I’m such a mess 😫

[princessk09]

Sorry for the rant to follow but I’ve seriously had enough of the pain and my parents!

I’m struggling and have no one to talk to. Last two days, my period pain has reached a new level of horrendous. I couldn’t go golf practice today because I was in so much pain and throwing up etc. I got in trouble of my parents for not going and they making me go tomorrow whether I’m in pain or not! I can’t relax which is making the pain worse. I’m just known as the girl who plays golf and they want me to live and breathe the sport and have no other hobbies. I love art and drawing but that doesn’t get noticed.

I struggle to talk to my boyfriend as I don’t wanna seem like a drama queen and a person who complains 24/7. I’m always scared he will leave me for a girl who isn’t a mess, isn’t in pain and can have sex without pain 😫. The feeling of I’m not good enough comes to mind a lot.

This pain is affecting every part of my life and mentally/emotionally. I’m just glad the nurse is trying to speed up my lap but my parents are mad it might cut my golf season short.

I’d rather be scared of the lap and go in alone then have them there with me.

I don’t know what to do right now but I can’t talk to my parents as they don’t understand and just shout at me. My dad said the other day “there’s 64 girls at this tournament and I have the daughter with all the problems”

[lizzyxx]

I'm sorry but your parents sound terrible! They should be supporting you not making you feel worse, shame on them. Did you speak to your specialist then about moving you up the list? Feel free to private message me on here anytime you need someone to talk to xx

[princessk09 in reply to lizzyxx]

Thank you, yeah the nurse today said she’s sending my gynae a letter to try and move me up a lot.

My parents have never been the most sympathetic or understanding people. Most days I just put on a face and pretend everything is okay xx

[lizzyxx in reply to princessk09]

Aww that's good even if it's still a few weeks away anything is better than 23 weeks xx

[princessk09 in reply to lizzyxx]

Definitely, it’s just my parents won’t be happy if it’s any time between now and August. Xx

[weekari]

Oh love, your parents are SO wrong. You are a worthy amazing human who deserves unconditional love. You need to be cared for and supported through your pain. Screw golf! Nothing is more important than your health- and that includes your mental health.

Do you have anyone in your life that's really supportive and loves you unconditionally, completely loves the real you, even when you're rubbish at things, sick and a bit of a mess? If you do, then you need to surround yourself with that person. And maybe ask them to talk to your parents?

What age are you?

Sending you lots of love. Xx

[princessk09 in reply to weekari]

I’m 19 and don’t really have anyone that loves me unconditionally. My boyfriend is supportive and loves me but it’s long distance so it’s hard. Xx

[Sarahxnxhannah16]

sorry it going thru this but that is not good parenting even if u are 19 n considered an adult, I'm 32 and my dad still worries about my pain daily my did also but we lost her last year to cancer, I have 2 daughters 1 is few months away from turning 10 the same age I was when my periods and the start of the pain started and I'm terrified for her in case she goes thru what I have, a woman with endo has a 78% chance of passing it on to her daughter, my 9 years old is an early bloomer same as I was so I am positive she's going to start b4 the end of this year, it parents shld be putting it health b4 any sport

[princessk09 in reply to Sarahxnxhannah16]

Yeah, my parents put golf before everything when it comes to my life. They are controlling and until I can move out, I’m kinda stuck. My mum won’t even talk about periods and stuff so she just agrees with whatever my dad says. And I feel like everything is my fault and I’m just a disappointment. I’m constantly compared to other girls at golf xx

[Sarahxnxhannah16 in reply to princessk09]

my mum wasn't big on the period talk either or the birds and the bees and I was a very shy kid so I suffered for years with God awful period pains and no pain killers for about 6/7 years till I learned I cld make myself a drs appt even then I didn't mention it to a Dr I wld say my knee was sore just to get something n it barely did anything thankfully my dad used to get terrible bk ache n had cocodomol in house and I was able to sneak a couple when I needed, i used to suffer in silence I didn't tell a soul how much pain I was in and I would bleed for months at a time then off for a week and bk on for months it was awful, I had never heard of endo b4 my diagnosis, i had my lap at 21 the Dr says u have endo and sent me home I had to look it up myself, that's when I had to tell my parents and everyone else way was really going on, my poor dad was sobbing n he still does, I'm almost 8 weeks post op for hysterectomy and I'm still no further forward I'm still in so much pain more so than b4 the op. don't let them make u think anything is ur fault, this isn't a lifestyle choice like any other disease it can't be helped, the useless feeling is normal tho most ladies who have this horrible thing feel useless and a burden, do u think theyl be different when u get us diagnosis? x

[princessk09 in reply to Sarahxnxhannah16]

Omg I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. I hope your pain goes away soon. I don’t know if they will be different after I get a diagnosis as endo can grow back and then I’ll need surgery again. I can’t see them changing their views tbf plus because I can’t talk about it, they will never understand. Xx

[Sarahxnxhannah16 in reply to princessk09]

the drs will put u on a treatment plan as u can't go ur whole life going under the knife, there will come a point where they have to stop, that was my 5th n I doubt al be offered another lap, every surgery causes more scar tissue so more ops u have the worse itl get x

[ThaliaThalia]

Gosh, that sounds so tough. How awful for you to be treated like that when you’re already suffering. You need the utmost kindness right now.

It might be worth having your GP speak to your parents to explain to them how painful this disease is and how much you’re coping with right now.

Shouting and controlling are actually abusive behaviours. There are lots of helplines you could ring to get more information on that or you could look online. The Samaritans can provide anonymous and confidential emotional support 24-7.

I hope you get treatment soon. x

[princessk09 in reply to ThaliaThalia]

My doctors are already useless and not helpful with explaining endo and what it can cause. Last year when I was 18, the doctor told me I might not be able to having kids. It freaked me out for months but my mum said straight away “aw it’s okay, you don’t want kids anyways” Only person who was kind was my boyfriend who was like “we will get through everything together and always”

I can’t really win in a situation with them so I’ve just learnt to accept it but after a while, I just silently breakdown in my room xx

[ThaliaThalia]

Oh no. I’m so sorry to hear that you don’t have the right support around you. Endometriosis is hard enough to cope with without the extra hassle.

I found this letter useful:

endo-resolved.com/support-f...

Please reach out on here any time you need support. You’re not alone. The women here will support you. x

[princessk09 in reply to ThaliaThalia]

Thank you cx