Crying, emotional 3 weeks post hysterectomy

[Tboag]

Hi all, hope your all doing well,

I'm 3 weeks tomorrow post hysterectomy and excision of endo, I'm doing well I think, had a bad day yesterday, think I did a little to much the few day prior,

But I can't stop crying, now my husband and I have had a few words, now his been really good looking after the house and cooking, and kids been doing there bit, but that's where it's stopped, I don't no if I'm being real selfish or if I'm right in thinking he should have done more,

From the beginning,

Peter and 3 sons cone to hospital with flowers and fruit, lovely

I came home from hospital to a changed bed but messy bedroom, I thought he could have made it look nice and even add a candle or 2!

Then nothing, but feed and watered, no little pressies no special effects ECT ECT

Then he goes out to do some shopping and bought himself a pair of football boots and a jet wash, then on my first proper walk around the park, he took a call from someone from work, his on night, and talked for 10 mins out of the 20 that we was there for

What is the matter with men/him, am I expecting too much or do you agree his been selfish?

Now I can't stop crying, tried telling him how I feel, that I want to feel special, loved, wowed, I want to say, wow my husband was brilliant when I was ill and had my hysterectomy, but I cant, because I don't think he has been,

He thinks his done brilliant because his going to work, shopping, cooking, cleaning.

But only doing a small proportion of what I would normally do, but I only ever worked part time.

Rant over, fed up with doing nothing, and feeling very low

Xxx

[dk1136]

Awww babe I'm so sorry to hear your having a down day I know exactly what you mean but men just don't think like we do (nice little candles etc) it is probably just your hormones all over the place, we expect them to know exactly what we want etc, I'm really glad you have this group to vent out at though, just be grateful for cleaning and cooking etc, I might b lucky to get fed but not the cleaning part lol, anytime u want to moan message me xx

[Tboag in reply to dk1136]

Thank DK, I no, I shouldn't moan, his Goid really, I just want him to think about me, and not the house, xxx

[confusedandworried in reply to Tboag]

I'm afraid I've yet to meet a man who can multi-task 😜. Splitting their focus by trying to do loads of tasks and be compassionate is a difficult concept for them to grasp! I love my hubby dearly but the simple fact of the matter is (& he actually agrees) that woman in general tend to be better and "doing it all". It think we're the emotionally stronger speices because we've had to be. I say to my husband men just haven't evolved. Deep down they're still caveman bashing an animal over the head and dragging it home for dinner then the woman does everything else whilst they're exhausted from doing that one thing! Can't live with them, can't live without them... 😜, Jo

[Mummy1982]

Aw hun

So sorry that you are feeling emotional, I hope you a feeling a bit better now.

I think men just don't think like we do, I think they try to show It on there way, I think it's sometimes just not the way we wish that they would. Xx

[Brownlow]

Men just can't second guess what we require and the simple creatures need to be told and managed nicely. I even told my husband not to get flowers but instead made him bring me to the flower display at some supermarket, chose loads of flowers and he paid for them! He would have chosen something awful and paid too much and he seemed happy with the plan.

A week after surgery he went off on a week's golf holiday! My sister helped out for a couple of days (much better service!) and my nephew stayed a few days to be my servant. Otherwise, husband would have been overloaded with being the only one supporting me.

Don't forget that your husband has been through a lot too even though he might not show it outwardly or even admit it to himself. It can be scary to see our loved ones go through surgery and have to do everything to keep the home running, care for the patient, look after kids and work on top of it all and end up doing none of of those things particularly well.

If the cleanliness and tidiness of our home was left to my husband it would look (and smell) like a rugby locker room and he'd think it was fine. (not a football changing room - they smell of lynx and hair products) That's his standard. So I'd say your husband has very different standards to you and genuinely thinks he's done brilliantly. If you get into comparing you won't get anywhere. He's doing the best he can with what he has.

Might be good to explain that the op means you're all over the place and anything will make you cry. It's not you, it's the surgery! Blame it on that. I didn't have a hysterectomy but fairly major surgery. For a few weeks after I would suddenly get this urge to cry so I just cried and then it would pass. The surgery was quite a shock to my system so I'm not surprised. Sometimes we don't need a reason to cry so best not look for one and pin it on that.

I'll stop rambling. I hope you feel better soon.

[Tboag]

Thanks ladies, ive had my moan cried by myself and now cried all over him, explained that I want him to do what I would do but excepted that it's not going to be, so I'm/ we are much better now,

It's annoying to think ive explained it all and nothing will change, but like you say brown low, we are just do different, and we are certainly better carers than men,

I love him to bits, so I'll just let him get on with it all his way,

Hope you ladies are all well

X

[jvg69 in reply to Tboag]

Chin up, they are clueless! I had surgery came home next day, for days on end I was in solitary! Ignored, offered water and toast a couple of times a day and that was it! He didn't even have to cook, as I had done it all before the op, but I still didn't get any! Would have been better off in prison! Hope you feel better soon. Really hope my tale of woe makes you smile x

[Tiredofbeingalone]

I am also 3 weeks out and feel the same way. I sob and sob. My husband was ehh, for week one but I have done everything since. He is no help. But then again he wasn't before so I don't know why I am suprised. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for your post.