My best friend who is completely and totally amazing, cried tonight and told me she was 9 weeks pregnant. She knows all about our struggles with fertility and being on the IVF waiting list and has been there for me through it all. Even when my brother and sister in law have been extremely insensitive and in some ways cruel after falling pregnant one month after their wedding which completely tore me apart... Especially given that I found out by complete accident and had to pretend I didn't know (Ironically three pregnany tests in the bathroom bin as I was using it for my sanitary items). My best friend is just the best but I can't believe it's their turn and not ours. And I just feel completely isolated now. 😔😔
I suppose I'm just using this post to moan...
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Itsalongjourney26
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Hun you moan moan moan all you want!! Announcements take it's toll on us and can chip away bit by bit. Having a place to share honestly how you're feeling is important.. and I guess you would normally confide in your best friend for this so I can imagine your wondering how your relationship may change as her bump gets bigger and bigger. I recently had a very close friend that I was taking to but him and his wife found out they're pregnant which is amazing for them (it's their 2nd) and they are such lovely people, but I can already feel myself holding back from talking about my own situation because I don't want to take the excitement away from him if you know what I mean? I also really don't want him to feel uncomfortable given my situation is now the complete opposite to our own so I'm trying to work through how this should all go! It's tough stuff. It's understandable with this news your e feeling isolated so glad you have come on here to share how you're feeling and get support. I find that I'm feeling more and more envious of people that are pregnant as time goes on, and jealousy or envy isn't a trait I normally hold. Accepting that you're feeling how your feeling is tough but so so important. Hope you're doing ok and perhaps had a little cry about it to let your emotions out xxx
Thank you for your reply. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one. We've been best friends since we were four and live a minute walk away from each other. She is due when we are due to start IVF which is extremely difficult to accept.
The closest people to me are expecting now and it just feels so overwhelming and I feel completely powerless.
Thank you for making me feel a little less crazy xx
Yep! Us ladies like to be in control of everything and this makes this poxy process all the more difficult because we literally aren't in control of our bodies, our emotions, time waiting for appointments, other people's announcements, etc etc!!! It's going to be a tough road ahead by the sounds.. her being due when you are due to start IVF.. wow, that's tough but on the flip side.. some people conceive when they are on the waiting list so a mixture of shitty emotions and positive pants are going to be needed during these next few months!! You can't be all positive and you can't live life feeling all negative so plenty of YOU time to be planned in, perhaps book your time together in cleverly (perhaps avoiding PMS time lol) and maybe a few plans with your OH whether that be a trip away or just day trips Or nice walks etc .. each to their own! Powerless and uncontrol are the hardest emotions to manage because you just can't! Your powerless and out of control lol but you can manage what you do to distract yourself during these times, or what you can do to look after yourself during these times.
Ugh the situation is just shitty my dear. Your not crazy, your mourning what someone else has got and what you haven't- it's natural and it's a process. It sounds as though your such good friends though so her sensitivity with it all is hopefully going to be very helpful during the coming months .. imagine if she didn't know and you were so close!! We're all here for you if you need us xx
Just wanted to send big hugs , we totally get it so moan away, this journey is so hard and seems to through things at you when your least expecting it.
2 of my sister in laws announced there pregnancys in a week 😟 it just totally crushed me, of course delighted for them just devastated for myself.
I’ve been there, it’s such a difficult situation. My friend and my sister both fell pregnant whilst I had fertility issues and I broke down and cried when both of them told me the news. After a week or so, you do begin to accept it and get used to the idea but it isn’t easy. You will get there too one day. Wishing you all the best x
I’ve been there, almost exactly the same my best friend knew all about our struggles and has been a fab support then got pregnant 2 months into trying. She said telling me was the hardest thing she had to do and watching her be pregnant was so difficult, we are still great friends and I’m Godmother to her son but it hasn’t been easy. Sending you strength and positive thoughts xx
Sending massive hugs. No matter how close the pregnant lady / couple are, the news is always difficult. It is a weird situatin where logical , your head is telling you that the news is unintended and that they care/are aware of your situation but your emotions are just devastated. These emotions just need to come out - don't fight it and just cry cry cry - and make sure you have plenty tissues and comfort food . Big hugs x
You're so brave. This is something I think about all the time. Two of my best friends are both a few years younger than me and I naively thought that I would fall pregnant before them. They are both now at that point in their lives, where I just know they will be trying soon and it breaks my heart that they will announce their pregnancy. I know it is not a race. And they are both so lovely and would be absolutely sensitive but I do still dread it. The worst thing is that I work with them both and I have no idea how I would cope seeing them every day.
