Life is becoming almost impossible to bear.....

[LadyPenelope]

It's been a while since I managed to post anything. I've been as sick as a dog for as long as I can remember. My health seems to have taken a nose dive. Since my bowel resection, ileostomy and reversal, my bowels have refused to work. I rely on laxatives and painful enemas every few days to go to the toilet. I'm on so many tablets, I've lost count. Tablets for migraines, hormone tablets, nerve pain tablets, morphine,...... The list is endless. Lately I've started having seizures and I've spent a lot of time in hospital. The icing on the cake took place last Friday when I went into hospital for day surgery. The surgeon advised that I should be kept overnight for observation. In the evening I had a seizure and suffered a cardiac arrest. My heart stopped beating and I stopped breathing. Thank God they had a team on hand who worked tirelessly to ressucitate me. I'm home now but I have to go back for more surgery. This is never ending...... It's so tiring. I'm divorced and live alone so everything is terribly difficult. I'm sorry I'm going on and on but I don't think anyone understands how I feel, especially my family. I find it very hurtful but there's nothing I can do about it. I've tried talking to them and explaining how I feel but they want me to have a "stiff upper lip" approach and hold myself together. I simply can't! Sometimes I fall apart because I'm human. Sometimes all I need is for someone to hold my hand and tell me it will be ok. Surely that's not too much to ask....

[moomoo8]

Hi LadyPenelope!

What an absolute nightmare....I wish there were some words that I could say to make you feel better.....

Your family should not expect you to have a stiff upper lip when they have no idea what you are going through, if only Chronic Illness was that simple!

Take Care and sending you very big hugs and hope for better things xxxxx

[Ppdotter]

Oh you poor love! What an awful and scary time you have had. Sending you (((((((((((gentle hugs)))))))) and think you are very brave. I make a real fool of myself with anxiety when in hospital etc and stiff upper lip goes out the window. you are human and its natural to feel hurt scared sad frustrated and all those human emotions when going through such a terrible time. I hope the doctors can diagnose/stop your seizures and you start to improve very soon. Dont ever feel alone we all support each other here. You will get through this. Pamper yourself. Take care xx

[LadyPenelope]

Thank you my dear. It's terribly difficult but I feel comforted knowing that you're all there for me.

[mindful579]

I hope its not too late to send you BIG HUGS and little kisses to show you are not alone on this forum ok OxOxOxOx xxx