Infertile at 24

I thought I'd introduce myself! I'm based in Bolton (near Manchester) in the UK aged 24. DP and I have been TTC for nearly 5 years. My concerns a little over a year into TTC were pretty much dismissed by my GP (I think because of my age at the time). It took a long time to gear myself up after BFN after BFN for the next few years to make another appointment (this time with a different doctor) and was immediately referred for infertility testing.

 After the long process of testing (as a lot of you will know) I was finally diagnosed with Hydrosalpinx and blocked tubes, the left side especially large and swollen. Our only way to conceive would be through IVF. I then had to have a lap and dye in October 2015 with removal of either just the left or both fallopian tubes. The results were that I had extensive adhesions and the left tube was so swollen it had attached to the left ovary and all of the organs surrounding it, and the cherry on top was that the right side was definitely blocked too. They were unable to remove the tubes with the laproscopy and needed a laparotomy. In January 2016 I had a bilateral salpingectomy and adhesyolisis. Luckily the surgeon was able to remove them without damaging/needing to remove the left ovary or harm my bowel. 

After surgery have were referred for NHS funded IVF, in Bolton you receive one funded treatment. We have been referred to Writington Wigan & Leigh's fertility clinic. So at the moment we are waiting for our first appointment. I have a friend who has been through IVF at St. Mary's in Manchester, she lives in an area where you are entitled to the full three treatments, she was successful on the 2nd cycle. Although her situation was different to mine and I know I should be tackling things one thing at a time, but it's hard not to think about every eventuality, what to do if it doesn't work first time and how to afford subsequent treatments. It all just feels so out of reach.

 I would really appreciate any advice about the whole process, what to expect and any tips to cope with the emotional side of things because I am struggling. Also if anyone is in the same boat I would be so happy to share experiences with you because it's quite lonely and seeming like EVERYONE else is pregnant except me.

Anyway, enough whining!! Thank you in advance to anyone who replies, not that I'm expecting any! :)

13 Replies

  • Hi and welcome

    I like you was diagnosed with infertility at the tender age of 18, didn't really bother me at the time as I was foot loose and fancy free didn't mind other kids but not really ready for me, little did I know.  Wasn't to say it was even my fault but more a cheating boyfriend.

    Anyways both tubes severely damaged due to PID which wasn't treated properly.

    I did manages to fall pregnant a few times but ended in miscarriage with one being a major eptopic which costed me my tube left other tune useless.

    I am 41 and We have undergone 5 cycles of fresh IVF none funded due to partner having a child from previous and all have been BFN well not sure yet as on my last 2ww.

    I know all too well how you feel it's a kick in the stomach every time but let me just be clear.

    This journey will beat you up, bring you down strain your relationship and financially cripple you, but we manage to keep going and only we know when enough is enough.

    Be vocal with hubby and talk loads don't bottle things up the meds will drive you insane but again you know what the focus is.

    Each of us is different and on different paths but yet the same path as we all  are desiring the same thing a baby.....

    It's not going to be easy my love you will need every ounce of strength but make sure through it all you have good laughs and be good to one and other.

    Stage 1  tests are carried out

    Stage 2 acceptance

    Stage 3 paperwork

    Stage 4 stimming 

    Stage 5 scans and bloods 

    Stage 6 collection

    Stage 7 transfer 

    Stage 8 dreaded 2ww 

    That's as long as all goes to plan whole process approx 4-6 weeks

    Wishing you luck 😘

  • Hi Tamtam,

    I know I'm just starting out, but it it feels like been the longest 8 months since finding out about everything. I can't imagine the strength you must have to carry on and not give up hope. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me, there isn't really anyone I know who really understands what's going on, so that's why I wanted to join a site like this.

    Thank you so much for the advice, I need to make sure I don't get caught up in it all too much, I'm the kind of person who worries myself sick about things so I have to try and stay positive. It's just the cards we've been dealt I suppose and have to try to make the best of it. Thanks again and wishing you luck too :) xx

  • Hi I'm 31 from Bury (orginal Bury lass) I live in Lincolnshire  now and we only get one full cycle funded. I know it's hard at the minute but try not to be defeated. My story is no right tube due ectopic pregnancy 2006. TTC again for 2 years nothing went back to the Dr ref for fertility test had lap and dye and hysteroscopy in Nov 15. We was told a few days before Christmas that IVF would be our chance to be parents we are also NHS funded. I had my egg collection yesterday 8 good eggs collected I will find out today how they are getting on. Never make yourself feel defeated before you even start be kind to yourself have a positive outlook eat well and just take each day as it comes. Xxxx

  • Hi, 

    Thank you, that is something I struggle with so I do need to stop being so negative about things and think more positively. You've had quite a quick process considering starting a few days before Christmas, I wonder if that's because of the area? My friend I mentioned in the post lives in Bury, it's such a shame about the postcode lottery.

