Love yourself

[duncan1971]

Hi all was wonderingwhich is more important when you have depression .is it to learn to love yourself or find someone to love

[Suzie40]

The first.

[duncan1971 in reply to Suzie40]

Think you might be right just sat analysising my life not sure if its a good idea though guess im looking for a answer to my depression but don't think i will find it .sort for going on abit

[Stilltrying_ in reply to duncan1971]

You are not going on at all Duncan. Actually loving yourself can be one of the hardest things. It was said to me many times and used to leave me just frustrated and angry as no-one told me how. I understood the phrase but actually saw it as a criticism of me as I was unable to do it. The way you will come about loving yourself will be unique to you and at a time that is right for you. Sometimes we need good experiences to feel there is any hope of ever loving ourselves so it could start from someone just being kind to you as often people who don't love themselves have never experienced this. It may even come from an extremely bad experience which just goes too far and makes you think you had better love yourself or no-one else will. It is really about valuing yourself and realising you do have as many rights as everyone else to be here and you have a right to be treated with respect. Some experiences even in the mental health system can leave us not believing we have any rights or any value so this may not help; but its one of those things, no-one can really teach you how. If you try to do it consciously it make sense in your head but you cannot feel it in your emotions ; it only becomes real when you can actually experience its meaning but my advice don't beat yourself up with trying; it will happen when you are ready to experience it. Take good care X

PS Me too I was always looking for "an answer", so I can really relate to what you have written. For me it has and is something which has come about slowly and in different parts ; the biggest thing really is that we need the comfort and love to overcome our depression but it is like we have to somehow make ourselves better before we can start to get those things which always seems to be the wrong way round but that is the way it is. It is almost that as soon as you start to feel better about yourself people are better to you but I always wish it was the other way round. Those dark days are truly terrible I know; you just need to fathom a way out slowly and try and be patient and kind with yourself. (easier said than done I know!)

[jillylin in reply to Stilltrying_]

Your response to Duncan really struck a chord with me.

Hugs

Jillyxx

[Photogeek in reply to Stilltrying_]

Hi Gemma

Very nicely put response

[Luckyring56]

There is an old saying that if you can't love yourself then you can't love others.

Don't know if that helps?

Lorraine

[Gambit62 in reply to Luckyring56]

Agree with this. If you don't love yourself then you will always be looking to others for validation and that isn't love.

[Bugsy1806]

Learn to love yourself you are a wonderful person! It's taken me a long time and lots of counselling to love myself but my relationship with husband is much better now I have faith in myself

[Golfer15]

Love yourself is the most important thing. I find that really difficult as I have a poor self image. I think loving yourself or accepting the way we are helps us to feel better about people around us. At the moment I dont really like myself and dont have much time for other people. Except my close family and people here of course. I have to go to the shops later but I will be quick as I dont want to be around other people.

Hope everyone has a good day.

[Photogeek in reply to Golfer15]

David I think Men find it hard to love themselves, they think they don't

Have needs and maybe bury their feeling. This is only my opinion and

Not a criticism of men, accept ourselelves would be great and have

Compassion and kindness for ourselves.

We are all loved and accepted by each other on this Forum, so

Every little bit helps

Hannah x

[Golfer15 in reply to Photogeek]

Thanks Hannah, yes I agree men find it difficult to love themselves. That might be called vanity, but to accept ourselves would be good.

Ive just got back from town and I tried not to be seen by people. Bumped into a friend who also has the same illness so we stood for a bit comparing symptoms. Good to chat with like minded people. She is older than me but understands me. Saw someone I used to work with and had to pretend everything was fine.

David x

[Photogeek in reply to Golfer15]

David I understand that " I want to be alone" syndrome. When I am really down I hate meeting ordinary people

And Many's a time I would be in supermarket and if I saw

A neighbour or colleague , I would dodge around the aisles.

It sounds ridiculous when I say it and I would go home without

Something on The list . I used to feel better if I went out

In the dark, I know that Depression. Used to make me

Feel this horrific discomfort if I was among people.

Thank goodness that has improved a lot. It's part of Depression so dont beat yourself up .

Hannah

[Golfer15 in reply to Photogeek]

Thanks Hannah

[bepete in reply to Golfer15]

I tend to know how you feel mate, I tend to have a poor self image, and today its ruined my relationship with my girlfriend. well done me !!

[Golfer15 in reply to bepete]

oh dear hope you get things sorted out.

[jillylin]

Hi,

learning to love yourself. I have a lovely hubby who loves me but I just can't love myself.

Hugs

Jillyxx

[Photogeek in reply to jillylin]

Ah Jilly that's great that you are loved by hubby. Maybe if we could

Use a word like having compassion for ourselves it would help

Use to treat ourselves as we would treat a best friend. I always

Say to myself now if someone wanted to feel better what would you

Tell them to do? Then I try to do that for myself.

It's like valuing yourself and accepting yourself.

Big hug and thans Gemma for such a good answer.

Hannah

[Hidden]

Hello

It goes with respect also

If you do not respect yourself, how can you respect others, especially if they lack respect for you

[coatpin]

You cant expect someone to love you, if you dont love yourself. As it becomes depressing for someone to listen to a person who keeps being negative about themselves

[Photogeek]

Duncan yours started an interesting little debate so well done you . Try

Accepting yourself as you are. Have compassion and a non critical attitude

To yourself and that may help too.

Hannah

[duncan1971]

Thank you for all your comments its really nice site where I can feel at ease with my feelings I hope you have a good week keep safe and take care xx

[Photogeek in reply to duncan1971]

Duncan you take care too. Have a good week and do something

Nice for yourself

Hannah

[DNR55]

FIRST YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF! YOU WONT BE ABLE TO TRULY LOVE UNTIL U CAN HAVE SELF TALKS WITH YOUR SELF IN THE MIRROR TELLING YOUR SELF OVER AND OVER AT HOW GREAT YOU ARE ! GET ON UTUBE AND DOWNLOAD THE VIDEO (THE SECRET)!!!!!!!!#! Watch and listen over and over!! I truly believe it!

[pussnboots]

I DECIDED TO FIND SOMETHING WHICH I FELT PASSIONATE ABOUT TO TAKE UP THOSE LONELY, EMPTY, ICKY MOMENTS OF MY LIFE. I BECAME A VOLUNTEER FOR THE OREGON HUMANE SOCIETY. IT IS GREAT!

[Hidden]

yes today on wards i will start loving myself.