Fertility Network UK
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Yet another family member having a baby 😔

First of all congrats to those who have recently got their bfp you are helping the rest of us have hope in darker times. 

I'm sorry ladies about this but I need to let my feelings out somewhere. Just visited my grandparents where I was told my cousin who got married last year is expecting a child this October. Then there was talk about my husbands brother becoming a dad next month. Last week my husbands friend girlfriend is expecting their second this year. It seems the world and his wife can have babies and we are the only couple that can't. I feel helpless saddened and generally broken by it. 💔

To top it off we have no explanation for the nearly 5 years of suffering infertility. That's the part that's the hardest to deal with.

I've got issues that I saw a gynae over last week who told me nothing I didn't expect to hear. Pill or coil. As I want a baby none of those are options. He did say he would in his letter recommend a referral to an NHS clinic. He thinks I've got problems with ovulating which are causing my symptoms. Thinks I may need clomid.Of course I haven't received this letter yet. Anything with the NHS takes ages and I'm on tender hooks waiting. Receptionist told me it can take weeks to arrive and now I'm worried it won't arrive by the time I have my GPs appointment. Which is the 5th may.Got full count blood test Monday as I've anaemia  to make sure the iron pills prescription is working. 

I'm ok when I'm at college and when I'm volunteering at a school near by me as I want to become a teaching assistant. I really enjoy working there and find it very rewarding. Some ways girls I should never have bothered with the Gynae appointment I knew what he would say. All its done is open Jack in the box all the feelings are coming back to haunt me. 

I have thought of doing some private blood tests to see if I can find  out what is going on. Has or can anyone recommend some investigations that I should look into? 

It's awful for those around me they don't know what to do or say to me. All they want is for to be ok. And then not only do I have to deal with my pain but have to deal with their pain of not being able to stop my pain. They don't understand I can't just snap out of it I wish it was that easy .I worry I'll never have a child with my husband. X

35 Replies

Oh Jess sorry to hear you're feeling so down. I know the frustrations of unexplained infertility. I had 9 cycles of clomid before we started IVF. This is our 2nd cycle and it's not looking good- test day tomorrow, I tested early on Friday (negative) and today have brown/pink spotting. Fear Monday will confirm its all over. Think my husband and I are now at the stage 4+ years on where we have to accept we won't have children of our own. I believe he wants to do another cycle of IVF but I don't think I can take it all again. Anyway these are decisions we will come to in time, but I completely understand what you've just described about family/friends feeling sad for you, and you feeling sad that you can't stop it. 

Clomid might be just the thing for you! Meantime get yourself feeling better in terms of the iron levels etc, if nothing else the clomid might give you back a sense of control and proactivety xx

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Thanks weemrsh for the kind supporting words. Means a lot 😊 

This journey can be so incredibly tough. I'm sorry to hear this IVF hasn't been straight forward. It's crap any of us have to go through this when all we want is to be parents. I will keep my fingers crossed that you get a BFP. 🙏Some women do spot  and get a positive. 🙏 I can understand the notion of preparing yourself for the worst it's awful we have to do that . Good luck 2morro I will be thinking of you 🙏 X


Hi Jess,

I've recently got a BFP thanks to taking chlomid 😊 Keep on at your doctors! I was lucky as my consultant was fab but I know that's not the case everywhere! I also had problems with ovalating ... I was getting periods but no egg  actually was produced! My progesterone levels went from 2% to 90% thanks to chlomid! I also am a HLTA in a school so I can also see why you love your job 😊 Hope this message has given you hope! All the best Xxx


Thank you and massive congratulations on your recent bfp wonderful news Gibbs88. Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy 😍

You've given me much hope. Which today I really needed. Thank you. 

I get periods every month too although my cycle ranges from 25 to 35 days. I also suffer spotting terrible cramping and ovary ache all throughout the second half of my cycle. Extremely heavy periods. Did you get any of these symptoms? How did they diagnosis the problem? What tests did they run? Sorry to be nosy. I've had three progesterone blood tests two were within normal range one wasn't. My ex clinic said it was trying or ivf and we couldn't get NHS funding for IVF.  X


Thank you 😊

I had exactly same cycles as you as they ranged from 28-40! Also had bad cramping and very heavy when they did come. Our first appointment he put me straight in for a HSG and an ultrasound to check nothing was blocked etc which they all came back fine so then he prescribed me with 50mg of chlomid for 6months which did the trick 👍🏼  I had given up hope by the last month but was shocked when I saw the second line and I was waiting to start my period ready to start IUI! 