    I really do hope your eggs are doing well and wishing you all the best! Thanks again for the advice :) xxxx

  • They are well 6 out of out 8 have fertilised and transfer is on Wednesday!! I have down days too I'm sure we will all do. Just remember your not alone and there are some fantastic ladies on here for advice or even just for rant lol!!! Take care and good luck xx

  • Hiya, I am also 24 & I live in a place called Burton Latimer  (in Northamptonshire). Me & my DP have been TTC for 5 1/2 years and our story is simular to yours. We knew something was wrong after just over a year of TTC as nothing was happening and all we ever got were BFN's. We went to see a consultant who told me to go away and loose 3 1/2 stone (which would have made me underweight on the BMI spectrum) & basically laughed me out of the room! I was crushed by that for a long time but refused to loose so much weight and subsequently make myself ill and unhealthy. As you cannot be seen for fertility treatment until you are 23 I booked an appointment with my GP on my 23rd birthday ready to get the ball rolling...So February 2015 DP & me went to our GP and we're instantly given a referal to our local hospital for tests. I was put on clomid and had my dosage upped and upped until after 6 rounds they said enough is enough. December 2015 they then sent me to have a HSG dye test for my tubes but all results came back normal. Our consultant then told us that I had "unexplained infertility" 2 words that I hate in the same sentence because it just answers no questions for me at all & I really struggle not knowing why I don't work properly! We were then given the option if going back on to clomid or trying IVF. We now have our first ivf consultation o  April 6th. We also only get 1 funded treatment and this worries me a lot thinking about what if it doesn't work & how will we be able to afford trying again. I think it should be 3 funded per couple - as if everything we're going through already isn't enough they then make it unfair by letting certain areas have more of a chance. I also feel as if everyone around me is pregnant and I'm not and that's something that really brings me down. 

    Anyway I have rambled on enough lol. Best of luck with your treatment and keep us updated! I've got everything crossed for you lovely. It's nice to have a great support network on here and I feel like everyone can have someone to talk to and be listened to when the people closest to us just can't for whatever reason.

    Take care xxx 

  • Hi Amanda-isola,

    It does sound like we've had a very similar journey! Just because we're younger doesn't mean that we shouldn't be taken seriously. I always wonder if it had been diagnosed earlier that something could have been done to stop the hydrosalpinx progressing to the extent it did. But I know there's no use in thinking about something that didn't happen.

    I totally agree with you about the postcode lottery being unfair, it could be the difference between having something as important as a family and never being able to if we can't afford it. It's so hard not to be resentful towards everyone with children around me but it's difficult. I manage a children's play centre so sometimes it feels like torture being surrounded by pregnant ladies and little ones all day and people asking why I'm not pregnant yet.

    Thank you for your reply, it's nice to talk with others going through the same thing, of course I knew I wasn't the only person going through it, but as you say sometimes those closest to us try, but don't really understand as they haven't been through it. Good luck with your treatment hun and keep me updated also! :)  xxx

  • Hi, I'm so sorry to hear this! However please be reassured your not the only one and there Is many people on this journey - including me! My husband and I have been trying since we were 19 now 30 and still no babies, We have had x1 ICSI, x1 IMSI and IVF with DS all BFN!! We got two cycles on NHS and paid the 3rd. We have bow decided that we will no longer be carrying on with treatment due to the expense and the emotional journey. We went through every emotion and have eventually came out the otherside with a different way of think to it all. We decided that as much as we would love our own biological children this isn't going to happen for us and 11 years on and looking back on what we have gone through emotionally and physically we can say we gave it our all but its not meant to be for us. That kills us to think we have came to the decision now that enough is enough but it has to be - at least for the foreseeable future! We are now on a slightly different journey and are looking into permanent foster care for siblings (this is something that can happen and we will finally have our family to love)

    TC xx

  • Hiya, thank you for your reply. I am so sorry that you've had such a hard journey - you're a very strong lady & hubby is a rock by the sound of things. As sad as it is for you to know that at this point in time you won't behaving a biological family of your own, you are both doing an amazing & selfless thing by permanently fostering! I'm sure you'll make wonderful parents and the children that you welcome in to your hearts will be forever thankful and you will love them like your own - you're family! 

    Best of luck with everything - enjoy every moment & take care xx

  • Hi Hopefaithlove,

    It's so admirable that you've stayed strong through everything you've been through, so sorry that you've had to come to that decision. However I think that those who open their hearts and home to children to foster/adopt are extraordinary people and you will be so loved by them and vice versa! I wish you the best of luck and hope you have the loving family you deserve, take care xx

  • Hi Em,

    Thank you for the tip! I have been trying to research things that will maximise the chances of our one funded treatment to work, will definitely be adding this to the list of things to ask at our consultation appointment when it comes through. Wishing you all the best too xx

  • That's really good to know, so it won't do any harm if it's unsuccessful, would it just be case of it not working? My issues were to do with my tubes and adhesions which have now been removed, but if there's anything that can boost the chances I'm all for it! x

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