Another "I'm pregnant!" text

Just need to vent a little. A friend texted me this morning telling me she's pregnant. We were on the same cycle day and it was her first month of trying, she didn't even know what ovulation was so I had to explain everything to her, pretty much the process of how babies are made. I don't know why but it just really crushed me, like pushed me over the edge of the cliff that I've been standing on for years. She decided a few weeks ago she wanted a baby and now she has one, and here I am wanting a baby for 3 years, actively trying for 2, on 5th round of fertility drugs that have very little chance of working, knowing IVF is probably the only option, it makes me feel so useless. I know my body is riddled with a disease that doesnt want to make a nice home for a baby. I accepted this and was even excited at the thought of IVF but I think the realisation of never being able to conceive naturally has finally hit me. Don't get me wrong I'm so happy for her and can't wait to meet her child and be an 'auntie' to it, but I'm also scared for these next 9 months as it will be a constant reminder that my body can't just give me whatever I want, I have to fight it. And even then the odds are against me. I know I'm not the only one that feels this way, I just feel like I'm drowning in grief and I haven't even lost anything.

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  • I totally know where you're coming from. This is one of the hardest things we have to go through. Watching other people have their babies and pregnancies without the heartache & suffering & roller coaster of emotions that we have to endure. It's a bitter pill to swallow, no doubt about it but I think it's important to try and separate how we feel about our own situation and how we feel about their situation which sounds exactly like what you're doing. We have to live in hope that against all odds our time will come and that one day we'll have a little miracle of our own. Life seems so unfair at times but we've got to rely on our inner strength & keep picking ourselves up. Sending you a big hug πŸ˜™ x x

  • Thank you noodles for your kind reassurance, I agree completely, separating your personal feelings from theirs is so important. Really gives you a drive to keep going! We will get our turn one day and it will be all the more special and valued. Xx

  • I totally know how you feel, we have been trying for 2 years in that time both my sisters have had babies, my best friend is having her second and other best friend is 31 weeks...... Even my mate at work is pregnant!! It's sooooo hard to be surrounded with pregnant people while having fertility treatment, it's hard to stay positive all the time and be rational, saying that don't give up hope - sending you big hug lots of love & good luck 😘 xxxx

  • It's crazy how as soon as you struggle to conceive everyone and their dog is popping babies out! You're right there's no need to lose hope and I'm sure when the time does come for us to be mothers it'll all be worth the emotional pain and despair we go through to get our children. Thank you, good luck to you too 😘 Xx

  • It just doesn't seem fair does it. We have to go through so much and others seem to get pregnant so quickly.

    You sound like a good friend so of course you are pleased for her and looking forward to being an "auntie". But I can understand that you feel gutted for yourself. My best friend told me she was 12 weeks pregnant less than 2 weeks after our first round of treatment ended in a BFN. I was so pleased for her but so upset for myself. We had another BFN 5 weeks before her baby was born. Her baby is lovely and I enjoy seeing them. My friend knows all about our issues and ironically she got pregnant as we were told we needed ICSI. Being told you need IVF is really tough, I felt in shock for quite a few days. IVF will give you a much better chance to have your much wanted baby.

    Good luck.

  • Hi, what you described is a really tough situation. So many of us in this community can relate to the scenerio. I really feel for you. There are good days and bad aren't there. I'm looking after my two nieces today, everytime one of them turns a year older it underlines another year of longing and waiting to have my own child. It's hard. But I still take pleasure from spending time with them.

    In your last paragraph you said you haven't lost anything. I firmly believe I have and that we should feel able to grieve. It's really hard to accept that things we always expected would be in our control and were a birth right so to speak may be out our grasp. I've found it hard to speak to some people about this - but some people immediately understand. Speaking to a counsellor has helped a lot.

    Take care and be strong.

    X

  • Sorry it has taken so long to reply to you I came down with the flu and hadn't got round to replying but your words have really made me think and I truly appreciate that perspective of grieving. Sometimes all you need is for someone else to say what you're really feeling for it to make sense. Thank you. X

  • Hi, I'm glad that something I said helped.

    A couple of days ago one of my best friends told me she was pregnant again and it took me back to such a negative and bitter place. Normally I'm so rational but something kicked in and I really 'felt' the loss again and the disappointment. It's weird because I was expecting that sooner of later she would persuade her partner to start trying again but it came as such a shock, and is so polarising. I've picked myself up again and feeling a bit better now.

    Someone said 'be kind to yourself' - this helps me get over these nasty resentful feelings.

    X

  • I so do feel your pain! Pregnancy announcements and baby showers are the worst events ever! We also tried for over 3 years. I was told within 8 months that I wouldn't be able to conceive naturally and that IVF would be my only option if at all. I really struggled with this and was very bitter and angry for a long time. I spent a lot of money on counselling which really really helped me through it. I had to wait about 2 yrs for all my operations to be complete (severe endo) before my IVF referral. and still the news got worse (PCOS). However, eventually the drugs worked and I got through my first cycle and I'm now nearly 20 weeks! I can not tell you how much I appreciate every little moment and never take anything for granted! It's rubbish and hard for the whole journey but please please never give up. I really didn't think it could ever happen but sometimes we do get our little miracles. Good luck, keep strong and definitely keep going xxxxx

  • Thank you Ellie for sharing your positive story! Congrats and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly, you deserve every moment of it. X

  • Bless you. I know exactly how that feels. 4 years in and one of my friends has managed to have 3! (Twins +1)

    Keep staying positive. What I have noticed though lately is the more people I talk to I realise just how many women struggle... We are definitely not alone.

    I was talking to an older family member the other day, I'd always presumed had chosen not to have a family. Well after telling her about our struggles she opened up to me about going for IVF in the 70s 80s. They gave up due to stress in the end (processes and peoples opinions have come a long way since then)

    Keep talking and don't be afraid to take some time out away from friends baby world if it helps. True friends will understand =)

    Xx

  • So very true! We are more than just statistics on paper, we are women who need to support each other through this tough journey. It makes it so much easier, thank you Madge. X

  • I feel your pain hunni - almost all my friend have either recently had babies or are currently pregnant and like you I am over the moon for all of them but it hurts....stay strong xx

  • Thank you Karen. If you ever need to chat you're welcome to private message me. It is hard to keep all these mixed emotions bottled up. Xx

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