Feeling low

Hi girls, hope your all ok.

I'm feeling a bit low & just wanted some one to talk to.

I'm currently not working at the moment as I wanted to put everything into IVF but it keeps getting put further & further back so I'm finding I have too much time on my hands and I'm getting quite depressed. My dad passed away last year and it's all I can think about most days, I've had counselling and then as soon as I started to feel better I had to have my tube removed and everything went down hill.

My old job has offered for me to come back part time and I don't know if I should go back or wait til after the IVF. The job is working in a nursery and I don't know if it's the right environment as it obvs around babies and lots of pregnant staff. It also can be physically draining & stressful when it's very busy and I don't want to jeapodise the IVF working. But then at the same time I don't think it's good for me being at home all the time and it would be easy to slot back in somewhere familiar for just just a couple days a week to keep me occupied. My heads just a bit of a mess and I can't decide what to do for the best. 😒 Xx

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  • Hi there Butterfly, you poor thing. It sounds like everything has got on top of you and having too much time to think about things. Does your IVF clinic not offer free counselling? Most do so maybe that's an option to consider? Also, instead of heading back to a job that will surround you with babies and pregnant ladies, have you thought about taking up a hobby? Or maybe some form of activity like the gym or swimming? Release some good endorphins? Also I found accupuncture was amazing for me when I was going through the treatment! I am currently on the 2ww and managing to cope quite well even though I am off work with lots of time on my hands. I have been doing some home improvements and spent time with family and friends. You just need something else to think about even if it's just for a bit of the day as too much thinking will end up getting you too down and in a state you don't want to be in before you start your treatment.

    I have read some really good self help books aswell and listened to relaxation CD's. The Zita West book is good, and there are plenty more on iBooks or Amazon.

    Do you know when your IVF treatment is going to actually start?

    Sending you lots of hugs πŸ’ž

  • Thank you 😘

    Yes we get a few free sessions of counselling, we've had our first one but now we have to wait until at least September before we can start as they found a large cyst so I guess the counselling won't be offered until we are ready to start again.

    I did think about going to the doctor but im worried if he prescribes anti depressants it will affect my treatment and they might think I'm not stable enough. I think I've just got into a rut and as you say everything's got on top of me.

    I have been working out a lot as I wanted to get my BMI down a bit and it has really helped me but I've only been doing fitness DVDs at home and maybe I should push myself to go to some classes I've just lost some confidence.

    Oh really yes I've heard acupuncture is good, are you off work just for the 2 weeks or for the whole process? I'll keep everything crossed for you Hun xx

  • I can totally relate to you as we had some hurdles along the way and you just feel like it's never going to start and then all of a sudden it does and then that's it, before you know it you've done the treatment and you're waiting for the pregnancy test and you wonder where the time has gone! And honestly I now think back and wonder why I got myself so worked up at times. I've obviously not got my positive yet but a few months ago I completely changed my mindset and everything seemed to feel 'OK'

    What have they said they will do with the cyst? I have one on my left ovary but they didn't seem concerned and went ahead with treatment anyway.

    The best thing I try to do when everything has got on top of me is to deal with one thing at a time, get yourself strong again and ready to fight for what you are doing all this for.....being a mummy. It's easier said than done but try and read positive things, take each day as it comes and let your body do what it needs to. You're more than entitled to feel down and upset with everything you have gone through and what you are going through so don't be too hard on yourself and think that you need GP help. You're not going insane, and you are absolutely 100% stable to get this far as it's the toughest thing to deal with. I defintitely recommend accupuncture, it's great!! My mum always said to me, if you don't know what to do them don't do anything at all and I think that's good advice because if you throw yourself back into working at the nursery, it could knock you as you aren't ready or strong enough to see other pregnant ladies and the babies etc.

    I have been off work for the whole month of treatment and this 2ww! I just felt it was best to save any stress and concentrate on myself. It's all a waiting game and out of your control and that's the worst thing isn't it. September is 4 - 6 weeks away so try and give yourself some time now to get your mind strong again and ready to take it on. Have your clinic said you are definitely starting your treatment in Sept? Xx

  • Thank you so much for your advice it means a lot πŸ’•

    Ive been referred to a gynaecologist & got an apt next week so I'm not sure if they'll be able to drain it as its 6 cm, and a few other cysts on my other ovary.

    I'm worried they'll be a long waiting list if I need it removed through key hole.

