No hope left 😪

[Birdwithnoname]

Depressed post sorry. It just didn’t happen for us and we tried everything. I’m 37. We’ve had 3 cycles, with 4 transfers and 7 embryos. We’ve had icsi, picsi, pimsi , scratch, fresh endometrium after hysteroscope, steroids and aspirin, all the best supplements and followed the ‘it starts with the egg’ book and took DHEA. All transfers went well, had hormones monitored to check progesterone high enough post transfer, and nothing seemed to have gone wrong. However private clinic have said “it appears your oocytes (eggs) don’t have the capacity to implant.” My hormones are ok - low FSh and AMH ok and not changed in 3 years. I know I’m old. Perhaps my oocytes never had the capacity to implant or perhaps I left it too late. Every time it fails I feel like someone is trying to tell me something and that it’s pointless trying again. Why go through it again just be heartbroken? I know some people try many many times before success but the longer it goes on the older I get....

my partner is now going through the depression of failure and grieving for what could have been, and that’s hard, after he has always had so much hope.

I can feel the empty nest syndrome creeping on, and I keep having visions of us rattling around in a house built for a family with just the 2 of us there. Getting old and having no kiddies to come and visit and meaningless christmases.

He keeps telling me how young and attractive I look to him which I should be greatful for, but what’s the point in a body that has no purpose?? I don’t want sex because it also seems pointless as it’s not going to make a baby. That is so stupid I know. (I know there is no hope of it happening naturally because partner has antisperm antibodies)

I don’t want to go out and make the effort. Nothing seems to have any meaning.

[Ddivya]

Really sorry to hear about your state. But trust and faith are big words. Dont loose Hope's. It's just a hard time for you n your parterner. Keeping high morale helps a lot in these cases. Why dont u try meditation also? Btw Did u try surrogacy??

[infertilitywarsg]

Hi Birdwithnoname ! I'm really sorry about what happened to you and your partner. It's really difficult for people who undergo this kind of problems.

I actually created a blog:

infertilitywarsg.wordpress....

I want to spread awareness about Infertility and how people fight against it. I know that this may not help you right now, but I hope you can feel that there are people like us who really understands you.

[Hidden]

This is my story tonight, I feel lonely, useless...I'm crying no stop, thinking in my child less life in the future. I'm inconsolable at this moment. Thinking of you, know that you have someone here to talk. You are not alone. Send you strength & a friendly cyber hug!

[Birdwithnoname in reply to Hidden]

So sorry to hear that angel xxx

[Hidden]

Im so sorry you are going through such a rough time. May sound obvious but have you even spoken to another clinic? It seems very abrupt to just say your eggs don't implant. My sister had 7 cycles and a friend had 9 before they got their babies.. I am not advocating that necessarily but sometimes it really is just luck. Hugs xx