I can't offer any advice, but I do feel for you. Sending you lots of hugs + love xxx
Aww bless you. I've not had the untimely pregnancy announcements. Think it's mainly from working in a male dominated environment, being so old and not having a large family.
I really struggled telling my friend i was pregnant as she had been trying for a year which ended in a chemical pregnancy that then caused a whole host of complications as the dnc damaged her uterus and they thought she could never carry a baby. She congratulated me and said she just needed to cut contact. Although i was devastated and didn't expect that response but it was what she needed to do to protect herself so gave her that space. If moaning on here protects you then you moan and even rant away x
You are absolutely entitled to rant and feel upset. It is completely legitimate. My friend sends me photos of her baby accompanied by captions saying: “I have never felt love like this. I am madly in love”.....it makes me feel jealous and that life is so unfair, which it is.
You just have to remember that this is a journey. Some people’s journeys are short (like your friend), others are longer (like ours)....but with determination we will get there xx
I feel exactly the same. Had about 10 pregnancy announcements in 2 months. The latest one was one of my best friends. It’s been about 2 weeks but I still think about it all the time and it keeps me awake in the middle of the night. It’s just so unfair. She’s been married 2 months. I’ve been TTC 2 years. No matter how she broke it to me it would have been difficult and I’m not sure how the pregnancy will affect us. Top it off my sister is going to start trying soon. No wear to turn for babies and bumps. It’s just so emotionally exhausting.
I can completely relate to this, its heartbreaking to hear announcement after announcement when thats all we really want but it doesn't come as easily to some of us. You're not alone in feeling like this, its completely normal. I try to block it out and focus on my own journey but it does still get me emotionally from time to time. Its particularly hard to deal with when its those closest to you. If you need to take time out or distance yourself slightly then im sure people will understand. I hope you get your positive soon x
Hey, I can understand how you might be feeling. Even my own best friend just had her fisr baby and I had to go to congratulate her. It was one of the most difficult things to do. However, I didn't really have a choice. Just know that you're not alone in this. We all are in this together. Hard days do come. However, I am sure good days will overpower the bad ones.
Hey just want to give you big hugs! It is so hard and you cry all you want to. I’ve heard people say remember it’s not her baby you want it’s your own but I don’t think it makes it easier.
When we were doing our ivf, my best friend had just got married and I was dreading finding out she was pregnant. It all just feels unfair. Even now when we were lucky enough to get pregnant on our second round, shes due a few weeks after me. I have to admit I felt a bit of resentment at how easy it was for her 🙈. I don’t know if the struggle ever leaves you.
Thanks so so much for all your supportive comments ladies. I've had a manic few days with work (I'm a teacher) which I think has helped me have a few days of distance and not dwelling over it too much because my mind and time has been elsewhere.
Our time hasn't arrived yet and I will just have to hope and pray and get myself fully ready for our ICSI cycle.
You've really helped take away the isolating feeling associated with TTC woes.
It’s so hard isn’t it. In one week , my sister , cousin and cousins wife all announced there pregnancy. I was the only young person on that side of the family not to be preganant , and I had just discovered I wasn’t pregnant ( after thinking I was ) and we would need a referral to fertility. That was over a year ago now. Now I have a gorgeous nephew who I see almost every day and who I adore although in the beginning it was so hard to talk to my sister ( we were never close ) I have supportive friends but they are more interested in partying and I feel they don’t want me out of that scene either if I fall pregnant.
Don’t distance yourself from your best friend , like you said she has been there for you , she deserves to enjoy her pregnancy without feeling guilt / worry that she will upset you , you both need to support each other. I wish I had a best friend like that 😀 she will also be feeling isolated xx
I completely agree with that. We are still as close as ever because I've just had to swallow my feelings. She is so supportive and as much as it kills me I take an interest in her pregnancy and ask her how she is all the time because at the end of the day, if/when our time comes then I would love for her to do the same.
Totally understandable. I’ve done the whole false smile thing when there’s been an announcement, then gone home and cried. Then felt guilty for feeling jealous and felt like a bad person. And cried some more.
Jealousy isn’t a nice emotion and like grief, doesn’t have any constructive purpose. But with both I think it’s important not to try and suppress them as they can eat you up if you don’t release them in some way.
Look after yourself and plan something for you. Maybe something with your partner that you couldn’t do if you were pregnant, like a jacuzzi or sports or a day at the pub!
You’re totally normal for feeling this way and I’m sending you big hugs xxxx
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so glad you have come on here to share how you're feeling and get support. I find that I'm feeling more and more envious of people that are pregnant as time goes on, and jealousy or envy isn't a trait I normally hold. Accepting that you're feeling how your feeling is tough but so so important. Hope you're doing ok and perhaps had a little cry about it to let your emotions out xxx
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