    The IVF clinic said they can't do anything until sept as the consultant is off but that I need to get the cyst sorted first and when that's all sorted they'll put me at the top of the list again xx

  • Hi butterfly

    Sorry about your dad 😒 I can understand where your coming from with work. I work in a nursery and we were 5 years ttc and I used to think the nursery would be a good substitute and I would get my 'fix' of time with babies and toddlers and it would be good for me. It was actually the opposite, half the mums were expecting and it made it very difficult putting on a happy face when the bumps turned into Prams and everyone cooing over the newborns. Made me want it even more πŸ˜” And your right, it's a draining environment to be in, is there any way you can just do part time there to phase yourself in? I've pondered doing a few hours in our local charity shop, they are always asking for help. you could think about something like that and with it being voluntary if you needed time off for treatment it's no big deal, I think it's good to stay in the loop with people as I found after I took a year off with my son i almost got a bit agrophobic. I always get involved in Macmillan coffee morning, and my dad has just had a cancer diagnosis so it's even more important to me now, so I'm looking forward to getting stuck in with that 😊 That keeps me nice and busy 😊Did you mention you had a tube removed? I've only got one ovary. And we're 19 weeks with our 3rd now, so don't give up hope 😊 Xxxx

  • Thanks Hun.

    Yes that's the problem it's hard not to feel envious and there's already about 5 girls there who are expecting or just had babies & that's what puts me off going back, but I'm so bored at home and don't know what else to do to keep my mind off things. I just thought it'd be easier then looking for a new job as they know me and would hopefully be more understanding of I needed time off for appointments etc.

    They said I could possibly do 2 days a week as a lady is going on maternity leave soon so I could take her hours.

    Yes I know someone that volunteered in a charity shop and they loved it do would def be a good idea.

    Sorry to hear about your dads diagnosis,they can do so much these days my mother in law has just got into remission after being told it wasn't likely so there's always hope.The Macmillan coffee morning is a lovely thing to do.

    Yes I had to have my left Fallopian tube removed last year & they said the other one is blocked as well so my only chance is IVF.

    Oh really that's good to hear did you have IVF for all of them? Xxx

  • No first 2 we had with no problems at all, then we were over 5 years ttc #3 it was only when I started fertility treatment after 3 years and had a hysterocscopy and egg count they discovered only one ovary. So we were sooooooo lucky with my boys. Then it flagged up my thyroid was underactive and stopping me ovulating. Then my husband had routine sperm analysis done and his motility was 3% so we were under so much stress it nearly destroyed our marriage. So we stopped trying, and a month later by the grace of God we found ourselves with a bfp. So I don't even know If I ovulated every month or not with only one side to go off.

    I feel like a curse to my dad as I was 20 weeks pregnant with my first son when he got prostate cancer and now here we are exactly 10 years later and he's facing skin cancer.

    If you can do a couple of days at the nursery and they are understanding about it that's great. Go for it xxx

  • It seems that I've had the longest cycle ever so I know what it means to keep having delays. I always thought it was injections, EC, then ET, then 2WW all close together - how wrong I was.

    It seems that working may be a useful distraction. Is there another job you could do though cos working with kids all day could be tough.

    x

  • Hey butterfly

    I get what it means to have a bad day and be bored!

    I work from home and I love my job but since we had our failed cycle in May my mind just wanders off in various directions and my concentration level is zero! It seems all I think about is IVF and the next stage what if this and what if that... Constantly.

    Sometimes it's good to just have a rant and let it all out. We are mid way through our fet with our one and only Frostie and worrying daily about thaw rates and if it's going to be ok. Trying to plan when it'll be ( oh has been told he has to work on the day I thought it would be so now stressing about that, he needs to be with me but as yet don't know the dates or even if we will get there) so it's a complete mind mash up. With our first cycle it was exiting and unknown and I actually looked forward to injecting everyday as it was a step closer, i enjoyed my smoothies and eating loads of protein as I felt like I was helping and like I had a purpose. Since it failed the waiting to start again has been so hard and with everyday at home alone with just my dogs for company the days have seriously dragged.

    But last week we made a plan to do something every week and to get out at least once a week to help me break out of this cycle.

    So we did the cinema last week. We are going for a lovely steak tomorrow, the theatre to see wicked on Tuesday then that's another week over!!!

    If you can face going to work even if it's only 2 days a week it'll help you with the brain drain! I've consciously worked hard this week, I'm in top of my emails and making money, as were self funding every little helps and it's no good sitting at home, googling and earning nothing. I gave myself a good talking too last week and I'm feeling much better.

    Sorry for the essay but you are not alone in this and honestly it does take over our lives. It's so important that it's only natural for us to feel like this sometimes.

