This post is about my personal story.
Today, I went to the doctors. I was only going to ask for a sick note (I'm claiming for ESA) and to ask for a repeat prescription of the pill. It's probably been the most eventful doctors appointment I've ever had.
As soon as I got in there, I became very emotional and burst into tears. Usually I'm quite a reserved person, but lately I've been struggling to control my emotions. Crying so easily at everything.
Because I was unable to talk, my mum told the doctor how I've lost the will to live. Sleep most of the day. Barely eat. Can't seem to motivate myself. How much pain I'm in. And been talking about what the point of life is and not wanting to carry on. Hearing all that made me cry more. I'm on antidepressants, but the doctor said I need to pair that with counselling. Easier said than done when I'm terrified of talking to people because of my social anxiety.
It came out in the doctors appointment that my mum had got a date for my ESA assessment, but hadn't told me because she knew I'd be panicking for two weeks. I know she was trying to save me from worrying, but she was planning on telling me a day before, which I don't agree with, because I need to mentally prepare myself for talking to people. The doctor said that I need to speak to people about how I'm feeling, to get support, for the sake of my mental health. I talk a lot to my boyfriend, but it's difficult living in Wales and waiting to move back to England. I know nobody round here, so I barely have any human contact. I know I'll move back to England eventually, but my doctor said, for now I need to offload onto people and use them as my own counsellor, so I'm not bottling it up. So I guess that's why I'm writing this post.
The doctor weighed me and he's worried because I've already lost a load of weight, and I've also lost some more since my last appointment. So he's sending me to a dietician. He also said I'm agoraphobic because I don't go out of the house. But to be honest, I don't fear going out, I just don't have the motivation to. And the only reason I get nervous is because of the social aspects of going out. So I'm not too sure about that.
I know all this stuff is just help and solutions for my anxiety and depression, and eating problems, but I feel bombarded with it all.