The diagnosis I was given was called anovalation which is a form of PCOS- glad I can be of some help! Xxx


Hi Gibbs88, sorry for hijacking yours and Jess' conversation. I'm interested as I have the same symptoms as you both, and anovulation was my diagnosis but I was never officially told there is a link with PCOS. I was treated with metformin for a couple of months (with my last cycles of clomid) as gynae said some people can be borderline PCOS and not show all symptoms, but it was more like a passing comment and stab in the dark like "let's try one last thing". im interested to know your specialist's view? And congrats btw 😃


Thanks! Yeah my gynae always wrote to us after our appointments to have it down on paper what was discussed and on there that's what it stated and I did some research online which seemed to correspond with it? Other than not ovalating I didn't show any other signs that are online so it was all news to me! Lol X

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Hi Jess. It's so hard to hear of other getting pregnant or having a baby. I feel happy for them but sad for us, hubby and myself were having this conversation this morning. I'm finding it difficult to cope with the fact we'll never have children. Last week was the 3rd anniversary of finding out at the 12 week scan that our naturally conceived twins had died at 8 weeks. Then my body decided to rub it in my delaying my period for over a week, I had hoped but no a BFN yesterday and signs of AF starting today. I might have some more counselling. 

Keep phoning the hospital or perhaps ask your GP for blood tests for ovulation etc, they might say no as the consultant (when you finally get the appointment) will probably get them done. It's worth asking.

Well done on keeping going with college and volunteering, I'm sure that the teacher really appreciates having additional help. I'm a primary school teacher working with children with SEN, it is rewarding but not the same as having your own. Oh well. 

Thank goodness for this forum!


I'm so sorry I cannot even begin to imagine your loss. As for your body to do that to you that's so cruel.Our bodies are good at putting the boot in aren't they? 😡 Time will tell if it's a period or not. You know your body and you know what is normal and what is not. I will keep my fingers crossed it doesn't turn up 🙏 

Counselling sounds a good idea. Sometimes I have thought about getting some. It must help talking to someone that is unemotionally involved in the situation. 

Thanks for the advice. This site makes me feel less alone! I have an appointment 5th may with my GP to discuss all this further. If necessary I would pay for a simple ovulation blood test. Just to speed things up. 😳

Thinking of you during this difficult time 💞  X


Thanks Jess. I too am very glad for this website. It is so helpful to know others have an idea of what we're going through and feeling. 

My body was having a laugh, to be honest I only did a HPT as AF was a week late and I was going out and didn't want to drink if there had been a miracle. I haven't said anything to hubby so it's nice to be able to tell someone who can sympathise!

A basic ovulation blood test probably won't cost much but you may have to pay to see a private consultant. It should be on the list of tests via the NHS. I took a list of blood tests our second clinic wanted and my GP authorised the ones he knew the NHS could do and tried to get some others done too but  they got rejected by the lab. So well worth asking your GP for some basic tests, even if they've been done before. 


Aww that's crap. Glad you could get that off your chest. Know that one so well. My periods are so irregular.Such a head f**k. Have a nice big glass of wine I find that helps! 🍸Could you see a GP if your periods are changing? Just a thought...

I will talk to my GP and see where the land lies. My GP has been through infertility and can empathise with me. 

Thanks for being there. x 


I'm usually very regular. I wonder if my body is still settling done after the treatment and are trying to get back to their usual date? This happened after the mc. I didn't feel particularly stressed about the anniversary of our missed mc perhaps that a wishful thinking had an impact. I went to my GP when I missed a period and wasn't pregnant 2 years ago. He just shrugged his shoulders and said he could do blood tests but as I was seeing the consultant a couple of weeks later they would request them if needed.   I don't like having blood tests so am in no rush to have any more done but if they start to change I'll go and see him. 

Good luck with seeing your GP.


Thank you. Some GPs can be so insensitive can't they? I would monitor your cycle and if it keeps being late talk to a trusted GP. I have a Dr at our practice who I feel I can tell anything to and not be judged or dismissed. If it starts happening regularly get it looked into x

Oh my letter is there but I'm not allowed to read it! Coz it's not addressed to me it's to my GP. What will be will be. Luckily I'm coming into a nice inheritance so I could afford to go private if need be. X


Hi Jess, sorry to hear how you're feeling. It's really tough when all around you are these baby announcements and bumps. A couple of things I thought of - for me, I wasn't getting pregnant for more than a year so had some tests done and my thyroid came back as an issue. It wasn't quite outside the range but close enough to the limit for my GP to diagnose me as hypo and I was put on eltroxin. Once this was managed properly, I got pregnant quickly. But then went on to have 3 early miscarriages. Then I tested positive for APS / sticky blood / Hughes syndrome (all the same thing). But it was taking a long time to get get pregnant again and my ovulation seemed all over the place. They tested AMH and this was low so I did IVF last October. Anyway, I have the list of blood tests they did at the pregnancy loss clinic, I can dig it out and PM you with these in case there is something there you could test for. I'll have a look tomorrow for you.

