Just need to vent a little. A friend texted me this morning telling me she's pregnant. We were on the same cycle day and it was her first month of trying, she didn't even know what ovulation was so I had to explain everything to her, pretty much the process of how babies are made. I don't know why but it just really crushed me, like pushed me over the edge of the cliff that I've been standing on for years. She decided a few weeks ago she wanted a baby and now she has one, and here I am wanting a baby for 3 years, actively trying for 2, on 5th round of fertility drugs that have very little chance of working, knowing IVF is probably the only option, it makes me feel so useless. I know my body is riddled with a disease that doesnt want to make a nice home for a baby. I accepted this and was even excited at the thought of IVF but I think the realisation of never being able to conceive naturally has finally hit me. Don't get me wrong I'm so happy for her and can't wait to meet her child and be an 'auntie' to it, but I'm also scared for these next 9 months as it will be a constant reminder that my body can't just give me whatever I want, I have to fight it. And even then the odds are against me. I know I'm not the only one that feels this way, I just feel like I'm drowning in grief and I haven't even lost anything.
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