I need advice..

[emcoll]

This kind of has to do with endo, but also about pregnancy. At the doctors, they told me I have a big decision to make, now. Do I want kids, or do I not? Well the answer is yes. I do. I'd be genuinely heartbroken if I couldn't have them. She said if I want them, the sooner I have them, the sooner my endo can be sorted. If I didn't want kids, she could treat me now, but later if I decided to have kids, I wouldn't be able to have them because the treatment would be irreversible. I'm really stuck on what to do. My family hold a particular stance on that you shouldn't have kids until your late 20's, but I know that if I did have a baby sooner rather than later, they would fully support us and never turn us away. Well I'm about to turn 18 and am not willing to go through another 10 years of pain to find out we left it too late. I'm just so fed up of the pain, part of me wants to say "screw it, I know I'm young but at the end of the day it's going to help me, so what if people judge, they don't know the story". My partner believes that it will help, but doesn't want to rush me into anything whilst I'm not ready.

Someone please help? I'm so paranoid about the stigma that comes attached to teen/earlier pregnancies, especially where I come from. This is a really sensitive topic for me and would greatly appreciate some kind advice

Thanks, Em

[Hidden]

Can you afford a baby? You say that if you had one, your family wouldn't turn you away - does that mean you would expect them to house and pay for you and your child?

If that's the case then I'm really sorry, but you're not in a position to be a parent. I'm not saying you have to wait ten years, but you have to think about whether or not you can realistically care for a child right now. No-one can tell you that you can't have a child - that's up to you. But you need to think carefully about what you have to offer a child right now - their welfare has to be your priority. If you can't offer a child what they would need (and I'm not talking a 4 bed detached and a new car, but a basic standard of living) then it isn't fair to have a baby until you can.

I would also suggest looking into finding another doctor and getting a second opinion.

[emcoll in reply to Hidden]

We are in a position where we could afford it comfortably. Of course I wouldn't expect them house or pay for our child, what I meant by not turning us away is that they wouldn't disown me or refuse to talk to me, they'd be more than happy to be there for us if we ever needed it. I've been in this pain for 6 years now and we're in a position where we could provide a good upbringing for the baby. Chances are that it's going to take at least a year of trying before anything successful, and then obviously a further 9 months, so if it happened sooner rather than later, I'd be nearing 20, which gives us another nearly 2 years worth of saving. Of course the baby's welfare and quality of life would be the most important thing to us and I would never let that get affected, and I would never even think about having a child unless I was 100% happy with the conditions they would be brought up in.

I'm due to see another consultant next week, which is a previous one I've been with to talk about what all of my options are, but obviously I'm reaching a crucial point where I can't continue to live like this for much longer.

Thanks for the advice.

[Hidden in reply to emcoll]

If you have your own place, are paying your own bills and could fund nursery fees (or manage without working) for the next 5 years then you're in a position to do it. From what you've said, are they suggesting you need a hysterectomy?

[VW17]

You don't necessarily have to have children right away. They may want to rule out sterilisation as an option. There are avenues to explore like freezing eggs for later in your life. My first child was unplanned and my second was born when I was in my early 20s. It wasn't and isn't easy. If I had waited I probably wouldn't be a parent right now. Tell your doctor you want children when you are in a better position to parent and ask them to explore all avenues. Good luck xxx

[emcoll in reply to VW17]

I've exhausted nearly every option they are willing to try on me at my age. They said if my next operation doesn't work, then it's time to start really thinking what I want. I'm just so worried about everything, because my sister has the exact same problem and she's reached 21 and can't have kids now. She's devastated. Obviously I'd like to wait a little longer, but that comes with side effects - such as the endo pain. She said I really need to think about how much longer I'm going to have to suffer. I wouldn't just be doing it to get rid of the pain, I'd love them unconditionally of course and do everything I possibly could to care and love and give them the best upbringing we possibly could. I'm just really worried because the pain is getting worse and worse and nothing else is working

Thank you for the advice xxx

[VW17]

I hope things work out for you. Xxx

[emcoll in reply to VW17]

Thank you xxx

[Laur4242]

I would also go and speak to a fertility clinic about what can be done to support you with the different options. I fell pregnant with my son quickly and then my endo grew rapidly and I had no idea. I was fobbed off with the pain and referred for support with IBS. We'd been trying for almost 2 years when the pain felt unbearable and something didn't feel right. Again my gp fobbed me off and said I had a child so everything would be fine. We went ahead to have tests privately and within seconds of scanning me they discovered 2 8x9cm endometriomas in each ovaries that were crushing everything and stuck to my bladder, bowel and colon. It was a mess. I was devastated! I was given 2 choices, wait and try to conceive (however they'd continue to grow and potentially rupture so I'd have to have an emergency hysterectomy to save my life) or have them removed and potentially go into early menopause as they were large and it would mean removing healthy ovarian tissue to fully get rid of them. I was given this information by a top surgeon/consultant/IVF expert. I went ahead with the op, there was no real choice for me and a year later, after really struggling emotionally, I'm pleased to say I'm 4 months pregnant! I found out the week before our appointment to plan our IVF journey. I've been told the same, to have children as quick as I can and then have a hysterectomy...however, the difference being I'm 34, married and have been desperately trying to have more children for almost 3 years.