The other thing is maybe to look into acupuncture. My acupuncturist told me it's possible to regulate your cycle by using acupuncture. Worth looking into at least. I also agree with going to counselling, it really helped me through the tough times.


Thank you for the advice. Really helpful.  If it's not too much hassle please msg these bloods. I will discuss all this in more detail with my GP who can decide what tests I should have done. And massive congrats on the pregnancy. 😘 x


I'm sorry you're having such a rough time at the moment. I know how you feel about it seeking every woman in the world seems to be getting pregnant. One of my sisters gave birth 4 weeks ago and another is due in October. Plus on top of that my step-monster (mean I know) is due with a "late life surprise" baby in July! I feel myself getting super jealous and bitter quite often but it's getting easier to get past by thinking that no matter how much it hurts to see I wouldn't wish the pain of actually going through it on anyone, especially not family........might not work for everyone but it's calming me down in my worst moments x


Thank you for the kind words. Has helped me feel better. Wishing you the best on your journey and here if you too need support 😊 x


I feel your pain, I feel like everyone I know either has children, or is pregnant every time I hear of another accouncement I break my heart that it isn't us.

It's such a hard journey for us all and our families/friends as there's nothing they can really say or do and often end up putting there foot in it due to not really fully understanding it xxx


Hi thank you for your kind words so appreciated. The support I've heard is overwhelming. It's reassuring I'm not the only who has those kind of feelings. It's very comforting to know. All the best with this hard journey hope it brings you a baby 😍 x

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It's so annoying and frustrating.

If I were you, I'd go to your GP appointment even if you haven't received the letter and act like they should have the letter...say you're there to see them after your gyne appointment to discuss ovulation tests and getting prescribed clomid....see what they do.

Before IVF, I tried it for 6 cycles, but they only did 3 cycles of day 21 blood tests...no help to me when my cycles are 21-28 days!! Did they listen?-no! They did no follicular tracking either, so what did they really learn from me taking it? Nothing probably!!

Just worth bearing in mind so that you can  try to avoid the same thing.

My sister in laws younger sister found out recently that she's expecting...they had been trying for more than 6 months and had just started basic blood tests at GP when they found out. Happy it's worked for them, but at the same time, they still act like teenagers themselves....difficult!


So sorry to hear your frustrations at the NHS! Can relate to it! We were pushed out with its trying or ivf and we won't fund you! It was a very bad experience.... 

The Dr surgery has got my letter but im not allowed to look at it! At least I know it's there. And can now proceed with GPs! Lucky I've got an inheritance coming so if I don't hear what I want I'll just go private. 

Thank you for your supportive words made me feel not alone with these awful feelings that I have. I think it's awful coz people can make having a baby so easy and it's not! My sister in law is having a baby next month and it's so unfair she's abandoned two beautiful children already. She dosent deserve to have another chance at it. I think what great mums all of us would make based on what we do to have a baby and then there is someone like that having a baby 😡 such injustice. 

I tell my hubby that our baby is special and he or she is worth fighting for 😘

Good luck with everything x


Just to add my sympathies. My family is so big that some of my cousins are becoming grandparents now. I had to see my cousin boasting about her grandson to my mum, who was amazingly restrained (I'm the eldest and I don't think my brother will have kids). I am pregnant now but making sure everyone I've told keeps it quiet because I got so sick of the constant news from other people. It will happen for you I am sure.


Thank you for the lovely words sad panda. It's very difficult isn't it? People don't realise how hurtful their words are. My grandma knows we are struggling. I felt angry. Mentioning two babies on the way and I felt like saying what about the baby me and Oli want?! I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt me.. 

Coming on this site makes me feel less abnormal with these feelings! 

Massive congratulation on the pregnancy. All the best with it. Lovely to hear success stories helps me have some hope. That's the only thing that keeps any of us going through this crazy journey 😂 x

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Ah I feel all of your pain too. I've been trying for 3 years now and hopefully got to point where we have found out what may be the problem, otherwise we are unexplained infertility too. People can be quite insensitive as they don't realise how heartbreaking it can be to see everyone around having babies. 

I have done a combination of NHS and private testing and treatment. My suggestion would be pay for all of the tests yourself rather than wait, a private clinic might charge you £600 for everything but they will have it done so quickly and you will be given a full breakdown of next steps. You can then take this to NHS fertility specialist. 

Do you chart your Body temps everyday to see if you ovulate and when etc?

Also acupuncture, I went to see a lady for a back problem but she had a better fertility conversation with me than any NHS GP I've ever met.

Sorry for the long response, stay positive all the best 



Thank you for the words of support. It's nice to know it's not just me to feel like that. All our friends seem to be super fertile! It can feel very unfair. 

