I'm 22 and Sex is too painful.: I have been... - Endometriosis UK

Endometriosis UK

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I'm 22 and Sex is too painful.

Ljhh profile image
Ljhh
16 Replies

I have been diagnosed with endo just 6 weeks ago but have been suffering with this for 3/4 years. I knew I had it as my mother and my sister have been diagnosed with it. The pain is constant but it seems to have worsened since the op and I'm not sure if that's normal? I spoke to my gynaecologist but she told me "im too young" and that "it shouldn't be hurting" as i have had the op.. I also don't want sex and although my partner is really helpful and supportive, it does put a strain on us both.. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this? It still hurts but I don't know whether I create the pain myself as I'm so nervous and scared to have sex. The gynaecologist told me to start a family straight away, but I wouldn't be able to do that with the pain.

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Ljhh profile image
Ljhh
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16 Replies
luthien profile image
luthien

Oh dear, sounds awful :(

When you were diagnosed did they also remove the endo? If so sometimes that can cause pain while it is healing. Sometimes it can take months to heal completely.

There's no age for the pain; once you start cycles and have endo you'll have the symptoms. And from reading on here you're definitely not too young to be investigated to see what options are available to you to treat it and manage it successfully.

Sadly too many doctors force the choice of pregnancy or hysterectomy; both which will not cure endo. Being pregnant will stop the symptoms for that time, but you still have it, treatment before is best. having a hysterectomy only removes endo on the uterus, leaving the rest intact, removing ovaries will stop cyclical symptoms; but still requires removal of endo currently there for successful management.

I can understand why the feeling of being in pain would put you off having sex, it's not in your head. It's good that you have a supportive partner, I have that too and it definitely helps but I do agree it does put strain on the relationship as you can't be as intimate as you'd like and need and want.

You definitely need to have more investigations done. Perhaps find another specialist for a second opinion. It is your body and your choice :)

Ljhh profile image
Ljhh in reply to luthien

Yes they removed the endo, the dr told me it would only take 2 weeks to heal but it's been about 6 weeks now and I still feel the same (if not worse) since the op.

How do you cope with the pain?

Thank you, hopefully I can get this sorted sooner rather than later ☺️X

Caranne profile image
Caranne in reply to Ljhh

Hey Ive had similar experience, 6 weeks after surgery and I'm getting pain in similar places.I did read that it can take up to 12 weeks for tissue to start healing and while it heals you get the same pain as before.Hope pain improves for you X

Lulububs profile image
Lulububs in reply to Ljhh

Oh no no no no NO!!! Lol

I had the lap and endo taken off and i was told 8-12 weeks heal. My actual gp who is a blessing has been through all same stuff told me she could not have sex for 3 months. So u are way to early!!! So i would just chill out ...

Enjoy ur partner without sex he will enjoy anything u give him as he just wants reassurance ur ok as a couple.... ive not had sex with my partner for 8 month after as i have been so sore internally so i now see a pelvic floor specialist ... i have got super anxious and tight down there ( tmi) so im just trying to relax it all.

It like my vagina in trauma lol

princessk09 profile image
princessk09

Hey, I’m 18 and have painful sex so I know exactly how you are feeling. My new boyfriend doesn’t know it hurts as I’m scared to tell him due to my ex not understanding.

I haven’t been diagnosed yet but it’s definitely frustrating being young and not able to have sex

Ljhh profile image
Ljhh in reply to princessk09

I think you should talk to your boyfriend about it and just talk him through it, it was hard for my boyfriend to understand but I took him to dr appointments and he would ask questions himself to under stand it better :) have you been to the drs yet?

princessk09 profile image
princessk09 in reply to Ljhh

It’s just hard but I have a hospital appointment next week. He has been supportive and stuff when I’m in pain but until I have a diagnosis, I might wait to tell him about sex

Hi your not alone I'm 24 and sex is so painful for me, just had the lap havnt had sex since so I don't know if that's going to help. But I dread having sex. Recently started seeing someone and have just put off having sex can't bring myself to do it.

