Sorry everyone needing a vent. So I have stage 4 endometriosis and adenomyosis. I struggle a lot with pain and although have never had a day off sick from work, I know it's obvious some days I struggle. I've also had previous time off for operations.A colleague (who for reference is 50) has just had a hysterectomy for heavy bleeding but during the op they found adenomyosis, fibroids and an endometrioma. She had no idea and maintains she had no pain beforehand.
Now however she is telling everyone we work with, how patients with endo/adeno exaggerate their pain, she had all of these things wrong and had no pain so how can these people claim it's so bad? She's back to work after 6 weeks and I've been told my gp to be off for 12 weeks after my surgery as needing a lot removed/hysterectomy etc. So she's also saying that people don't need any more than 4 weeks off.
Some of my colleagues (particularly the male ones) are taking everything she's saying as the truth and making me look and feel completely pathetic.
It doesn't matter what I say now, the damage has been done.
I just found it all very upsetting and needed a rant😪
Written by
KM1986
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Do you have HR? I’d make a complaint. If not, complain to your manager/or hers. Perhaps make a suggestion to educate the wider business on the challenges of living with Endometriosis.
All cases are different. She’s fortunate to not have suffered but unfortunately we’re not all that lucky. It’s inappropriate for her to be dictating how little time you’ll need to recover, everybody heals differently. How narrow minded.
Hopefully you have a supportive manager who can be trusted to deal with it on your behalf. Confronting the situation can be a challenge but I’ve always found calling out shitty behaviour through the appropriate channels quickly puts a stop to it. People only treat you the way you allow them to.
What a shame she’s using it against you though. She should be offering support given it’s something you have in common. People can be terribly disappointing!
Oh gosh I am so sorry. That sounds horrendous. I’d feel so upset (I do for you) and really this is bullying behaviour.
Bizarrely her adenomyosis and fibroids was causing such heavy bleeding she opted to go for major surgery yet she’s now saying she was fine?! Just because she didn’t suffer pain doesn’t mean she is a hero. Perhaps she hasn’t had it as long, it’s not as inflammatory a type, or hasn’t had nerve growth and tissue destruction to lead to pain. Her adenomyosis could have been very mild and having an endometrioma doesn’t mean she had widespread pelvic/beyond endo. There’s plenty of people who have silent endo as well and only discovered eg due to fertility issue but that doesn’t mean our condition is the exact same.
Diseases are often a large continuum of presentations. This does not mean that those who suffer are making it up. It’s like comparing someone with ulcerative colitis who has one short episode in their 20s and never needs long term meds, to someone who has severe chronic colitis and needs colectomy and stoma. Or an MS patient who has mild form of relapsing remitting episodes where they recover fully between and have mild relapses (clearly still a difficult condition), to those who have devastating progressive neurological losses and early mortality. My grandma had a mild Alzheimer’s dementia in her 80s (which was clearly not easy) but it’s not the same as my partner’s mum’s Alzheimer’s who is already in a care home in her 60s despite both having the same label. Or someone with high functioning autism with someone who has severe learning difficulties and is non verbal. (I’m not devaluing the difficulties around having the diagnoses at any end of a spectrum just that we shouldn’t view it as all the same or expect that all people with the same diagnosis label with all have the exact same symptoms or need the exact same adjustments, help or treatment).
I would either try and educate if you can, but if it’s too much stress, know that you are protected by disability discrimination law and carry on with whatever adjustments and time off YOU need. Sending hugs. It just sounds so awful!
how dare she!!!!!!!! How lucky she has been that she hasn’t had pain!!!!! And how out of touch. I didn’t know I had endo until a laparoscopy as I didn’t have pain and I thank my lucky stars everyday that I didn’t cause I think women who do are absolute warriors.
Wowee! How I wish this was Twitter because if it was Twitter, I’d suggest a staple gun. Mouth & pelvic region. But it’s not Twitter so I can!t say those things but I can say Yes yes HR the eff outta her. And perhaps you need an advocate to come in to your workplace for a few hours to Educate All employees & employers about Endo and how some are warriors and some who are like me and suffer so badly with it I can make plans but often never follow through due to extremes of pain and exhaustion. How it takes over your entire life. How confused I was as to why I was never getting pregnant for more than a few days at a time. The challenge it creates in all your relationships. The ongoing challenges with drs who think you are drug seeking when All you need is for the pain to stop, just to give you a break do you feel like you aren’t going mad. The ambulance call outs. The embarrassment. And what’s with her 6 weeks off but you only need four hypocritical stance. Ok, woah this turned into a rant also but I hope in some way I’ve helped. Perhaps you could omit a few things from my reply and email them to her and anyone else in this particular group who are willing. Best of luck and know we’ve got you and would love to hear your future m intentions and how it all works out. Sending hugs, SP. 😊🌷
Your male (and female) colleagues who don't have the conditions will be confused as some will have their own female partners and family members with the conditions who are affected differently.
If you aren't in a workplace were you can challenge her directly then you do need to go to HR and your boss about her "announcements". As her behaviour is out of order and ableist as like many conditions they are a spectrum and some women are disabled by the conditions.
The fact that she needed a hysterectomy shows that she herself was nearly disabled by it. (It will be interesting to see how she gets on with HRT due to having had endo, and the problems with sudden lack of oestrogen.)
It would be like me for example saying a colleague's arthritis isn't bad because I have it and I am fully mobile with limited pain. When in reality I know people who bed bound due to it and need aids to walk.
I don't know how large your employer is but both the medium sized and large ones I have worked for have had women's health groups. So when issues covering endo or adeno have arisen there have been people around who have willing educate others on the conditions. You can also talk to people in the group about your own problems.
Hi I'm so sorry to hear this. She has no right to say such things, there are different levels of endometriosis for a start. Some people find smears painful some don't so should we bad mouth those that find a smear painful, definitely not. Can you put a complaint into Human resources. Sending you a big safe hug 🤗❤️
For me smears have always hurt like hell and I’ve dreaded them since my first. Apparently I have a 🩷 shaped cervix which was quite hard to see so cranking away they went with that medieval device. Urgh. Thanks for pointing it out and also to all who have pointed out how individuals feel pain in their own individual way and one size does Not fit all. Best and hugs to all 🌷
It's awful isn't it that some people can be so unkind and dismissive. I'm sorry you're smears are painful, they're horrible enough as it is. Hugs to you too 🤗
Totally can understand that you're upset! (I think it makes many readers upset reading it!)I am one of the lucky ones with silent endometriosis (only discovered due to a cyst rupture, which was actually really painful). But I am totally aware, that for most endo patients this is an extremely painful condition. I would never ever not appreciate the suffering of others who are less lucky.
It is well known that, for example, there is no correlation between the extent of the desease and the pain that is felt by the patient.
How dare she styling herself as a tough lady on the backs of real suffering!! Making yourself look like a hero by disregarding the pain of others!
This is outrageous!
As previously suggested, talk to HR or manager, explain how different endometriosis is experienced.
Hugs, it's is so disheartening and heartbreaking when someone is so irresponsible. It's such a problem isn't it when people think that their experience is the whole story and universal rather than understanding that this is a complex disease. Luckily for her she has no idea or pain but it is exceptionally rare. It's one thing if she were just in a social circle, but she's not she's at work and that's causing problems for you.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Adenomyosis, and hysterectomy 
Consultant saying I "need" to try the chemical menopause before I have an hysterectomy. But I don't want this. Very concerned.
I’m so excited!
Going back to work?
Can endometriosis be missed during a laparoscopy?
