Does anyone else struggle getting people especially you other half to understand there pain and how much pain they are in?

My partner has said to me that he knows im in pain and he knows its real pain but thinks im being a huge puff as he doesn't believe that pain is really that bad so far i have had pain pretty much everyday for the past 7weeks i was even passing out before my lap last week and he still thinks that the pain 'isn't that bad' it really upsets me that the one closest to me doesn't understand the amount of pain im actually im yea i am pushing through it and doing all pf the house work and looking after my toddler and playing with him on the floor, but i see this is what i have to do if im going to have this pain iv got to pish through it but i also want my partner to understand the pain im in. Now that iv been told its endo i know what I'm dealing with a little but he doesn't seem to understand me at all.

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  • Hi, I know exactly how you feel in terms of my family and friends. They say that they understand but the truth is, they can't really understand as they can't feel it themselves. There have been so many times I've just wanted to scream and be like, you have no idea what this is like for me every single day!! My best friend understands the most about how I'm feeling but it's really only when I have a huge meltdown/rant about how much I'm struggling that I can explain how I feel. Maybe you could try and sit your partner down and just spill about how much it's affecting you and how you're feeling. Just explain that you want to help him understand how bad the pain is and that although on the outside it looks as though you're carrying on as normal, but inside you're in pain and finding things difficult. There's absolutely no shame in admitting that you're struggling, as all of us on this forum can completely empathise as the pain is so draining both physically and emotionally. By the sounds of it, you're doing incredibly well keeping up with your daily chores as well as looking after a toddler! I'm single with no children and I struggle on a daily basis so I think that you're amazing! xx

  • Thankyou so much Hun, and he sees the only time im in pain is if I'm crying with it which so far has happened twice but that was because i couldn't take any more pain medication other wise i would have over dosed and the pain still hadn't subsided I'm now on some medication that i take less off but are more effective. I tried to go to my nephews birthday party on Thursday it was a five minute walk but the pain of doing just that had me pretty much floored then he saw me when he came home from work and said that he doesn't think the pain is as bad as I'm making it, its so frustrating because we have to live with this and the people who should understand most don't do, i completely agree with you and understand were your coming from just wanting to scream in there face and tell them to live with this, its awful I'm also combating mental health issues and depression at the moment so him not believing me as really put me down :(

  • Hi, I think explaining to men is the hardest. When I explained to my brother about endo he just looked quite blank ( and alittle grossed out!) so instead of sounding like a science teacher I said me" you know the film alien?" Bro "yeah.."

    Me "you know the scene where the alien bursts out of his chest?"

    Bro "yeah..."

    Me " well thats how I feel but nothing ever manges to burst out" Bro * winces* " I think I understand abit" X x x

  • It is quite easy to explain to chaps... just tell them it is the same pain levels as someone kicking them in the testicles every fifteen minutes or twisting the testicles in a vice. If that doesn't bring tears to their eyes or give them some kind of idea what it is like then they are not men !!

  • You could print out the following and pin it to the fridge door. Hopefully they might read it.

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  • Thankyou that's a really good way to explain it to my other half and the alien thing i think my younger brother may understand that but with my older brother all i have to say is women problems because he doesn't like hearing about me bleeding and my ovary's and all that type of thing for my lap last week that's what i had to tell him its because of women problems and he shuts up haha its just my other half i want more than anything to understand me and my pain and at this moment in time he doesn't all though it was only yesterday that we found out it was endometriosis, and as the doctor didn't explain we had to do our own research to find out what it was. But he has seen the chronic pain side of things clearly lol

  • Ha ha impatient I like your thinking. I hadn't been going out with my husband very long when he said to me "you've had your periods long enough now you'd think you'd be used to it"

    My reply was fine I'll kick you in the balls every 15mins for 3 days straight and see if you get used to it.

    He's never said anything about the pain since.

    He'll understand soon eventually but he's a simple creature and d message will take time to sink in

  • I hope so it took him ages to get used to the fact we had a baby i just hope it doesn't take him that long to sink in.

  • i totally sympathise with you and everyone on here. i am having problems at work at the moment becuase as you say i get on with it and have done for last 10 years as my mum drummed it into me that if i had too much time off i would loose my job so even when i feel like death im in work with my very convincing smile, this has been my coping stratergy but my worst enemy also as people dont belive there is anything wrong with you because you can carry on. its only because you have learnt to and you have to. i know given the chance i would end up in bed all day sleeping (due to the fatigue) so i plod along and just crash and burn when i get home my hubby is always telling me that its not normal to want to sleep as much as i do. they just dont understand most people would call in sick to work if they felt like we all do but we carry on just shows how strong we have become i suppose thats the positive spin!!! as i say im having trouble at work at the moment as i have just tried to explain about my condition and im going to be having a lap in the new year they dont understand why i dont look ill and its apparently an inconvinience when i had a few days off sick! get so annoyed about it but worry about loosing job we live in a world now where there is a loop hole for employers to ditch the weak! sorry rant over x

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