I think talking to your partner and having an open and honest conversation about your feelings with your family would be good. Throughout this journey my family have seen descend into in dark place and felt helpless to make it better. I know my my mum and husband would have done anything to take the pain away. All they will want is for you to be happy and have a good life!

[emcoll in reply to Laur4242]

I know what it feels like to just be fobbed off and have nobody believe you. It's so infuriating and I'm sorry this happened to you too. I suffer with cysts that appear on my ovaries every month, although the cause of this is unknown.

Congratulations! I hope everything goes smoothly!

I've talked to my partner about it and he said he hates seeing me go through all of this, and agrees that I need to do what's best for me. My family are not so easy to talk to on this front. Although, saying this, they would never turn me away and want what's best for me and the pain. If my mum came with me to the appointments when they suggested this, I know that although it would take some getting used to, she would help me in any way she could. I'm due to speak to another consultant next week about all of this. I'm just so worried because I'm young and afraid of people judging without knowing the full story.

Thanks for the advice and the help!

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

What do your parents think about the current situation you are in? I think you need to discuss it with them as you are obviously concerned about what your family will think. They know you best and may have helpful advice.

I know plenty of women who have been great young parents. It's not that uncommon in the area where I work. You're an adult and I believe our bodies were designed to have babies younger than in our late twenties, no matter how society works today.

But you need to be aware of the huge impact it will have on your own career prospects and also if you don't know many other young parents in your area then it could be quite lonely. That's not insurmountable though, and there are people who rush into having a baby for far worse reasons.

[emcoll in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

They think that whilst yes I'm only young, they know that if I went ahead, I'd be doing it for the right reasons. I'm taking my mum with me to see another consultant next week, so she can be with me when they give me advice.

Some of the girls I went to high school with fell pregnant at 16, and as far as I'm aware they've been great parents. I'm not so worried about how we'll look after a baby, it's the stigma that comes attached to teen pregnancies, or pregnancies earlier than 'society deems acceptable'.

Obviously I know that it would have a huge impact on our lives, for the better of course but nevertheless, it would be a huge impact. I know a few young mums and single mums, in fact my cousin has just turned 21 and she had her baby just before turning 20 and she's one of the best mums I've ever known.

Everything is just stressing me out and I don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you for your help and advice

[SEB88]

Hi, is this dr that is saying this stuff a bsge registered dr at a bsge center? If not you can get your gp to refer you to one. Having children at 18 is a big decision, i am not saying dont have them, but you need to make sure you have all the options available and explained.

I have just had a lap to inc my ivf chances and my surgery after i have had children will affect fertility hence why i havent had that, i am 29 diagnosed 3 yrs ago.

[emcoll in reply to SEB88]

This doctor isn't , but the one I'm seeing next week is. I know it's a really big and life changing decision, and yes the thought of potentially being a mother within the next year or 2 does seem strange to me, but not necessarily in a bad way. I've just become so accustomed to not being able to make decisions about my own health and now I've been hit with this big decision, it's just a bit of a shock.

I'm just so worried and at the end of the day, there's always going to be someone I know who isn't happy with the decisions I make.

I think I need to sit down with family and my partner and have a really good talk about all of it.

Thank you for your advice and help, and I hope everything works out for you.

[Bee2304]

Hi. Your situation sounds like mine. I was diagnosed at 21 ( a little bit older) but given similar advice. Turns out the Consultant who gave me the 'advice' wasn't an endo specialist and actually through one of my ops made the situation much worse. After much deliberation I decided to press pause by having the Mirena. Not sure if it's something you've tried but it slows down the endo and meant that I could finish teacher training and get my career sorted. I've just had another op this time with an approved endo specialist and although he had to remove some endo that was around my bowel and pelvis tubes/ovaries etc are all good. Definitely get the second opinion and although endo is absolutely crapola they are making advances all the time and understanding the condition more. The endo diet helped me control the symptoms a little too. Hugs!

[emcoll in reply to Bee2304]

I'm sorry you've suffered/are suffering.l It sucks

I have to go back and see the consultant who did my operation to see if she can do any more for me surgically. I asked about the mirena coil but they said that it's not something they'd be willing to do for me at the moment because it poses a huge risk. She didn't say what the risk was, but I just sat there not knowing what to do. Definitely going to get another opinion on everything as it's really getting out of hand now, the pains getting worse each day and the painkillers they've put me on are making me so sick

I'll also have to look into the endo diet

Thank you

Hugs