Feeling very down 😢😢😢

[Amanda86]

I'm feeling so low since our second failed IVF last week.

I know it's normal but I feel like maybe I'm depressed? I'm not sure.

My moods are quite low. Nothing excites me. We booked a holiday and I don't feel excited. I can't explain it, it's just like nothing is making me happy.

I feel awful for my partner, he suffers from depression and I'm continually snapping at him and giving him a hard time over nothing. Obviously because he's the closest thing to me I take it all out on him and I know it's not right.

I feel let down by some friends. It was a friend who I only meet a few times a year who text me most throughout this second chemical pregnancy, my best friend I haven't heard from in a week. She's the one I thought would have been there for me and I just feel like this journey is showing who my true friends are?

My pregnant friend is telling me I'll feel better in time and will be ready to go through it all again. Yeah I will, but how does she know? She's never faced anything like this. I know people try to be kind but I hate how some things people say makes you just want to slap them!! My dad and sisters haven't even been in touch much. Ire like nobody thinks it's a big deal but it is to me.

Sorry for the rant but this is the only place I can come for a rant where people truly understand

[Beanme]

So sorry you are going through this right now. The emotions you are feeling are real and you are entitled to feel a miriade of them, I went through anger, guilt, sadness, low energy, loss of interest in everything but it wont last forever. Some days will be better. If you feel it goes on for a few weeks its always wise to speak fo a counsellor. Be patient with yourself but also try and be kind to your partner as he might be feeling upset too. Try and talk with each other and plan things to do like go for a meal. Getting out of the house is the main thing. Try not to be too upset with friends and family, they are in the dark with what youre going through and while their intensions may be good their actions and words might come across as annoying. Reach out and tell them how youre feeling, have a cup of tea. It will get better, and if you want a rant we are always here for you xxx

[Amanda86 in reply to Beanme]

Thanks for your reply. I think because after my first miscarriage and then my first chemical pregnancy I didn't feel this bad. Obviously I was gutted but I just kind of had the onwards and upwards attitude.

But this time it's different. It's like all the grief I didn't let myself feel after the first 2 has hit me at once.

I've just lost all hope at the moment. I know I'll go through treatment again but I don't want to 😔

I'm so grateful for this website. It's great having people to chat to who understand xxx

[Tugsgirl in reply to Amanda86]

I feel the same way about having another round. I don't want to. I can't and won't get excited and I'll go through the motions but I know I'll do it xx

[Beanme in reply to Amanda86]

I know exactly what you mean. I too have found this forum excellent. This was my first IVF round and hadnt mentioned it to anyone so without all of you I would have felt very isolated. Hopefully in time our time will come!!!

[pm27]

It's OK to feel down after a massive disappointment. Give it some more time and allow yourself to grieve. It's rubbish at present, try to be kind to yourself. I find it useful to think what would I tell a really good friend if they were in this situation.

With regards to others they probably have very little idea if what we have to go through and still get a BFN. The only way they might undestand is if you tell them, it's of course up to you if you do or don't enlighten them. They might not know what to say so might be avoiding contacting you. Your partner will be alright, I assume that usually you're not snapping at him, perhaps try telling him how you feel, say sorry and give him a hug. He'll be disappointed abiut the BFN too.

[Amanda86 in reply to pm27]

Thanks for your reply. Your right a lot of people probably don't know what to say and I guess avoiding the issue is easier for them.

Yeah my partner is just as gutted as me and I think he probably does realise I'm not meaning to be snappy with him. I guess it's just my mood just now.

Hopefully I'll be feeling better in a few weeks. I've decided to join slimming world, ideally would like to loose a stone for my holiday and it gives me something else to focus on other than IVF 😊 xxx

[pm27 in reply to Amanda86]

Good for you another focus is a good idea. Plus you'll feel better and look fab in your holiday snaps. I've just restarted a sensible eating programme to be able to (comfortably) wear a dress I have for a friend's birthday celebration in July. I lost half stone before Christmas and have another half stone to lose.

[Amanda86 in reply to pm27]

Well done that's great 😀 it's definitely good having something else to focus your attention on and healthy eating is definitely a good thing to choose I'd say! Xxx

[anna0908]

I just wanted to say I think your feelings are completely normal for someone going through this process and can relate to a lot of what you say. I've definitely had periods of little interest/excitement and looking back I think it was depression. This is one of the most stressful things that can be thrown at you in life and although I feel I have some good friends, I know they don't really get it or understand how painful the repeated hope and loss is. I did find seeing a counsellor at my clinic helped - it didn't take away the pain but did help me understand that pain and that it is ok to feel the way I do. I also found I had positive times inbetween and feel I just have to ride the emotions at time. Hope you find something that will help you through this incredibly difficult process xxx

[Amanda86 in reply to anna0908]

Thank you so much. I might consider counselling. I'm someone who's not very good with emotions. I don't cry often and hate when I do (don't know why) and sometimes I worry that if I start I'll never stop.

I feel like I do need something though. Currently I'm already thinking the next cycle will be a failure and it's not the way to be thinking.