I know this isn't good advice to give out or advice to be given but some people have said to have a drink beforehand to maybe relax me a little but still don't know how that's going to help or have a painkiller beforehand x

Ljhh profile image
Ljhh in reply to

I hope everything went well for yourself.

I find having a drink kind of helps but I have to be quite drunk haha but I find that it numbs it tbh. Painkillers don't help, they prescribed me mefenamic acid and strong co-codomol but they just make me spaced out and don't help with any pain 🙄

It's so annoying how do you cope with the pain?x

in reply to Ljhh

Thank you, well had 3 period since and pain had been the same 🙄 and everything else is still the same but I just think at least it's cleared out that's the main thing!

Yeah I know what you mean with drink 😂and the fact that we go in knowing it hurts doesn't make things any easier. Yeah especially the co - codomol will make you feel sleepy.

I try to do a lot of foreplay before hand, so that can help a little bit and to be honest I just grit my teeth and get on with it I have never been able to get to the end, I always have to get them to stop and the they have to finish off which luckily none of the guys I have been with have minded. The thing is the end result is the same for them I just think as long they get a bit of sex and then just finish off, if they complain or moan then they can get lost 👋🏼 unfortunately we just have to accept it will never be pleasurable but as long as you can make it bearable. And all I can say is communicate with your partner, maybe dress up, and do things like that so it's not all about penetrative sex and just make that a small part of it x

Thats awful that your gynaeo said that to you! Have you asked about vaginismus, which is the tightening of the pelvic muscles which makes sex very painful (you say you think you might be 'creating' the pain as you're scared it will hurt again, which could be a huge part of vaginismus), or even pelvic floor issues, I have trigger spots inside where the muscles are so tight! These could be things to look into which can hopefully provide you some relief! Fingers crossed for you! x

Ljhh profile image
Ljhh in reply to

I know it's made me feel even more useless, I've had so much time off work I had to finish just to focus on my health.

I've never heard of that. Thanks for advising me, I'll look into it and book a drs appointment.

Thanks for the reply and advise 😃X

in reply to Ljhh

Yeah, I went in about 2 years ago and said I couldn't have sex as it was too painful and was given dilators to try and stretch the muscles, they worked like a dream, the pain is still there internally but thats from 20 years of anxiety and that affecting my pelvic floor muscles, so there's no quick fix but there are definite steps in the right direction x

Starry profile image
Starry

Big hugs. I related to this a lot. I had dyspareunia all my life, it strained both my first marriage and my second. I lost the ability to make love completely autumn last year. I had excision surgery in July for a 3.2 cm RV endo nodule. It had damaged my vagina badly and I lost 4 cm2 of it in a partial vulvectomy repair. I've been trying after my all clear a couple of months ago. But it's still extremely painful.

I had a 5 month check up and my gynae said partly it's negative past experience but partly that the septum has been split by the surgery which normally allows the vagina to slide smoothly with no friction and that will only heal over time with practice. He recommended me to buy a specific amielle vaginal trainer off Amazon (the comfort one with cd) and to try that.

SarahMia227 profile image
SarahMia227

I could have written this word for word - also 22, also struggling with painful sex, also with a supportive partner (but obviously, not having sex is not ideal for most relationships...)

I find the painful sex very, very difficult to deal with, and I've been feeling really depressed and unattractive recently. I don't think we're allowed to mention practitioners or hospitals, but I've just started seeing a vaginal physiotherapist. She thinks that the pain I'm experiencing is a combination of the endo and also kind of conditioned (like, I've had so much painful sex my body now expects it and then it hurts.)

Private message me if you'd like more information - and it would also be nice just to talk to someone else in the same position I am!

Ljhh profile image
Ljhh in reply to SarahMia227

Oh wow I think we're going through the same thing! I'll private message you in the morning to find out how you went about it And how you're coping ☺️X

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