How can I stop feeling so low? - Fertility Network UK

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How can I stop feeling so low?


Went to see fertility specialist for 1st time a couple of weeks ago after ttc for 18 mths and since I've been so low, on the verge of tears constantly. I know this is the 1st step and I should be excited for the possibility but in the appointment he as much as congratulated my other half on his excellent sperm and without saying made it clear the issue is with me.

I would like to think I am rational. My gorgeous partner has told me it is not my fault and that these things happen, but there is something there constantly making me feel low. I can't even explain what exactly is making me feel like this but whatever it is I can't shake it. I can't talk to friends or family because I don't know what exactly it is never mind what to say. I have taken to extreme comfort eating which is not like me. I haven't been exercising which I normally love and I am exhausted all the time. I'm not pregnant and have recent finished my period so its not AF.

I am a people manager and currently have to manage a pregnant lady and I can't be happy for her and I hate myself for it as she is so happy and it is not her fault what is happening to me.

Can anybody give me anything to help me feel better and get out of this mindset? My friends and family know what is happening and try to cheer me up by telling me everything will be OK but that is not helping and I am worried my upset and stress is making it even harder to conceive.

Sorry for going on. I am not great at sharing my problems but this is affecting every part of my life and I don't know what to do. I feel so lost

18 Replies

Heyy. Its absolutely normal to feel that way. Especially in your first steps into ivf. I never even thought i will have to fo through that bit here we are i already had one cycle cancelled but im more positive and stronger than ever. It's been 3 years and now seems like ages, hundreds of ovulation tests and pregnancy tests, lots of tears, 2 miscarriages, lots of pregnancy announcements, i bought so many baby clothes for friend's babies...

We ahve the chance to conceive even through ivf that's the main thing. There are so many women out there who can't so we mustbe grateful for all the options we have. Don't put yourself down but find a way to look at the things in a positive way! This journey can bring you lots of stress and anxiety but think about the outcome! Yes, we will have difficult days, we will have struggles and tears but will be all worth at the end!

Do not blame yourself it's just how things are and we cant change them but accept and fight for what we want! 😍😊🤗

Im with pcos, low progesterone, damaged tube, hubby sperm is great but we are in it together! It is not our fault it's nobody's fault! We will get our babies just made in a lab that's the only difference everything else will be the same.

Sooo put your head up, fill your life and days with positivity and believe, never lose hope 😍😍😍 Great things are going to happen to us 😍🤗😊

Sending lots of hugs 😍😊🤗xxx

ClaireTh in reply to Klndmr

Thank you for replying. To be honest it felt good to just say someone and say I can't explain what it is. My gorgeous partner gets so upset seeing me like this and I want to tell him I can't help it, it just is. I'm going to try and keep visualising the positives and try not to get mad if I have an off day.

Sending hugs to you and hope we both get what we are wishing for soon xxx

Klndmr in reply to ClaireTh

It's good to share how you feel. Always when i share here with the other ladies i feel much better.

My husband always says that for him is enough to see me happy and the only thing that makes him sad is my sadness.

We will get theree 😍😊🤗 Keep smiling xxxxx and besy of luck hun xx

It’s a fine balance. Don’t guilt trip yourself for feeling low. It’s allowed! You are going through so much and sometimes it’s tough to feel positive. BUT there are things to be positive about. You’ve made a big step forward seeing specialist and who knows what could happen in the next year. In the meantime focus on some dates with your partner. And take the fertility stuff one step at a time.

Thank you xx

This is a really difficult journey, but you've taken the first step, which is very positive, and all you can do now is take one step at a time.

Fertility investigations do tend to focus on the woman, simply because we're much more complicated anatomically and there are more things that need to be looked at, so don't feel like the 'blame' is being put on you. And please listen to your partner- he sounds really supportive and you have to remember that you're a team and you're facing this challenge together.

The comfort eating and lack of enthusiasm for things you normally enjoy sound as if you maybe have a bit of depression, maybe you could think about talking to a counselor about the way you're feeling? Difficulty conceiving is very stressful and it can play hell with all different aspects of your life, so don't be afraid to look for support, whether that's from professionals, friends and family or from the amazing women on this forum.

Once again, you're on the right track to get what you want. It may take a while but you'll get there in the end, so keep your chin up xxx

Sorry to hear you’re feeling low. There’s so much to deal with on this journey, it can be so tough at times. Maybe you’re coming to terms with the idea of needing fertility treatment? We were ttc for over 2 years before we went to the dr - guess I just kept thinking ‘surely it will happen’. It takes some adjustment when you go and seek help. But it’s a really positive step, don’t forget that 😊

In the immediate term could you set yourself small goals to do some exercise for your own wellbeing and enjoyment? Maybe with a friend to help get you motivated? Even just a walk in fresh air makes me feel so much better within myself.

Talking to a friend or counsellor also great for extra support.

Sending hugs xx 😘

Awh lovely, this is exactly how I felt after my 1st appointment. I fell apart. Totally surprised even myself how badly I reacted. I used to get teary at work & dash to the loo to pull myself together. I now know I was grieving, the loss of my dreams, of not being able to conceive naturally and in my case potentially not with my own eggs. It was devastating. I think I may have been a bit depressed to be honest. I’ve always been very in control of everything in my life and suddenly I’d lost that control. I felt useless. I don’t know the details of the outcome of your consultation but maybe it’s the same for you, are you grieving the loss of not being able to conceive naturally?

I too lost all motivation to exercise & comfort ate. In fact, that sums up most of last year for me. I found it so tough. I took up yoga which really helped calm my mind. Meditation really helps as well as music. This is odd but I started to listen to classical music which for some reason just makes me feel calm. I listen to this mainly at work in my headphones. My advice to you is to be kind to yourself, let yourself feel this way, find a way to ‘let it out’. And most importantly find a way to care for yourself emotionally & mentally.

