One of my very best friends and her partner are currently punishing me for prioritising my own mental health and wellbeing over their pregnancy. She knows my entire journey and had always been quite supportive, in particular when it came to my guilt about not feeling able to be around other pregnant friends etc...until that pregnant friend happened to be her. She was very upset when she told me that she was pregnant, crying because she knew the pain that it would cause me, but then she immediately shoved her scan picture in my face and said that her first thought when she found out was "I work!" ...I mean, there are just no words for how much that broke me. But unfortunately, that's my mate for you. She tends not to think too much before she opens her mouth and although she would say that she'd been trying to get pregnant for ages and struggling and so she understands, the reality is she got pregnant naturally in the fairly normal timescales with no intervention whatsoever. She categorically does not understand.
What makes her pregnancy worse is that I should have been just three weeks ahead of her but I miscarried at 7w3d after our second transfer. Despite me trying to explain that her pregnancy is just too painful for me to be around she's taken it completely personally and has pretty much entirely withdrawn from me. I sent her a beautiful "you're going to be an amazing mummy" card a few months ago just to try and further explain how happy I am for her but that I have to heal in my own timeframe, not hers, I also commented how happy I am that she will never understand my pain. She sent a nice text in response but I've barely heard from her since.
I've tried to ask after the baby by text on the few occasions when I've felt I have had the strength to do so but I just get short replies and she never asks after me now. I've tried to tell her that all I wanted was for her to be sensitive and that I never asked for her to fall off the radar completely but I still never hear from her. I miscarried twins a few weeks ago and she's barely even acknowledged it let alone provided any support or love. I didn't even get a birthday card. Her partner has also completely ignored messages from my husband despite the fact that they were extremely close friends before all of this - which has enraged him given what we're going through. I just can't see that our friendship is ever going to survive and it's making me anxious.
I've had two other best girl friends get pregnant and have babies in the last 12 months and they handled my feelings perfectly - they didn't rub their pregnancies in my face, they let me lead conversations and only mentioned their pregnancies if I asked about them, they kept in touch with me about normal things and always checked in to see how I was doing and where I was on the IVF journey and they NEVER made me feel bad if I needed to prioritise myself or decided that I just couldn't see them or speak to them for a while.
Part of me feels like ending this other friendship completely now before I have to put myself through the awkwardness of the baby being born on both our parts but I genuinely don't think I'd be able to have a rational conversation with her either. I already know there's no way she will accept that she's done anything wrong and will end up just making me feel like I've been a terrible friend (despite the fact that given our situations I'm the one that's really needed the friend). We've been the closest of mates for 25 years but I'm just not sure I can stand it any longer.
Has anyone managed to salvage their close relationships despite them being so close to unravelling entirely?! xx