40% chance of being able to become pregnant

So, 4 weeks ago I had a laparotomy for removal of endometriosis, and tubal repair.

Apparently now I have a 40% chance to get pregnant. Take away from that the 10% chance of ectopic, then 50% chance of miscarriage, and I am left with an 18% chance of having a baby.

I am utterly distraught. I know I should be happy that this is an improvement on 0%, but as I see it, I have an 80+% chance of never being a Mum, never sharing my life with children, teenagers and watching them become adults. Never having the pleasure of playing with grandchildren. I see a horrible future without a family, and I don't want it.

11 Replies

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  • Hi I know how you feel I'm waiting to be referred to fertility to discuss IVF and have read my chances are 27% with one go which is all is get on NHS. I am trying to focous on the fact there is still hope for now andkeeping my fingers crossed. If this is your chances of natural pregnancy would you get IVF to increase your chances? Having some hope is better than none and I admit I have the same thoughts of never being a mum and have had a lot of tears over the last couple of months since my op but I am feeling more hopeful now. I have had help with pills from doctors too. So I will keep my fingers crossed for you too as you could be in the 18% of people who get pregnant and so try to stay hopeful for now. I also found I was very depressed after my op and was told anesthetic can do that but 2 months later I'm actually feeling more like myself again. X hope your recovering well xx

  • Unfortunately my chances from IVF are even lower, which is why I had the op. Just seems so unfair, watching all of my friends starting their families. I feel like I am watching a film of myself living this nightmare. Finding it really hard to be positive!

  • Hi maccerpops and lillyflower

    I am in the same situation and have been struggling like you, I have days where its just too much if I let myself think about all the negatives and then other days when I seem to do ok, its been very up and down over the past few months. I've been told I will have a small window of weeks at the end of october (once my prostap injections finish) where I will have a slightly higher chance of getting pregnant but having tried to conceive quite a bit already I struggle to feel positive about my chances of achieving it if I really do only have a matter of weeks to do it! Other than that will have to pay for ivf and have told myself I will only put myself through it once and am slowly coming to terms with the idea of having to draw a line under it and then hoping nature will sort itself out by some miracle when I least expect it - thats what i keep telling myself anyway!

    Although its hard we've got to stay strong and I like to think that if we want it enough and try hard enough it will work itself out in the end

    Sending you both hugs xxx

  • I was 15 when I was told I needed a hysterectomy. I was lucky in one way because I the damage wasn't as extensive as first thought but now I only have one ovary that produces eggs, that ovary is missing a fallopian so the eggs it releases can't be fertilised and I get so ill when I have my own hormones that I have been taking drugs to over ride my hormones for 11 years now.

    Do you know what I take sollace in? Knowing that through all of that, I still want to be a mum. And that some very unfortunate little child will one day become the luckiest little child when my partner and I adopt them. And I fill with hope and warmth knowing that I would have done an amazing thing for them, and they would have done an amazing thing for me.

    I've been through all your feelings, but I've had longer to come to terms with them and bits of counselling. I want to raise a child and have a family not necessarily pro-create - there is a difference. I hope you can find some middle ground like I have and be happy with what the future holds.

  • I find the fertility side of this disease the hardest part. I've felt all the emotions you describe and it can tear you apart. But we have to stay positive and have hope. It's all part of life's journey we go on and learn from. A few things that I've thought along the way is that I have so many beautiful children around me - nieces, nephews, friends children - that I need to be making the most of and focusing my energies on them, they can bring such joy. I've also thought about adoption - so many children have lives that they don't deserve, me and my husband could provide a quality of life to a child in need.

    I still have hope that I will conceive naturally and I will probably try IVF when the time arises. I will not give up hope of becoming a parent, however they are conceived or whoever they are conceived by. There will always be days when it feels like the end of the world, it's only natural, it's good to share!

  • I know exactly how you feel, It's so so hard, I have been ttc for 5 years and have no chance of a natural pregnancy due to damaged tubes and have been told I need donor eggs for Ivf due to this damn thing depleting my ovarian reserve due to endometriomas, one ovary is completely useless due to a 15cm one

    I am awaiting major excision and a bowel resection, bladder op and tube removal then I imagine my amh and afc will be even lower

    Good luck!

    Lilly xc

  • I know how you feel I was given only 10 percent chance of conceiving naturally a year ago, now they said 15 percent even though I wanted to kill myself when I first heard the news but my partner kept reassuring me that doctors are not God so who knows if we can get pregnant naturally? We choose not to jump into the fertility treatment cos my hormones hasn't been balanced since zoladex 3 and half years ago. I am taking each day as it comes and I have accepted that adoption might be in my future. Take care and good luck

  • Don't give up hope, just keep trying. Why dont you ask to be referred for fertility treatment? The sooner the better after surgery. I have decided to stop trying as I now need bowel surgery, I know how you are feeling. Hope it works out for you x

  • I have to agree with those who have thought of adoption. I know my husband would prefer our own but knowing that if IVF doesn't work and I'm out of options I will definitely be lookinginto this more and when I get upset that maybe ill never have a child I remind myself that there are children longing for parents too and yes its not for everyone but it helps me to not get too upset at the thought of never having a child as either way one day I hope to have a child in my life. For now I'm trying to enjoy my neices and nephews and be a great aunty for now . X

  • Unfortunately adoption is not so easy either. Having looked extensively into this, I now know that there are very few babies and toddlers up for adoption, as these days most women abort. The majority of children on the adoption register have been taken from their home at a much later age, having been abused in one way or another. Yes, these children need and can benefit hugely from being adopted, but it is a totally different level of commitment to having children of your own. At my age (38) I have been informed by agencies that even if I was approved (this in itself is extremely hard) we would probably be offered a child over the age of 10, most likely a victim of chronic abuse thus with severe behavioural issues, or disabled. Like I say, not as simple an option as people tend to think.

  • Month 1: negative.

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