I am feeling very down today, also anxious that we might not get a positive on Monday. Probably just finally hit by the reality of it all. I managed to glide along Ok since my FET on Friday,but now feel adrift and like Monday is so far away.
So last night I had invited two close friends to mine for a quiet wee girls night in. My best friend knows all about the IVF and she is only one of two people I have told. The other friend is someone I have become closer to in the past year and she had guessed that something was up although we hadn't had a chance to fully discuss it yet. So my intention was to tell my friend about the IVF, not all the details but the jist, and I also told my best friend that I would probably tell the friend during our wee night in. It didn't quite work out that way, as the new friend was really late arriving, then my husband came back from work, and worst of all my best friend treated us to all of her monologues at once, the worst being her story of the horrific birth she went through to have her daughter 15 years ago. She does have a habit for drama, and can be caring but tends to hog the conversation at times. So I felt like I couldn't get a word in edgewise and by 10pm I was too tired to summon up the energy to take charge of "my" dinner party.
Tbh by the end of her birth tale (which I have heard a million times already) I had no desire to open up about my painful IVF journey to anyone. In fact I felt extremely alone until they left and I could have a good cry to my husband. My best friend has actually been really supportive one to one, and she has had a bad week as she lost a friend and is grieving, so I know why she was just running off about her own stuff. But still, I felt so undermined. I just wanted some extra support, but now wish I hadn't even planned the evening.
I've decided to choose another time to speak to my new friend, maybe in a week or two, and it will juts be one to one. It really isn't like talking about any other issues, I just felt so raw about the whole thing it felt safer to stay silent rather than be upset by someone's lack of understanding. I doubt I'll get the understanding of any close friends or in fact anyone except my husband and you all on here, as we keep telling each other- People do not understand it unless they go through it. There in general seems to be lack of general knowledge of the IVF journey. I don't know what to do next, take one day at a time. I expect I'll feel stronger tomorrow, as I didn't sleep well after analysing all of last night.
Just a moan, it does help to write it all out. Thank god for this forum.
best wishes to you all, xxx