Guilty feelings

I am 32 years old and was diagnosed when I was 23. I have a wonderful husband who ive been married to for nearly 10 years. We have 3 beautiful children 12, 9 and 6 years old. I am so lucky to have them after suffering 4 miscarriages and an ectopic. I work full time although I am currently off sick. I am having a hysterectomy on the 3rd of April after many treatments over the years that have failed including an endometrial ablation. Since finding out my date I have been spending a lot of time reflecting about how much I've been through since this all started and about the impact it's had on my children and husband.

How they have missed out on so much due to me and this awful illness. My husband has had to spend so much time caring for me. He's missed out on doing the things he wants to and us having a normal sex life. I think about what impact this will have on my children later in life. Will they resent me. Over the last 12 months I've spent more time off work than in due to this and also had to have amended duties while I was there. I'm a hard worker and have never been one to take time off. I worry if I've ruined my relationship with the team I work with due to all the allowances that have been made for me. Also the extra pressure it's put on them when I've been off.

Anyone else felt like this or feeling like this again the moment?

7 Replies

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  • I'm sad you feel like this. No-one chooses to have a condition like this, it's just the hand life deals you.

    It sounds like you have a supportive husband and family and to be fair your children probably haven't considered the impact of your illness as it's part of their normal day to day life and they know you love them and are there for them.

    Have you discussed your thoughts with your husband? Or spoken to anyone about this, like a counsellor or therapist? They may be able to reassure you that your feelings and thoughts are unfounded.

    They may help you find some perspective. You can obviously see the positives like being able to have children despite experiencing sadness and difficulties along the way.

    When you marry, 'in sickness and in health' is part of the deal, so you make the best of the good times and provide support and love to each other, when times are tough. In that sense, you seem to have a supportive partner.

    With regard to your co-workers, in the nicest possible way, their feelings are not your concern. Your employer sounds like they have been supportive and if it happened to any of your co-workers, they would be afforded the same support and duty of care.

    I hope you find someone to talk through your feelings and will be reassured and know that the people around you just want you to be well, whatever that takes x

  • I can completely relate to your post. I had my hysterectomy last June at 34 yrs old after a long and difficult battle. I was blessed to have a son after being told I would never have children. It was the same guilt that you are feeling now about your children that pushed me to have my hysterectomy. My son is 7 next week and i am hoping it will be the first year of his life that won't be marred with his mum being ill. Although it hasn't been an easy recovery I can honestly say that the hysterectomy was the best thing I ever did. My pain has gone, I returned to work and slowly I feel like I am becoming a normal human being. This disease and all of the complications it comes with is a truly awful one but I can say from experience, that whilst we the sufferers feel guilt our loved ones are looking at us like heroes. You managed to raise three children, continue to work and keep a healthy, loving relationship with your husband whilst fighting through pain and illness everyday. It takes someone made of strong stuff to do that. Good luck with your op in April. Don't spend your energy worrying on the negative. Keep it all focused on your recovery and the new life you will have afterwards. If you would like to speak about anything or have any questions about the op please just ask. Seding you lots of love and wishing you luck x

  • Hi, if you join Hysterectomy Sisters UK on Facebook you will meet a lot of supportive women who are pre and post op hystetectomy. You can ask any questions at all. I am on it and have found them to be amazingly supportive. X

  • Thanks lovely. Have joined them and it's brilliant thank you x

  • You are welcome. PM your name on here and I will say hello to you on the Hyster site xx

  • I have many days where I feel the same way. It is not what they deserve, and it is not how I want it to be. I try to remind myself that my life is different than I had imagined/hope, but that we can still have happiness and love, we just often have to enjoy the little things more and be thankful for what we ARE able to do. Hang in there! You are not alone!

  • Also, perhaps our kids will learn to be patient and kind because of living with us, and have sympathy for those who are suffering.

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