Soooooo scared right now :-(

I feel so silly sharing this, as today Ive read story's that are so much more scary than what I am going through. it is nine days and counting till my first lap and I'm having a mass with blood supply removed from my c section scar ( they can not confirm endo till they remove it) but have found endo in several place in my womb and a fibroid which they say goes hand in hand with endo.

all this was found on ultra sound and vaginal scan. The nearer it's getting to op the more scared I am. I hemridged twice when I was 18 with my first daughter and again when I miscarried twins and then again with c section 3 1/2 years ago. The reason I am so scared is I'm scared of never seeing my girls again ( I no how much like a drama queen I sound right now ) but I swear I am truly scared out out of my mind !!

I have a 3 year old little girl who has Down syndrome and my grandaughter also who lives with me full time . I have sleep apnea as well only mild but I still have the symtoms I know deep down that I have to have it done because the pain in too much to bare and each month it's getting worse,but I am still so frightened. I have a genuine fear of dying a genuine fear of leaving all my girls without there mum. Nana.

my eldest is 22 and she has bi poler disorder they all need me so much. I'm sorry I sound like such a drama queen especially,reading some of what you women have gone through. I really just needed to tell someone, my partner just keeps saying don't be morbid my mother in law just says don't be silly so I just keep it in. Well until now so to anyone that does read it thank you for taking the time too. Much love and respect to you all that have to fight this decease each and every day xx

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  • Hi there

    I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time of it, it's perfectly normal to feel scared especially after all the experiences you have had over the years!!

    It's obvious you are scared for your loved ones for family who relies on you and sometimes that fear is so much greater then any fear we can feel for ourselves, you sound like the type of person who always puts others first, try and take a step back, allow yourself to think, it really is ok to be frightened but you need to focus on the positives, just think how great it will be when you are free of pain, think how much you could do with the girls, I honestly think you would benefit from talking this through with a friend that will listen, we all sometimes need a helping hand.

    You can come on here anytime, there are so many lovely ladies who will listen.

    L xxx

  • Hi lilykat

    Thanks for getting back to me and I know your right and I know that the fear is stemming from the emergency c section, both myself and my baby was very nearly was not here at all. My partner is still traumatised about birth to this day, bless him. so I understand that's why he shuts down and does not want me to talk about anything going wrong. And I know that your right when you say think of all the good things I can do with the girls, because that is my real motivation, that's the very reason why I wanted to have this done that and the pain since being a very young girl. It would be amazing to not have to lay in bed each month in constant pain !!

    Thank you for taking the time to read my post it really does mean so much.

    Kx

  • Aw bub I'm sending you lots of warm wishes and big hugs!

  • Hi hanarrmatey

    Thank you big hugs back at ya x

  • I am so sorry you are scared just now. I am about to have my seventh surgery next Tuesday and I'm scared too, broadly for the same reason s I had placenta accreta with all my girls and the last also ruptured my cervix so I also nearly bled out and I think when you have kids to sorry about at home its worse? When i was having my second tried to get life insurance and they helpfully turned me down and provided my risk of death in numbers as their reason. What I'm trying to say is I understand the fear you have associated with your surgery and protecting your kids.

    The op does have risks, like anything with a general anaesthetic and cutting, but my quality of life improves after surgery and I can be the mum I want for the kids.

    This is your fear, its entirely valid and it sounds like you have more than enough to deal with anyway.

    Like I said I'm having my seventh and I'm scared. My husband and parents also dismiss this but I'm the one who has to deal with it and who lives and functions in chronic pain, so I think I am allowed to be afraid, as long as its a productive thing as my CBT therapist said.

  • I was terrified before mine too (6 weeks ago) Seriously not sleeping. No one in my family understood - they just changed the subject or said don't be dramatic (!!) I think it's when they all rely on you it's hard for them to acknowledge that surgery is a big deal because they are scared too!

    Just post on here if you're stressing because we all get it....it's bloody scary. Here's the good news - you've got great surgeons, I'm assuming, and a controlled environment - not like childbirth and certainly not by e

    Emergency c section!! I had one of those too - traumatized forever - it's a class of ptsd in fact and very real, so you are not being dramatic Hun.

    Your doctors now know your history too do will be planning and prepared.

    Afterwards your family will need to look after you for a change, so will gain a greater understanding of cooking, shopping and laundry etc and just maybe be appreciative of all your hard work.

    Finally, you will not be in pain!!! I'm 6 weeks post excision, hysterectomy, etc and to not be in endo pain is awesome.

    Good luck and you're in good hands. Get some peppermint oil capsules to take after - it really helps much more than tea with the bloating and gas from the op!

    Sending hugs xx

  • Thank you for getting back to me, and I'm sending you huge hugs because I truly know how you feel this week.mines next Monday. I just want it over now as the worring is driving me crazy, I'm a anxious person anyway. And what starts of as a thought then turns into something so big to me that it takes my breath away. And you are right I do have so much on my plate right now and my fear is not being here to protect my girls is what consumes me the most. I had surgery only five weeks ago but it was on my throat and I was abit scared but this time around I'm truly scared and it's because of all that's happened before,so it really means a lot to me that you have took the time to tell me how you feel too . Bigs hugs kx

  • Hi sarah jane

    thank you for getting back to me, you are so right I think there is some PTSD going on I suffered with bad anxiousness and panic attacks when I had my youngest daughter even her dad refuses to ever watch anything to do with giving birth.

    I had surgery 4 weeks ago but it was only my throat and it was a very short op. I was abit scared but nothing like this It's because of where there doing op. It does not help because I'm coming on so I always get more anxious. yesterday in ikea I nearly had a complete and utter melt down I could have sat on the floor in the middle of a packed store and just sobbed, now as a rule ikea is a ok place for me, but when I am coming on nothing makes any sense, So in one way the stress levels will be high this week but by the end of my period and with the horrible pain it brings,I will be gład to have it done. It's so nice to read lady's story's and it has worked for them, and they feel great I hope it's the same for me. As for my hospital I also have my concerns it's been all over the news the last few years. And I truly don't know how good they are so I'm just living in hope they know what there doing. So big hugs back at ya xx

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