I think I'll look into that. The letter is at my GPs but I'm not allowed to read it 😳 at least I know it's there and appointment is not a waste of time. I think I'll ask my GP what bloods he would recommend to have done seeing as he knows all my medical history. 

I've heard lots said about acupuncture might look into that. 😃

Good luck with everything. Hope it brings you your much wanted baby 😘 x

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Thanks for taking the time to respond I find the doctors extremely frustrating and unhelpful. Not sure why you aren't allowed to see that letter that seems weird. 

Let us know how you get on xx


Hey Jess

Don't you worry sweet you bent them feelings.

It may be the silliest ever question but have you considered using DE.?


That's very sweet of you tamtam. I know it worked for you and I know you want to help others 💞that's lovely 🌈

I haven't done any treatment yet which sounds bad after nearly 5 years. ( I don't what my eggs are like I've got low AMH.) All I've done is try and with the Gynae issues has delayed any treatment of any kind. What a journey I've been through! I'm hoping one day I'll be able to laugh with my child what I done for them! 😂

The letter has arrived with GP only Im not allowed to read it. Wait till 5th to see what's what. I've fortunately coming into an inheritance later this year so I could go private if the NHS won't help us. Thank god! 

Congrats with your pregnancy and hope everything goes smoothly you've been through the mil and you really deserve your happy ending 😍 x

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There's nothing more I can add except to say just protect yourself. I've done years of being a good friend, celebrating other people's good news stories and I can't do it now it's just much too painful. I've isolated myself from some friends who spend their life complaining about motherhood too. It feels insensitive but I know they simply don't understand our pain. 

We do. We are listening. Rant away!  But avoid situations that will upset you, you don't owe anyone anything. Take care of yourself x


I'm sorry to hear that. It can be so lonely at times this path. I know that one do well. I avoid pregnant women and babies like the plague!

The letter is at GPs but I can't read it 😳 wait and see what happens on 5th. 

I hope you get your happy ending soon baby dust 😘 x

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Hi Jess

I don't have any answers here but I do understand completely. It is incredibly hard hearing all these stories. My and DH have been together 13 years so whenever I hear about family members getting pregnant when they've just got married or been with someone less than a year I initially struggle to wish them well and immediately think it's not fair. Then I feel like a terrible person for having those initial thoughts but it's so hard.

Keep the faith Jess, it will be our turn one day, and it will absolutely be worth the wait and the heartache x o x o  


Thank you for being there and understanding. Prob with friends n family is they try to make it better. But you can't. Good intentions but...,,

The letter is with my GP and I'm not allowed to look at! Wait n see 5th! I have plan b I'll just go private later this year as luckily I'm coming into an inheritance. 

Funny you should say that about the wait for the baby.I tell my husband our child is special and he or she is worth the fighting for 😍 I refuse to give up all hope it's the only thing that keeps any of us going through this madness lol! 

Good luck with everything hope your dreams come true 😘 x


Thank you for such a lovely heart felt reply. I'm so touched, 

Just knowing that I am not alone with these feelings is comforting. 

Love the way everyone here is so kind and supportive. This journey can be so difficult at times. Will be seeing GP to discuss the best way forward and he's quite good as he has suffered infertility too. It's great to have someone medical who understands the situation esp emotionally. 

All the best with your treatment hope you get that well deserved BFP. 😍

Maybe these children are special. And worth fighting for 💞 x


Update girls: I contacted the hospital and asked if I could get a copy of the clinic appointment. They contacted the consultants secretary and she has agreed and has sent it today.The DRS receptionists were not allowing me s copy and could not be bothered to get my GPs permission. Why DRS receptionists are so mean I do not know.For my appointment I wanted to be mentally prepared by knowing the content of the letter. I know what the consultant had said but wanted to make sure he had done. Fingers crossed I hear what I want to (hopefully what he told me he would say) 🙏

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Hi jess. I have never posted on here before but your story struck a chord. I am in a fairly similar situation- 6 years unexplained fertility now, and surrounded by family and friends who are pregnant. It is all a bit heartbreaking I agree and there is a definite sense of helplessness. Anyways, I know you were asking about any tests that people would recommend, and this is a bit left field but last month I was diagnosed with coeliac disease. I had never suspected this and had always been led to believe that the pain in my side was related to ovulation and other problems. Turns out it wasn't. The first stage of diagnosis is a simple blood test, which can easily rule coeliac disease out if that is not the problem. I have since found out that there is a known link between coeliac and infertility and miscarriage, and that NICE recommends that a blood test for coeliac disease should be considered in people with unexplained subfertility. It certainly doesn't hurt to have the test if it's one you haven't tried, it was the last thing I would have suspected to be causing my pain, and despite having every fertility related test under the sun nothing else has ever shown up. Wishing you all the best xx


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