Your right it's very stressful and I guess all of us can only take so much before it really does start to affect us 😞 xxx

[Tugsgirl]

Initially my friends were great, well three out of four of them were. One has been very quiet and not what I'd call supportive though she does have a lot going on with her Mum being ill.. when I miscarried these friends cried too (well they said they did). In the last two weeks however, only one has asked if I'm ok. She's having her 8 month old christened tomorrow and I'd originally said we'd go but I can't face it now. She seems a bit put out, though at first she said she understood. She said "There won't be many babies there" haha!! It's like they think I should be back to normal now? I feel like I'm boring them or something.

The day before my D and C while I was at the hospital having tests all day I had a phone call from my Mum to tell me she'd spoken to my Dad. (Long story short; they're divorced, a long long time ago, my Dad doesn't really bother with myself or my Brother, he's never there for us, isn't at all loving and even though he lives and works near us, we never see him). So my Mum (who's been as supportive as she can and I love with all my heart) says that my Dad had said "What have I got to be sorry for? It's not my fault the baby died". Omg. I sat outside the hospital while waiting for my prescription to be ready and I could literally feel the anger pulsing through my body. I told Mum I had to go and then I rang my Dad and disowned him. I told him I want nothing more to do with him. Ever. I sobbed. I didn't care who was staring at me. I've never ever been so angry and hurt and rejected, not even by my ex husband who broke my heart! I thought Dad would protest, fight for me, but he barely responded. It's taken this to finally realise that he just doesn't care.

Anyway.. I'm not saying you should disown anyone, far from it. But what I am saying is keep your distance from negative people. You need support and understanding right now and I hope you have some people in your life who can give you that, even if it's only your OH. If not, there's always us on here.

Look after yourself xx

Vicky

[Amanda86 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thank you so much Vicky and so sorry for what you've been through too. That's a really awful story about your dad and I'm really sorry to hear it 😞 it's bad enough going through IVF, having losses and then all that on top of it.

I have a similar situation with my mum, we aren't in contact because let's say she prefers alcohol to her family. I think not having a mum figure for me has been difficult. My partners mum was great the first time and she is like my mum but then we found out she had told a few people about our treatment after asking her not to so the second time she didn't find out until we had the chemical pregnancy. So annoying how you can't trust people your close to.

That's really awful what your friend said and like you say it's as if they just think you should be fine now. I actually feel the same as you, I feel as if my friends are bored with my treatment now.

Your so right though and I do feel as if my partner is the only person who really gives me support and all the girls on here are great too.

I couldn't cope without this forum! Xxx

[Tugsgirl in reply to Amanda86]

Me neither. I can honestly say no one else understands the pain of infertility xx

[Hidden]

Awww dear .sorry for your pain.this journey is so hard and most people even those who love us dont understand or dont know how to help.what you are feeling is absolutely normal .and its part of the healing process to go through all those emotions.i wish you the very best .taking it one day at a time helps deal with the emptiness .hugs to you .

[Amanda86 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I'm reassured knowing that everything I'm feeling is normal and I hope in a few weeks time I'll be feeling a little more like myself again. Xxx

[ditsy999]

Hi Amanda how you're feeling is totally normal, I went through these feelings and thoughts after my failed cycle. Just give yourself time. It might be an idea to talk to a counsellor, it might help. Sometimes its good to talk to someone you don't know. Keep strong, big hugs x

[Amanda86 in reply to ditsy999]

Thank you xxx

[Anniej36]

I know exactly how you are feeling. I had my 1st and only round of ivf last year that didn't work. It was hearbreaking. I feel like iv been going through a grieving process the past few months. When I think I feel better bang it hits me again. People very nice at the start but now it's just forgotten about which sometimes is not a bad thing I have to move on but it would be nice for people to ac knowledge it sometimes. Iv lost a lot of friends and feel work has also turned into everyone meeting up with there children. Iv never felt so alone in my whole life. I really hope things get easier for you . I understand you will be scared to go through another round and it's very hard to be positive but I'm sure you will find the strength when you are ready xxx

[Amanda86 in reply to Anniej36]

Thanks Annie and so sorry for what you've also been through. It's such a tough journey.

Please don't ever feel alone. I know how hard it is but if you ever need a chat come on here. I'm happy to chat as will all the other girls be. Wouldn't ever want you to feel like you didn't have anyone to speak with.

I understand what your saying, I'm the only one of my friends now who has no children. I don't get invited to the children parties, I understand why but it still hurts. I'm left out of many conversations because it's all baby chat. It's so hard but this forum helps me to keep strong 😊

I am scared to try again and I know when I go through IVF again I won't be excited at all. Which is so horrible but I can't help that after all this.

Take care and I'm here if you ever need to chat 😘 xxx

[Hidden]

its fine to feel disappointed as you had your heart set on it being the one and had started planning for what things would be like when you had a baby and then no it isn't happening is like a slap in the face and it hurts as you got your hopes up and your dreams were shattered when it all went wrong.

[Amanda86 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the reply 😘 This was a while ago, today was embryo transfer day so hoping for better luck this time 🤞 Xxx