I've been waiting for NHS funded IVF for 4 months now. I know this isn't long but we've just had yet another set back in finding out my blood tests in Feb 24 didn't cover off everything that needed checking and I feel like it's back to square one.
What's worrying me is ever since I found out my chances of conceiving naturally (after 2 years of trying and one miscarriage 19 months ago) my mental health has really spiralled. I'm now drinking more when I should be cutting it out completely and even vaping when god knows what the impacts of that are on my fertility. I feel so stuck, has anyone else reacted badly and dealt badly with the process even pre-IVF?
The weird thing is, I know as soon as I have a consultation or get seen I'll quit all the bad stuff as were so desperate for a family. But right now it's like I am totally out of control.
I've tried the podcasts people have recommended and if anything they're giving me less hope as the presenters are clearly younger (I'm 38).
Has anyone tried therapy or anything else that has helped?
I'm sorry to post this when so many women are going through difficult IVF procedures time after time and I haven't even started mine. I'm just so lost right now, I feel alone and like a complete failure as I can't even look after myself.
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DogMum7
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I have been where you are, you’re not a failure at all. The ivf journey can be brutal on your mind and body. I went to a councillor and just let it all out it really helped. The nhs route is sooooo slow even when you get started there are soo many hold ups. if you need to let it all out xxx you’ve got this xxx
I honestly just googled one in my area. I went to see her, the poor woman didn’t get a word in edge ways I literally just exploded. Slept so much better that night. Best £40 I ever spent. Everything came out. How unfair it all was how sad I felt literally everything xxx
No need to feel like a dick at all. I was on the ivf journey for over 5 years and trying to conceive for 11 years I hear you. Everytime I tried to be good I wanted the wine and munch more xxx it’s a tough journey xxx
Hi DogMum7, the pre-IVF time is so difficult. Dealing with the realisation you need treatment but without any insight into the steps and timescales. I second going to counselling. I didn't start until we were undergoing treatment but wish I had sooner. If your GP has put a referral in I'd ask your clinic if they have a counselling service and when you can access it xx
Thank you so much. I definitely think this is what I need. I'm trying to do all the research and tbh it's actually making me more confused with all the acronyms and different stages. I'm also stressing because I got referred at 37 and will likely be 39 by the time I actually get treatment. I'm just not handling it well so I think finding someone to download on will make a huge difference . Wish you all the best in your journey xx
Totally agree with the other comments, pre-ivf was really difficult for me. It was a combination of the realisation that trying naturally wasn't likely to work and having to actually go down the IVF route, then the fear of what it would actually be like when I started all the meds etc (all I had heard before was they impacted awfully on people- so thought I would impact on my mood more). However once I actually started on the meds it's like a calm descended, none of the meds were that bad and I didn't lose my remaining marbles. The focus is on appointment to appointment and actually getting to egg collection.My advice to you is be kind to yourself, give yourself a bit of a break and best of luck to you when you do get your cycle started.
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. Pregnancy loss and infertility is so very painful, using coping strategies such as these are not unusual but can cause us to think poorly of ourselves and our choices. I vaped and drank following pregnancy loss and it increased leading up to and after the criteria check for NHS funding. You are not alone, it is a long journey that has various potholes that you find yourself wedged in.
I am not sure about the area where you live but there is a relatively new service/concept funded and pushed by NHSEngland to support people with pregnancy loss and infertility, essentially a step before perinatal mental health services. Despite conceiving (through IVF, yet vaped and drank in the lead up to it!) they remain a big part of my support system, recognising my distress when otherwise I kept it buried and masked for over 5 years. I would really recommend it. They have even supported my partner for the last 3 months.
Happy to be privately messaged for more info. Am a MH nurse so able to navigate the system and find out if it is something offered in your area. If not it may be worth speaking to your IVF NHS team as it is a statutory requirement to be offered counselling support which is likely through NHS funded routes and likely be prioritised given the circumstances.
Lastly, be kind and compassionate to yourself. This road is not easy. I continue to try and use the mantra “would I speak like this to someone going through what I am?” 💯 the answer is always no. You are doing your best with the cards given to you. You can make the change when you feel able and have the right support in place.
I’ll be brutally honest. Before I started IVF I had a really rough few years in my personal life and my coping mechanism was drinking and vaping. As soon as I started each IVF cycle I just stopped. Then after each failed transfer I started again. I’m 48 and 16 weeks pregnant after 7 transfers.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. It may not be an ideal way to cope, but it’s helping you cope. You are strong already for even stating this journey, remember that. Hopefully you’ll get to start your treatment soon, and then your focus will be on stressing about all that that entails and anything else will seem irrelevant! 💪🏻
don’t be too hard on yourself for this. I’ve been there too, 38yrs, after 3 failed IVFs, 11 natural IVFs, 1 miscarriage and 5 years of trying. We had no issues except 1 closed tube, so it was very frustrating to say the least. After the 3rd failed IVF It completely messed me up and I ended up drinking everyday and smoking too. I had my natural IVFs throughout the years and when the last one dint work I broke. However 3-4 months before my 4th and last IVF round I decided to slow down and 2 months before I quit, it was tough but I had promised myself this, and it worked out for us. Please talk to someone if you need to and do what it takes to stop prior to starting. I strongly recommend that.
I am so pleased for you 💜 Thanks for being so honest too! I feel like the worst person, why can't I do the 'basic' things and stop what I know isn't good for me but its like my coping mechanism. I just need another one! Hope you are your lovely family are doing well xx
All clinics are obliged to offer a single session in with cost of treatment. This is regardless as to whether you're NHS funded or not.
Ask them what is available and who. Choose based on who you'll feel comfortable talking to.
There will be an option to extend and have more sessions if you wish, these would be at cost to yourself. But, this route will be quicker than via GP, more related to your circa and bypass the (sorry, not sorry!) god awful CBT.
It's so hard. Counselling really did save us and our relationship (we went together).
I also found talking to colleagues who'd had similar experiences helpful. They were at the right amount of emotional distance to be helpful and I felt less isolated after. But, that's nitbalways an option, I appreciate.
I am SO glad you said that. I had CBT once before and it put me off counselling!! Just got to find the right person and treatment for sure. Hope your journey is going well xx
Hey, you are not alone! I have just joined, but finding this forum is a blessing for me. I have not yet found the specialist to help, but started grateful journal to see something positive around. Hang in there, we all here to help each other xx
Hi DogMum, I’m so sorry to read that you are struggling. I found that time of investigations and waiting for treatment the most difficult of my life. When a counsellor described that I was going through the grief cycle, it started to make more sense. We grieve the loss of getting pregnant naturally, the life we thought we would have. So it’s really ok to feel like this, and try to cope in anyway you can. It certainly doesn’t mean you are failing, you are surviving. I hope you find a counsellor that works for you, as the other ladies have said it helps so much. They can’t take away the pain but it helps to let the emotions out.
I’m just doing stims in my first cycle of treatment, with egg collection next week. And I can tell you I was petrified of starting and doing the injections etc - but the anticipation was so much worse than reality. You will get through it and all will be ok. Look after yourself xx
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