Feeling so very low and weepy

[Starry]

Today is three weeks since my bowel and vaginal excision operation. My viral meningitis readmission set me back a bit. But today I am alone at home and just feel exhausted I wanted to get a bit further on my dog walk this morning but felt so weak and feeble I barely made it round the block.

I feel so lonely and isolated and on the brink of tears. I don't know what to do with myself. It just all feels such a long uphill struggle and I'm so tired of it all.

Sorry, just finding it all too hard to cope with today.

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Do you have any friends or family nearby who could come and visit? When you feel like this, you need company! I speak from experience. Xxx

[Starry in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

I have noone. I'm estranged from family,no local friends. Hubby back at work, so completely isolated. I live rurally and can go all day without seeing a soul.

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Starry]

Oh bless you. Whereabouts in the country are you? Are there any support groups in your locality that you could reach out to? Might not help now whilst you're poorly but might be good back up for another time?

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Sorry I just saw on a previous post that you don't have any support groups nearby. 😒 hopefully you have some friends who can give you some lunchtime calls xx

[Starry]

Rural Norfolk. No support group last time I checked, and it would be an hour's drive away in Norwich.

In another week I should be able to drive myself again and it won't be so bad then, so long as my energy improves..

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Starry]

Yes, you will feel better being able to drive again. It makes such a difference when you live rurally.

Even if a group is in Norwich, you might meet some people through it who live nearer. Or you could start one?! Maybe by putting up a poster in some local gp surgeries? Don't know if you're that kind of person but worth thinking about.

Other thoughts are, how could you make other friends nearer where you live? In my village I joined a singing group, made lots of new acquaintances but also one good friend who was great when I had a miscarriage as she only lived down the road, so she came round with cake! Another friend has made local friends by joining a dog agility class! I know you don't have the energy for any of this right now and that's ok, it's normal to be miserable and lonely after you've been through so much. But maybe some thoughts for the future.

Big gentle hugs xx

[Starry in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Thanks X I'm about 30 years young for my village as they are all retired and without kids it's been hard to integrate with the few families. We are actually looking into moving north to a village thats walking distance to a small market town with facilities. Though normally when well, working in the city and living rurally has been fine.

I did think about the new support group idea but I've struggled so hard with CFS and at times emotional health it's been too draining to contemplate.

Hopefully in time I will find my get up and go and mojo returns. I am sure I had some once upon a time. It's been a whole year now since I developed severe flu kidney infection symptoms that started my endo chain of events. I feel exhausted looking back.

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Starry]

Oh bless you. You have had a tough time and are bound to feel blue. I know what you mean about it being hard to integrate without kids. I hope you feel better tomorrow x

[Hidden]

Let it out, Starry! Don't hold in your tears. Sometimes having a good cry is therapy in itself. It's okay to feel upset and angry at the situation. I know you don't have a good support network locally, but do you have online friends? I've found that my online friendships are often easier to manage.

[Ncoombes]

Just remember your not alone we are all here and inboxs are always open you are so strong dealing with this everyday you can make it through I'm sending you hugs for your pain and positive thoughts for your tears you can do this ! I hope you feel better soon xxx

[Hidden]

We are all here for you. I know online support isn't the same as support in person, but you're never alone here!

[Starry]

Hugs to you all and thanks for the gentle kind words. Xxx

You guys are far more important than you realize and really are a lifeline.

[gwen80]

You're never alone here Starry

[Hidden]

I have just seen this and it saddened me, but I can totally empathise with that feeling.

After my op I felt extremely isolated as like you I have no real family close by ( only my mum, who I am not that close with ) I am single and friends were either busy at work or on holiday . I had no one to stay with me when I cam home from hospital and I felt so lonely and depressed.

Added to this was the transition from been normally very active then struggling to walk 10 mins on the road and not been able to walk my dog which made me feel worse. I felt lonely, not understood, depressed and a bit worthless to be honest.

Be gentle with your self, Your op has been a major op and you have had the virus set back. I know this sounds silly, but I started trying to see the recovery time as a little holiday from my normally really hectic life . I started treating my self, I did my nails , did a face mask, got my hair coloured with a mobile hairdresser, read some books that I don't normally get time to read ( self help books). Started with a hypnosis app ( harmony) started with a daily positive affirmation app ( think up ). It was my transformation time to start and get into the habit of doing the things that I should already do for my self.

You will get stronger with your walking and soon you will be driving. This feeling and shitty time in your life will pass. Hang in there xx

[Starry]

Thanks Paula X I guess it's just going to be a longer haul than I hoped. Trying out your positivity app. I definitely need a dose after a big meltdown last night. Hubby is staying at home today to keep an eye on me.