a miscarriage my sister fell pregnant within a month of trying (also a month after my miscarriage). Although I was happy for her I remember feeling how unjust it was and it's really hard to accept. Especially as people that haven't struggled rarely realize how insensitive they can be. That's why it's great to come here.

It's also worth trying to explain to your sister how upset you are about your miscarriage etc. That way she can think carefully about how to relate to you.

In the end after several more attempts I did get pregnant and am approaching 15 weeks. So at the moment am feeling positive and there is still hope for you too xx


Hi Jenkins - I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so hard but it's only been a few weeks, you need to allow yourself more time to grieve. It's incredibly hard to get back to normal, you will never get over it but you will get through it. Take time for yourself and don't beat yourself up for how you're feeling about your sister, it's understandable that you would be thinking like this right now.

If you can access counselling through your clinic I would recommend going for a session, we went and found it helpful just talking to someone to say out loud how we really felt without having to sugar coat it for family and friends. For me it was the start of getting stronger, though I'm still working on it every day. Lots of love to you - take care x x x


I've been in a similar boat my youngest sister announced she was pregnant shortly after me and my husbands failed IVF she doesn't have a boyfriend and the pregnancy was accidental: I took it really badly and cried the whole night after I found out my eyes were literally like golf balls the next morning I felt angry confused and like life is very unfair. She is 17 weeks now and I can't say it's easy I find it really difficult when relatives are talking about her pregnancy etc. But I have found counselling has helped though and just give yourself a break if you do feel down as its normal and it doesn't make you a bad person in any way. Xxxx


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