Apologies for this post. I’m just having a bad day and know there will be someone out there who can sympathise!
I’ll also start with saying if you are considering a hysterectomy, please don’t let this post put you off!
I had a total hysterectomy 8.5 weeks ago and in the whole I’m doing good. Already walking 2 miles every morning and back to work part time. I’m 45 and decided everything should go.
Got my histology this week that confirmed what I already knew - widespread endo and widespread adeno and a little surprise - fibroids! I wasn’t aware of those or the cyst on my right ovary that was found on the earlier MRI.
I’m really grateful I got the surgery as wait lists are very long. I’ve already lost my appendix due to this ugly condition so after that report I feel I’ve definitely made the right decision.
Now, one thing I wasn’t expecting (despite hours of research) was the fact that I can barely fit into any of my clothes 😢 yes I bought dungarees (and lived in them for the first 4 weeks) and a ‘lounge suit’ in a bigger size as even my pjs didn’t fit. But I’m off to visit my extended family this weekend and I just want to feel comfortable AND look nice/feel like myself.
I really didn’t expect to be so big and look so pregnant this far along. It’s even uncomfortable trying things on. And equally as demoralising looking in the mirror.
Why is this bothering me so much? Am I being impatient or expecting too much?
I also feel ridiculous putting this out there when there is so many worse things going on in the world.
Can anyone empathise/offer advice?
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Hi! Thanks for sharing! I do know exactly how you feel! I haven't had a hysterectomy (yet, also have adeno so it may be in my future!) but I felt exactly the same after my Lap and excision. I felt like I had a football in my tummy for weeks and even after that reduced I still felt so uncomfortable in my clothes. Like you I also felt a bit bad feeling so bad about it, as in scheme of things I was so lucky the op had gone well otherwise. But I think it's just about feeling so out of control of your own body and also so much of how we view ourselves as women is tied up in how we look, even if we really don't feel like we're that fussed about it (I didn't think my shape was so important to me until all of a sudden it really was)! I ended up going to my local charity shop (Red cross, my fave, but I do also work for them 🤣) and bought some clothes a size up and wore them for a wee while. It's 9 months since my lap and the other day I wore some of my old jeans and actually felt comfy in them for the first time. Our bodies take time to recover from things and we just have to give them time! I realised forcing myself in to clothes that were still tight and uncomfy made me clench and hold my muscles in which just made the pain I did have worse and probably not helping much with recovery. Once I went up a size I felt so much more comfy and my body could relax too. And no one else even noticed. Obvs! Also charity shop shopping was way more fun than I had realised!
Thank you for replying 😁 funnily enough, I wandered around the local charity shops yesterday to see if I could find anything. You make a good point that no one knows what size clothes I am wearing so I should just get a few items In a size up and get on with it! Best of luck to you x
For some it seems the additional weight post op never goes - hormones come into play too- but as others suggest you have to accept your body has changed and dress comfortably and don’t worry what others think 😘xxx
Isn’t it pants … dealt with the villain✅ Been through hell on the way, battled the hurdles, done the drugs, diet, smiled, cried ( public and private) kept on with life and all you want to do now is inhabit the outer layer of glam to make you feel a bit, like well, frankly normal. This thing can steal so much of the inner wellbeing and peace let alone then rob one of our world facing version. Aligning the you that you feel comfortable with with the well the car crash version that endo can deliver from time to time.
Since last August I gave in to the current drama and bought slip on shoes ( couldn’t bend ), Loose shirts, elasticated trousers in fabric I could bear. I swear have worn the same outfits for months now. Have allowed a couple of larger pjs in glamorous fabric because have had to wear them a lot. Yup , I do feel like part of me has slipped out the door but am determined to find a more relaxed endo friendly wardrobe that doesn’t entirely kill the fragile sense of self that needs to tackle the next phase of getting and staying well. I’ve struggled sometimes to be kind to this poor body that has had to endure so much for many years expecting it not to respond physically to its hardships. I grieve what it and I have gone through together. So I understand where you’re at , rock some beautiful loose fabrics, scarves, hair to make you feel wonderful so the shit days can be a little glam. You’ll get there couragio ! 💖💝💖
Hi there - in answer to your question of are you expecting too much, I would say you’re putting too much pressure on yourself! It took a long time for all my swelling and puffiness to go down and I completely understand that feeling of not looking like myself/attractive etc.
But I kept telling myself that my body has been through so much pain and now the hysterectomy and I was starting to feel so much better and felt so proud of myself for taking the huge step (I was 33, but just had enough of it).
So I recommend doing what I did - remind yourself regularly that you are a beautiful, strong, Queen, who looks amazing because you are amazing. Then go get yourself some bigger sized clothes that make you feel good. You’ll have plenty of time to get yourself back into your old clothes if you want to once you’re healed. But for now, give your body and yourself a break and a huge round of applause! 💙
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