Currently I feel I have nobody to speak to, who would actually care. My brain feels like it's going to explode so I'll just explode here lol.
I'm the middle child, but I'm the one with my shit together. I'm active, I bodybuild/powerlift, do cardio, my diet isn't perfect but it's not a car crash either. I've worked so hard for 2 years to get my pharmacy technician qualification (off my own back), and jumped straight to a senior position because I smashed it, to be blunt. I worked fucking hard so I deserved it. On top of this I've had to go back and forth to the doctors about constant stomach pains. The bloat is insane, I can't sit or stand comfortably, the pain can take my breathe away and question wether I need to throw up or poop myself. It's all because of endometriosis. I can't poop without pain, my stomach is always looking pregnant so I can't feel confident in anything. It hurts to have sex most the time but I have to pretend it doesn't so my marriage doesn't break down.
This is a big mope, I'm due in a couple days so that's probably why haha I'm not normally like this when I'm myself.
My sister is lazy, she plus computer games, eats shit, doesn't do any exercise and has a job that was handed to her. In the house she does no housework, I do everything even tho I don't do it often because I'm fed up of being the only one who does anything. I'm out of the house at 5, I'm home at 7/8.
Most days I am tired, I'm fed up and upset because of constant pain.
My sister gets something called costoconditis and all of sudden the world moves for her. I have no sympathy. I feel like an utter bitch and I hate myself for it. But my brain just thinks oh man up, you got life easy. I hate that I think that and I really try to stop it.
My husband doesn't like to get involved when I'm having a shit mental day. I have an eating disorder mixed with anxiety depression blah blah whatever. I don't care for names. I get sad and angry and I cry, I beat myself up (sometimes literally). And he doesn't want to know. I tell him I'm struggling and he doesn't think to help. He says I don't ask for it. He gets down too, and when he does he doesn't ask for help, yet I'm there holding him and wiping his snotty nose until he's ok.
Nobody seems to give a shit about my achievements or when I'm struggling. And that's the harsh reality of the world. You deserve nothing, unless you work for it. But sometimes I just don't want to work so hard. I want to be lazy. I want to not care about every damn thing in my life and I want to just be ok.
None of this probably made any sense. Heyho, my tummy hurts and I'll just keep drinking this mocha that I'm terribly disappointed with