    Good luck whatever you decide to do

    Holly xx

  • Thanks for your reply. Yes I think the key is to keep busy and have things to look forward to.

    That's ok rant away it's good to get it all out and feels good to know I'm not alone or going crazy. It's nice to be able to talk to people on here as some of my friends just don't get it & I can't really talk to them about it as they don't really understand and feel awkward.

    Good luck to you to hun keep me updated xx

  • Hi Butterfly, it sounds like you're having a really hard time at the moment :( The IVF waiting game is hard as it is but when you're still dealing with other things I think it can heighten all of our emotions.

    I think it's a great idea getting involved in something a couple of days a week but possibly the nursery environment may not be the best one from what you've described. Is there a possibility that you could volunteer somewhere for a short time? That could help take your mind off things while you're also make a contribution to something. It could be a really good distraction for you. I took two weeks off for our treatment and I found that hard, I think routine is really good for our brains to understand and help us feel comfortable.

    If there are any counselling services you could access I think this might be a great idea too. It can give you chance to talk about how you're feeling about where you are with the IVF process as well as talking about your Dad so that those feelings aren't overwhelming when you're on your own.

    You've always got everyone here too, everyone is so supportive and can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I hope you start to feel brighter again soon. Lots of love x x x

  • Thank you that means a lot 😘

    I feel better already just letting it all out and trading all your lovely advice.

    I paid to have grief counselling last year as I was struggling to deal with it as it was so sudden and the waiting list was long on the NHS. But now all this has happened I feel back to square one again. We have a few counselling sessions with the IVF clinic but I guess it's only to talk about the IVF process etc.

    I will def look into volunteering as it seems the best option at the moment. Thanks again xxx

  • Hi!!

    Have you tried yoga or any form of light exercise?I would advise that you keep busy by doing things that you like doing. I'm also on holiday from work and I find that doing things keeps my mind occupied. All the best!!! X

  • Hi butterfly

    I can really relate to your feelings because I took redundancy last year from a very stressful job in child protection because I thought it would be the best situation to go through IVF in (I've also worked in nurseries some years ago so I understand that too) Well, at first it was great, no stress, lunch with friends, time to go to hospital appointments without the stress of being away from work long etc, but like you I soon became very bored, fed up, felt very low and 'useless' and some days felt endless till my hubby got home.

    Anyway, I started volunteering with 2 different organisations a few times a week and it's made everything so much better for me, it's only a career break but I'll honestly really miss the volunteering when I return to work (in a different field but I've no idea what yet!)

    Everyone is different but I'd definitely recommend volunteering if you can afford a career break, its a way to keep busy, have your mind on something other than IVF (this drove me demented during my first IVF cycle) give to others and learn new things. There's a good website called do-it.org with lots of opportunities, you can search your area and what you're interested in. Lots of luck xxx

  • Yep that exactly how I feel, I always thought I'd love to not work and at first it was great but it soon becomes boring and lonely, esp when most of your friends etc are at work.

    My partner keeps reminding me that's it's not forever and I'm doing it for a reason but its still getting me down. I think I need to get back into some sort of routine so will def Look into volunteering. Thank you 😘 Xx

  • Your words are like reading my own story Hun 😳 My hubby has also said its not forever many a time but I think people just can't get how lonely and bleak it can be to have all this time on your hands at such a traumatic time in your life. Then you feel guilty that you're even able to take time off when many couldn't...

    I've always imagined it'd be amazing not to have to work, especially on particularly stressful days but it's definitely not always all it's cracked up to be. I also found I lost a lot of my identity, even though I had had enough of that particular job! It's the same with my friends, those that don't work are at home because they are full time mums and that can be hard too.

    It can be daunting to launch yourself into something new at a time like this but it's honestly been a saviour for me, everyone I've met volunteering is so nice and there's just not the same pressure as work for obvious reasons so it's been ideal at this time.

    I really hope you find something that works for you, keep us posted and I hope there's much better days to come xx

  • I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. The nursery may not be a bad idea to occupy your mind and get some income in. However I would suggest you share your concerns with the right person there confidentially of course and only if you are comfortable in doing so. What I feel helps m is writing. Writing down my thoughts, feelings etc. A diary. Just an idea. This is my coping mechanism so to speak. Please look after your health. Please keep in touch xx

  • Thank you for your reply.

    Yes I agree about the writing I often write things down just to get them off my chest.

    I have an appointment on tues to see the gynaecologist so will decide what to do from there and keep in touch 😘 Xx

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