Without a shadow of a doubt this group has been my lifeline. There is an amazing group of warriors on here all supporting each other in our unique fertility journeys. They have picked me up from the lowest of days, given me hope when I couldn’t find any and put a smile on my face on days when I thought I’d never smile again. We are here for you too!

Take it one day at a time, give yourself something else to look forward to rather then just the next ivf appointment. Pop a few fun things in the diary that can easily be moved if needed eg trip to cinema, that walk in the nearby wood you’ve always wanted to do or that town or villlage you’ve driven through and thought ‘oh I’d like to come back here for a visit’, do a day trip etc...,

Big hugs to you my lovely and wishing you all the luck in the world


So sorry to hear you’ve been feeling so low. Like everyone else says you’re totally allowed to feel like that and we have all been there! I was in the same situation as you last year and one of my staff was pregnant, we are the same age and I constantly got comments of “oh it’ll be you next” and it used to break my heart! I also used to do anything to change the subject when she started talking about babies and your right it makes you feel totally guilty as it wasn’t her fault!

One of the best things my doctor said to me was “WHEN you have a baby....” the fact that he didn’t use the word IF was such a big thing for me. This will be the same for you, it will happen it’s just going to take longer everyone else. This group has been so big for me too and I love reading everyone’s stories and willingness to be so supportive to each other so reach out whenever you need it. I still have really low days as I feel everything is taking so long but I’ve thought to myself this is the card I have been dealt and no amount of feeling low is going to change it. I’ve recenetly got back into my exercise and eating healthier and I feel so much better. With fertility it’s totally out of my control and I felt that if I do exercise and eat better that’s one small thing that is in my control that may help. Like you, I stopped all that late last year and it made me feel worse.

Find something fun to do and surround yourself by people who love and support you and keep thinking positive. Here whenever you need, sending love xxx

Waking up to so many beautiful and supportive messages has been amazing. So many things have resonated. I am usually so in control of my life and this being out of my control is probably a big factor in how I am feeling.

I think I got so sucked into feeling low that I was stopping myself from letting my friends, families and my gorgeous partner's positivity help. They want what's best for me and can see that light even though I couldn't. I must stay as positive as possible for him as well as myself.

Nothing is going to change if I don't do something so I am going to get back to healthy eating and exercise but I am not going to beat myself up over a bad day. I think because I couldn't pinpoint exactly what was making me so sad, I was getting angry at myself for maybe overreacting and upsetting my partner who hates seeing me like this.

I have just signed up for a 10k run in a couple of weeks so I have something to work towards and to focus on and my work have am employee assistance programme who I will try calling again if I have a bad day (tried but hung up because I didn't know how to explain)

You ladies are amazing. I can't express how much this has helped and knowing this forum is here. I will be here regularly and ready to offer my words of support to those who need it xx

jengi in reply to ClaireTh

Yay! That’s the attitude! This journey will trial you but you have the strength, resilience & determination to deal with what it throws at you! Welcome to the team! 😘

The other ladies have already said everything I would say...

You're allowed to feel like this and it is totally normal to. You've come to the right place, it is so supportive and helpful on this forum, especially when you feel rubbish. And because we're all going through similar issues we can understand in a way that family and friends can't.

Keep your head held high and come for support when you need it, and maybe give support when you don't. This "journey" is a long one, with many many bumps in the road... So take one step at a time and keep focussing on that hopeful end goal. Best of luck lovely xxx

Yep I’ve been there too, most of 2018 in fact. The lovely people above have said everything I would say, it’s an amazing bunch of people this forum, such strong people and always trying to help others. It may take time but you will feel stronger at some point soon too xx

It's absolutely not your fault, but I understand why you think that, as I've had those thoughts too. Can I suggest counselling? Talking about your feelings to someone who is neutral really does help :-) x

ClaireTh in reply to hifer

My work does offer this. I tried but couldn't explain how I felt but really this is what I needed to tell them. They probably hear that a lot and can help; I just need to let them help. I will definitely give this a try but even the support of all you lovely ladies has boosted my mood. Having a good day at work so far, feeling a bit more like me xx

Hi Claire,

I am sorry that you feel this way.

I can't offer you advice but only let you know it is perfectly normal to feel this way. I have a number of issues one of which makes even IVF a challenge to get a large number of eggs let alone embryos.

Take it in your stride. It's ok to switch off and do what you are doing. Praying for you. Xx

ClaireTh in reply to Cd2018

Thank you.

This is good advice. Praying for you too xx

I'm with you totally.

I'm not going to sugar coat this because it sucks for you, it sucks for all of us and the majority of this journey will be rubbish.

I haven't even had a consultation yet and I've just posted about how low I feel too.

I know why you feel the way you do, you feel guilty that it's not straight forward and because of you, your partner also has to go through this, you feel frustrated because there is nothing you can do to help this matter, you feel guilty for wondering if there's something you could have done to prevent any of this happening. ' have I slept with too many people, have I eaten all the wrong things, have I not looked after myself properly?' etc.

You feel hurt knowing other people don't have to go through what you do and you feel pity because 'why you'. You feel hard done by but most of all, you feel defeated.

Claire, you are not defeated, this is extremely hypocritical of me because I too, feel like this. However, you are ALLOWED to feel like this, no one can blame you but what I will say is that one thing I've learned from all of this? Is that absolutely everything happens for a reason, if you cannot conceive naturally then it's because you're not supposed to.

I'm here if you need to rant xxxxxx

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